Post # 1
I’m not even engaged yet, but I know it’s happening very soon (we’ve been together five years and he’s bad at keeping secrets). I’ve always wanted a destination wedding and SO’s first reaction in a casual discussion was that it seemed selfish. Isn’t this one time where it’s ok to be selfish??? What are some pros and cons of the destination wedding. We would love it at an all-inclusive in Playa del Carmen, Mexico. Here’s what I know so far:
- Cheaper than a local wedding (less people go and the price per person is 1/3 of what it is in the US)
- It’s a vacation!
- It’s unique
- The honeymoon is built right in
- It’s what I’ve always dreamed of
- Easy way of keeping the guest list down (and not inviting the “default” family members that you would HAVE TO invite to a local wedding)
- Not as many people go.. grandmothers definitely wouldn’t
- Guests fork over a lot of money to attend (at that point, you can’t possibly expect any gifts. Their presence is enough.)
- Family/inlaws will be around during your honeymoon (BIG con)
- People with kids might not attend…we’re 30 and 31 so EVERYONE seems to have kids..
When it comes down to it, it’s just about the love we have for each other. I honestly wish we could just elope, but it doesn’t seem possible. This is the next best thing, yet all of the cons seem to revolve around the guests and not us.
If you faced any resistance to having a destination wedding, how did you handle it? Any solid arguments or rebuttals would be great!
Post # 3
Ok first off I definetly dont think its unique since everyone and there mother is doing a Destination Wedding down south now.
Con a lot harder to have a big dress
pro a lot less wedding stress which is worth 3 pros on there own (as long as your not a controling bride)
Post # 4
There are people that aren’t going to be convinced no matter what you say. I attended a destination wedding and several people I worked with were apalled by the idea. I gave them all of those justifications and it didn’t make a difference. I think it’s best just to stick to your guns and say “this is what we wanted to do” or if you want to make people feel bad just say that you couldn’t afford a local wedding.
Post # 5
@KJM33: The bullet point “It’s what I’ve always dreamed of” says it all! I say do it.
I’m planning a destination wedding now, and one con you didn’t list is the challenge of planning from far away. I don’t mean this as a reason not to do it, but it can be very hard to pick vendors and spend a LOT of money on things with the hope that they will turn out well. I’m pretty particular about a lot of things, so maybe a destination wedding wasn’t the BEST idea for me. But I’m still doing it b/c my fiance and I agree with all the pros above!
Post # 6
We came to terms that not a lot of people would attend our Destination Wedding, but we are happy with our decision because it will be a very intimate wedding and the cost is SO MUCH lower than having it here in Miami.
No matter what you do people will always criticize, but all the matters is to have the wedding you both envision.
PRO- You can switch to an other resort after the wedding that way you two can still have alone time!
P.S A lot of our guests also have kids so we set up a babysitting service at least for the wedding part of the trip! If you give your guests enough planning time, it will be a vacation for them as well : )
Post # 8
Sometimes, Destination Wedding might seem cheaper, but often the cost is reflected onto the guests that choose to come. Location dependent of course.
I was planning a Destination Wedding with just immediate family. Everyone is so scattered, so we thought have them come to us in our state. We would have paid for the huge vacation house, food, everything but the plane tickets.
In the end my entire family (mom, 2 sisters) said they could not make it so now we’re just eloping somewhere cool by ourselves. That’s one of the risks with a Destination Wedding, some people just are flyers.
What’s the point of inviting family if one entire side cannot go?
Was your Fiance more explicit on the reason for being selfish? Does he have to have guests there if they cannot make it?
Post # 9
I see your points. He wasn’t explicit and I didn’t really ask him to elaborate more. I just left it with “We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” But to be honest, his family would be the only ones giving us a hard time if we eloped. My family is fine with the idea! They can afford it too. They just flew out to a friend’s wedding a few months ago and stayed for a week, so I know they’d do that for their own son.
What are some of the places you’re considering eloping? I love that idea!
Post # 10
@KJM33: if it is what you want do it, you will get some resistence from some people but others will love it! It isn’t always cheaper, it can be, but a DIY wedding at home would be a lot cheaper then what it will cost for many Destination Wedding (even if you are trying to do it on the cheap). I am spending about the same for my Destination Wedding for 20 – 30 people then what I would spend at home for 100 but that includes flights, my accom, and we are doing things differently, paying for welcome drinks, a day trip etc. I have never wanted to have the big wedding at home and I agree do what you and your Fiance want. Also you can still have the big white dress, a lot of Destination Wedding brides are doing this. Why not, you only wear it once. Look through some of the other Destination Wedding threads about dresses, even wearing them on the beach. It probably is hassle taking it on a plane but it will all work out 🙂
Post # 11
@KJM33: I think if it’s something you really want, then you should do it. It’s not unheard of.. it’s extremely common. It would be my second choice for a wedding (my first choice is to elope).
The fact that family/friends would be there during my honeymoon is a huge turn-off for me, honestly. I’d love to get married on a beach somewhere and stay there, but if people I know would be around that would kind of kill the romance.
Post # 12
I am having a Destination Wedding in NYC, my Fiance and I checked with our families and close friends. If they couldn’t go, we wouldn’t do it, but fortunately for us, we have no drama queens and everyone was fine with it, we will soon tell other friends who I would love to be there, but if they can’t make it, we are ok with that as well. We then also get a honeymoon by ourselves as we will go somewhere else a couple days after 🙂 best if both worlds. In my opinion, if it’s what you want to do, do it.
Post # 13
you can always spend a week or a few days with friends family before the wedding (and even a few after) then change resorts for a 2-3 day honeymoon alone. depending on how much time you can get off!
playa del carmen is a great destination, its where im getting married 🙂
Post # 14
My fiance and I are having a Destination Wedding in Dreams Villamagna in Nuevo Vallarta and there is a free supervised kids explorer’s club. So that’ll be nice for the parents attending.
This is a weird place to admit this, but I hate weddings and would rather have my teeth pulled than plan a traditional one here in Canada. It’s WAY too much stress. So for us, it was we were either going to elope or have a Destination Wedding where we’re essentially eloping but just letting whoever wants to tag along. This way, if it’s really important to someone to be at our wedding, they will make it a priority (the phrase “put your money where your mouth is” comes to mind). I don’t feel the need to spend a couple hundred dollars per person just because they are technically family and ought to be invited and they have nothing better to do on a Saturday night. No thanks.
You will have FAR less people come, but for me that’s almost a bonus (caveat: my fiance and I both have GINORMOUS families, like, he has over 120 first cousins). The only person I care if they attend or not, is my groom. Everything else is minor.
Post # 15
You forgot one pro: you wont feel obligated to invite anyone and everyone. At home weddings usually end up larger than anticipated whilst DW’s tend to be a smaller guest list.
I don’t get the hate for the family around on your honeymoon. We had a Destination Wedding in the states and Brother-In-Law & his Fiance decided to get hitched at out honeymoon destination. We even all stayed at the same resort but we hardly ran into anyone the place was so big and everyone was off doing thier own thing. We can take a vacation (which is all a honeymoon is) together anytime we want but family vacations are harder to organise the older everyone gets!
Post # 16
i know its only a vacation really, but theres something nice about spending your first few married days alone with your husband before you go back to real life, chores etc. i plan to spend lots of time with people before the wedding, so i dont feel bad about my 2 day mini-moon! im having 100+ people coming to mine (most are coming from within mexico so decline rate isnt high) so as we want a medium/small resort…we’d be bumping into people every 5 mins