- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2016
I know a lot of brides have problems with mums interfering but all through wedding planning I didn’t, my mum is really good like that and was very supportive, not dictating what we should have at all. Normally also we get on really well and are very similiar and rarely argue, although she does not handle stress well at all and can be very stubborn and combined with me being at the highest stress level Ive ever had in my life, I think this was part of the problem. Anyway, we had the worst fall out around my wedding and I feel like it has ruined all my memories of the day as I wasn’t able to share it with her or have any nice moments with her like I imagined.
We rented the wedding venue from the Thursday to the Sunday (wedding on satuday) and my family were staying there, everything was fine until the Friday when she absolutely lost her mind over an ipad charger that I had borrowed. It was somewhere in amongst all of the decorations, outfits, alcohol, drinks and food, several car-fulls of weddings things that we had driven there and were trying to unpack and organise. Well, as we couldn’t find it straight away in amongst all this stuff we gave her one of our other ipad chargers to use. She just went mad and said she needed the exact charger I had borrowed. We at the same time are setting up the furniture, unpacking, decorating, sorting out all kinds of things for the wedding like I said, and it seemed crazy to drop everything and go and find this exact charger for her but she went into complete meltdown over it having a go at me, normally I am always the one to apologise in arguments or do something to fix it, but something in me snapped and I was so stressed enough already, I was annoyed that she had talked to me that way at my wedding especailly as I was sorting out all of this stuff at the venue, and we had already given her a functioning ipad charger to use anyway, I didn’t say anything, but I didn’t back down either, which I always would do normally. I just went into another room and started unpacking decorations, and didn’t talk to her. My fiance went to speak to her and said to her she should apologise to me for how she had talked to me, she came into the room with me, didn’t apologise, but started asking me more questions and trying to act like nothing had happened. That made me really annoyed and I said to her that the way she had talked to me earlier was a complete disgrace (I would never speak to my mum this way normally), and she simply said ‘yes, I’m stressed’ like that it made it all ok, I was the one who should be able to be stressed. I just had to leave the venue at that point and me and my fiance went for a drive for 10 mins for me to calm down.
By the time I arrived back, my friends and bridesmaids had arrived for a pre-wedding bbq which my mum had offered to host. My mum got really drunk and went around the bbq telling my friends she felt like hired help (she had done nothing to help at that point, her partner cooked the bbq alone while she drank our wine) and criticised me loudly to anyone who would listen. I just sat in another room with my bridesmaids doing place settings at the reception tables and making our wedding favours but my brother and fiance told me about it later and said it was v embarassing. When we had finished several hours later, I came back to the kitchen and my family and my fiance were all sitting around laughing and talking. My fiance had been hosting people which I couldn’t, so I got that, but none of my other family members had offered to help with the place settings or favours or other bits. I sat down at the table to make the confetti cones and just felt completely broken and exhausted and was worried I was going to cry, again no one offered to help me with them. This isn’t how I thought it would be at all, we had no arguments in the lead up to the wedding. I then went up to bed (this is night before my wedding) and everyone said goodnight but my mum. – My mum didn’t even say goodnight to me on the nght before my wedding. That is probably one of the lowest points of my life so far and I just feel like I’ll never get over that. It is moments like that which I thought were going to be so special and were ruined. The next day, our wedding was great but she acted so strange. In the morning, she had my fiance, while he was trying to get ready, steam her, my sister, and brother-in-laws outfits – that’s right, the groom was steaming wedding guests’ outfits on the morning of the wedding. Also, I needed to put my dress on quickly as the hair stylist had to leave and we wanted her to arrange my curled hair when I was it in, we asked my mum repeatedly to come so she coud be in the photos of me getting dressed, she took ages and when we finally found her, becuase the hair stylist was literally leaving to catch a train and we’re about to do the pictures without her, she just asked me if I had some sandpaper to sand the bottom of her shoes so they didn’t slip. She didn’t really talk to me the whole day, hug me, say congratulations, goodnight when she went to bed at the end of the wedding day – and that is with her walking me down the aisle, which I nearly sacked her from as she had been so weird/unreasonable/upsetting but I went through with it even though it was v awkward. I can only say it was like she lost her mind, my fiance said she acted like it was her wedding, there seemed to be this general feeling that my fiance and I should have been catering to her whims when, to be honest, I would see her role as helping and supporting us, like she had done in the run up. We just had no time to pander to her, and she did not seem to get that at all, she thought we should be running around after her when we were in a completly stressful situation trying to organise this ‘amazing’ day.
I just feel like because we normally get on great and have never had a fall out like that before, it has ruinedall my memories of the day. I know people might say talk to her but I don’t think she will get it. I just don’t want to look back on my wedding day and think of that awful argument and feel sad that I had literally no nice moments with my mum. I think if we had gotten along badly during planning then I would have been prepared but I feel like it came out of nowhere and it makes me so sad.