(Closed) Argument with my sister. Weigh in on this drama please?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I think she is probably just hurt that you chose someone else after you had already asked her. I think anybody’s feelings would be hurt. I would just be sure to make sure she know’s that you think she is a good mom, you just have different lifestyles.

Post # 4
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I understand why she is hurt and angry honestly.

Post # 5
Member
8044 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I can’t say I blame her for being hurt… I would be too. I don’t know, maybe give it some time.

Hopefully the scenario you describe (your untimely demise) won’t happen, but I guess at least you’re considering it – I am sure some people don’t.

I’d go ahead and change the will… after all it is your kids.

Post # 6
Member
2117 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I also understand why she is hurt and angry, and I have to say that I, personally, agree with the sentiment that it is important to stay with family.

Post # 7
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I can understand where she’s coming from. I’d be really hurt, too, and feel like you thought I wouldn’t raise the children up to your standards. I’ve also seen friendships, even strong ones disintegrate in adulthood, so I’d feel even worse that you were picking a friend over a blood relative. On the other hand, I understand where you’re coming from as well. 

Post # 9
Member
5755 posts
Bee Keeper

I believe your sister is right in that it’s more important for family to stay with family. As long as your kids have had the good foundation you’ve provided them, I would trust your family to love and care for them way more than a stranger…always.

Post # 10
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m guessing she’s so upset because she didn’t expect you to pick someone else. I’m sure that once she calms down, she’ll realize you’re just trying to do what’s best for your kids. I can understand why she is hurt. She obviously loves your girls enough to take them in & raise them if it was necessary. Maybe she feels like you picked someone else because you don’t think she is a good enough mom? I think once she calms down, you should just tell her that you love her and you just don’t want her to have to change her whole lifestyle if something were to happen to you & your husband.

Post # 11
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

you can do what you want.  but yeah, I would be hurt too if I were her.  especialy since she has said she would try to raise them under your beliefs (as much as she is able).

You are prioritizing your child rearing beliefs over the importance of family (again your choice). 

Have you thought about how your kids would feel? meaning that their new parents would not technically be family and if they might prefer to be with family?

Post # 12
Member
5554 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

If my sister decided some friend is “a better fit” for her kids than DH and I, yeah, I would be upset and hurt. We are family, and (generally) families don’t go away. Friends do. It isn’t like she is a drug addicted prostitute with a king pin for a pimp/bf. Yes her life is different but I know personally, this would be a somewhat serious issue between me and my sister. And if it wasn’t something you had already asked her then I wouldn’t see it as such a big deal. But suddenly its like (at least what I bet she is feeling) her life isn’t “good enough” for you to think she could take care of your kids if something happened and that is a pretty harsh judgement on her lifestyle. Not saying that is how you meant it but I can easily seeing that as how it comes off to your sister. And then to kind of blow it off as “drama” instead of a serious issue that yall need to discuss further minimizes her feelings. 

Post # 13
Member
5407 posts
Bee Keeper

I think it’s your right to decide who would parent your kids in this (unlikely) situation. I think your problem was telling her you changed your mind in the first place. She doesn’t need to know you prefer someone else in that position unless it happens, in which case she should be a lot more sad than pissed. I agree with you, but think its a mistake to come out and tell her that. 

Post # 15
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If I was your sister this would hurt me a lot. By asking someone else you are basically saying you don’t trust her to raise your kids. As a mom, I’m sure she is taking that very personally, and I don’t blame her one bit.

You have the right to make whatever choice you want to-they are your kids, after all. And I do understand the logic of wanting to have your kids raised in the same way you would-and how going from being homeschooled to public school, etc would potentially be even harder for them after losing both parents, should that ever happen. But what I don’t understand how you can not see how this would be hurtful to her.

Post # 16
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@BlondeMissMolly:  I think telling her sister was the right thing to do though. Can you imagine if she changed the will without anybody in the family knowing and heaven forbid something happened. That would make a really difficult time that much worse for everyone involved and I think it would be difficult for her family to understand.

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