Post # 17
I understand why she is hurt and upset. I really have no advice for you, as i could not imagine my children with any of my friends over my sister or mother. BUT this is just me. In my opinion, none of my friends can love my children more than my sister or my mother. YOU know what is best for your children, and although it may hurt others, you need to do what you think is best for them 🙂 best of luck!
Post # 18
I see why she’s upset. I also see why you would choose your friends, as they could provide your children with a lifestyle more in line with their current one and your beliefs. You probably would have been best off not telling her at all, but that ship’s already sailed.
You know your sister better than we do, so you know which way to approach this better than we do. Maybe she’s the sort of person that needs time to cool off and work through it. Or maybe she’s the sort of person that you need to talk to about this. Let her know this isn’t about her being not good enough, but about your children having a life most like the one they have now.
Post # 19
Too bad for her. I know someone who is very close to me who has very close friends listed in her will for her children, and she has previously changed it from family. The way you want your children to be raised is the priority, not your sister’s feelings about not getting the chance. I know that as kids my mom had her best friend listed to take us if something ever happened (I just knew, it wasn’t something she told me as a child, that would be inappropriate to tell a kid). I am extremely close with my sister, she’s like my best friend. But if I felt that she couldn’t do the best job raising my kids the way that I would want them raised, then I would go elsewhere.
Post # 20
Wow, I can for sure see why she’s upset and I would be too.
I’d be more than upset to be honest.
They are your children and you have every right to make that decision regardless of how anyone feels about it but I’d be crushed if that were me.
Post # 21
I do see your point but I also think if she can’t understand then that’s that. If it would ever happen, which is unlikely, I would think her sister would be mourning her loss and realize what she wanted for her kids is ultimately what she thinks is best.
Post # 22
I can see exactly where your sister is coming from. I would be incredibly hurt and upset if I were her.
Post # 23
I would be hurt, honestly. I don’t know about anyone else– but I think in that situation I would want my kids with family. I know you said that they’re close with these kids/parents, but…. I don’t know– I always think family comes first. Hopefully this is something that no one ever has to deal with and it is all hypotheticals.
Post # 24
Since your lifestyle and value system is very important to you, I understand why you’ve made this decision. But if I was your sister, I too would be incredibly hurt. No matter how you try to spin it, you do believe that in the sad and unlikely event of your demise, your sister isn’t “good enough” to have the raising of your kids…now that you have another option. You have to do what you have to do. But to expect her not to be hurt by your choice is a bit unrealistic.
Post # 25
I would be upset if i were your sister as well, i am also an advocate that children to stay within the family. That being said , They are your children, If you feel its better to have your friends instead of your family raise them it is completely up to you. But lets just hope both you and your hubby live a long a prosperous life and none of this will be neccesary. God Bless:) and Good Luck
Post # 26
Also, it’s definitely not the decision I would make. But I don’t have friends who I consider that close, and I don’t have kids yet so its very hypothetical for me. I just think her choice is her choice and I wouldn’t open up a can of worms over it. They have both agreed so the kids would be loved no matter what.
Post # 27
I can see both sides on this one, and since the horse is already out of the barn, you may want to sit down with both sets of potential guardians, together, clear the air and explain that you think both would do a wonderful job raising your kids, should that horrible day ever come, but since life changes constantly, you will constantly be updating your will. Tell them that it’s more important to you to know that you have two outstanding choices for your kids rather than whose name is in the will on any given day, and that you expect your will to be a “work in progress” for the rest of your lives.
Post # 28
I understand where you’re coming from in terms of parenting styles, but I’d be extremely upset as well.
I don’t know how your family dynamic is, but my family is very tight knit, even though we don’t all live close to each other. I can’t imagine anyone other than family taking care of my family in a situation like that. Friends are fabulous for support, but I’d feel guilty putting that burden on someone that wasn’t in my family. Again, only speaking from my point of view, as all families are different.
But it is your children and you have every right to do what you believe is best for them.
Post # 29
I don’t think she made the wrong decision, I never said that at all. I just think her sisters feelings are hurt and that is why she got so upset.
Post # 30
@MrsFuzzyFace: This actually happened to me. My sister and her hubby had listed me as the guardian of their son in the event that something happened to them. But they changed their minds a few months later and made the in-laws guardians instead. I was HURT. Devastated. I think I cried about it for almost a week. It felt like they didn’t think I was good enough to take care of their child. Like I wouldn’t have his best interests at heart.
My sister later explained to me, though, that the in-laws were better off financially (they are); one works at a university so has full summers off; they’ve taken care of children before (I hadn’t been that close to a baby before); plus there are two of them to better handle the hectic lifestyle that comes with being a parent. After I really REALLY thought about it, I realized that the in-laws would be better guardians for my nephew. And I eventually got over feeling like second best.
While I do believe that family is important, it really boils down to what’s in the best interest of the child. If your really good friends can continue to provide the same routine and stability in your children’s lives that they’re used to, I think they’d be the better choice. Just my 2, well 5 cents.
Post # 31
The thing is that my sister has even said that if they change their mind about raising our girls the way we would want them to be raised, we should be okay with them raising them however they see fit. This is an issue for me. Passing our values onto our children is what we do as parents.