(Closed) Arrggg… Need to Vent

posted 7 years ago in 40 Something
Post # 3
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I just turned 40 this month.  The difference for me is that it’s also my second marriage, so I get even more of the “You don’t deserve a….” and the list goes on and on:

white dress (which I didn’t want anyway)

veil

engagement pics (no idea why I’m not entitled to those)

church ceremony

on and on and on.

I say – do what you want – the people who truly care about you and want what is best for you will just be happy you’re having your BIG DAY just as you like.  I totally understand though!

ps.  I’m better at 40 than I was at 25 or 30 or even 35!

Post # 5
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

And… doesn’t it SUCK that’s it’s almost ALWAYS pointed towards the women who are 40+??  It seems like men can get married at ANY age and it’s no big deal, but let a woman do it….  

The reason I bring this up is because my Fiance is 42 (and  yeah, my Fiance is a guy :P) and we’re getting married next year.  He hasn’t gotten ANY flack about it (ok, well, maybe teasing from his friends, lol).  

Personally, age doesn’t matter.  It’s how YOU feel that matters!!!

Post # 7
Member
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Oneeleven: I’m 44 and I personally think there is something to be said for older and wiser:)  I hear you on the “dress for your age” thing because I work really hard on my body and I look better than a lot of girls in their 20s and 30s, if I say so myself. Yoga. Lots and lots of yoga:) I will admit that I had to give up mini skirts because the backs of the thighs just aren’t what they used to be. Ha ha.

I’m on my second marriage too and had the requisite “starter marriage” which I’m not sorry about in the least (lesson learned:)  But congrats to all of us “older ladies”, whether it’s the first time or…whatever time!

Post # 8
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

It’s crazy how there are so many stigmas associated with brides and weddings in general. There is a stigma for older brides, for younger brides, for encore brides, for same sex brides, etc. It just kills me. Love is love and should be able to be celebrated no matter how old, young or whatever the case is. Unfortunately, I don’t see things changing any time soon. Sorry you are having to deal with the drama of it all. Best of luck to you!

Post # 10
Member
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I have only run into this once, but I quit putting my age on things after that one time.  I look alot younger than I am and am proud to be 40!  When I still get carded for bars, don’t think that you can treat me like a dottering old lady.  Not this girl, not ever!  I went into a bridal shop in MN and filled out the form (including age) and gave the consultant the photos of the styles I liked.  10 min later she had pulled more “age appropriate” dress and nothing like I wanted.  WTF, I went through alot of trolls in waiting for the “right” guy, raised my son, had a career, and finally everything all comes together and I am going to be punished for it.  Hell No!  The next place I went to in my home town asked me if I was there to try on prom dresses!  That was more like it.

I proclaim to always have the PeterPanSyndrome. 

Post # 11
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Oneeleven: Age matters I agree.  Sometimes I become very sad when I realize I only have 20-30 good years with Mountain Man….. I wish I had met him earlier. But who knows if we would have clicked.  As I always say- If I hadnt been there I wouldnt be here.

And it matters in what we wear, how we plan.  The 20 somethings dont have to check their parents out of nursing homes to get to the wedding.  And worry if their relatives will still be alive by wedding date.

Post # 12
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

My best friends all married in their late 30s/early 40s and they have the best marriages out of all the girls I know…they married when they knew what they wanted/needed from a partner.

I think that is a HUGE plus and something that deserves more respect. They also all wore white dresses and veils and looked gorgeous.

Post # 13
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Evie19: being a hippy at my first wedding- didnt wear white- cant decide if white/blush/ivory is the way to go— somehow I dont think my virginity is a question- lol

Post # 14
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

@retreadbride: oh please, most of us white-wearing brides are not virgins and everyone knows it! 😉 I just think white and ivory is so glam and romantic at the same time!

Post # 15
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Evie19: lol- really?  I thuoght we were all straight out of the convent—  at least thats my story and Im sticking to it..  As David Turtero says- it all depends on the skin tone of his bride–  not many women can really pull off Clorox White. Go girl if you can.

Post # 15
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Evie19: lol- really?  I thuoght we were all straight out of the convent—  at least thats my story and Im sticking to it..  As David Turtero says- it all depends on the skin tone of his bride–  not many women can really pull off Clorox White. Go girl if you can.

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