Article claims that commitment issues are not a real thing

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee

Yes. But I do think some people dont recognize it and that’s why they stay in the relationship so long. They are happy where they are but theres something preventing them from making it permanent and they don’t realize they are with the wrong person and that’s why they feel that way. 

That’s my guess anyway. 

Post # 3
Member
2322 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I tend to agree… for example my husband never wanted to get married, until he met me. I think with the right person it’s not that hard of a decision to make  

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lauralaura123 :  

Post # 4
Member
4776 posts
Honey bee

In the way that you describe it? I absolutely agree with the article. Do commitment issues exist as in an issue with the idea of commitment itself? Possibly. But I think it is such a minute percentage that most people who think that is the issue are way off base. The ones with legitimate commitment issues are also likely the ones who aren’t in a monogamous committed relationship to begin with. Because it isn’t about marriage, it’s about commitment. They are the serial daters who don’t want to be tied down.  Or they are the ones with very specific reasons and a tremendous amount of self-awareness and they tend to be upfront about it from the very beginning.

For all the people who are telling themselves that the reason they aren’t being proposed to is because their partner is commitment phobic, I think it’s because it’s easier to be fed that line than it is to be told that somebody just isn’t that sure about you as a person. It’s a much much easier pill to swallow to blame it all on being unsure about commitment as a concept than being unsure about a person as a human being and partner. But as a whole, in my experience, if someone wants to be with you they will be with you. It doesn’t matter if finances align perfectly or if their career isn’t 100% in the spot they want it to be or they haven’t gone on the trip of a lifetime yet. A fourth or fifth year of let’s just live together and see how it goes isn’t going to be the magical thing that all the sudden makes them want to commit. Because it’s not about the commitment as a concept, it’s about the person. And they’re just biding their time and kicking the can down the road because breaking up and being single sucks. And they’re probably eventually hoping they can talk themselves into it because they’re too much of a coward to admit the truth to themselves or their partner.

Post # 5
Member
5853 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree. But rejection is a hard thing for someone to face, particularly when they’ve been living with a partner for years. Because of that, many choose not to see the truth and focus on the extraneous. The truth is that the men in these situations (and it’s usually a man, but not always) are holding out for something better that might come along. They’re not convinced that the woman they are currently sharing a life with is the best they can do. Harsh? Maybe. But I’ve seen It with others and experienced it myself.

Post # 7
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

I completely disagree. This is the same.level BS article I read yesterday that said women can’t be paedophiles. Of course they can. Saying commitment issues don’t exist is assuming that the partner who is unwilling to commit is a completely emotionally healthy individual and the person who they’re with just isn’t ‘the one ‘. Complete bs. Sure, in some cases yes but not ALL. A person can be completely capable of being a commitment-phobe with a series of partners, never able to settle down because of past issues/baggage/trauma, in the meantime wasting perfectly amazing partners’ time over and over again. It’s a mistake to assume that the remedy to a committment issue is ‘the perfect partner for them’ or someone theyre more “into”. Completely insane. 

Post # 8
Member
3603 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I don’t like the article. It’s suggesting that you have to rock some guy’s world to get him to commit. You have to bring your “A game.” Whatever does that mean? It’s important to be yourself so that you can see if you are compatible.

Post # 9
Member
1617 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

I was willing to entertain the theory…then I read the article. That article is ridiculous. “How to get a man to commit” – it’s a clickbait BS trap.

Post # 10
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

My husband and I both had commitment issues. They went away after about a month together

Post # 11
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

 

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SVandy60918 :  those aren’t committment issues.

Post # 12
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

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lifeisbeeutiful :  I had commitment issues preventing me from typing out a long response. Neither of us was willing to commit until we met the right person. I’m in the camp of commitment issues arent the issue the person you’re with is. We’d both been claiming to others (and to eachother initially) that we couldn’t settle down bc of commitment issues. His due to family problems, mine due to a past relationship thag went horribly wrong. I can assure you I know what commitment issues are and that they were present prior to my husband and I getting together. Neither of us was even open to the idea of marriage until we were. I can’t tell you how many women I’ve seen dating men for years, never taking the next step because he has commitment issues and doesn’t want to feel pressured only to get engaged three months into his next relationship and marry her. With my husband I was that next girl, he’d been dating and living with another girl for years saying he never wanted to get married ever, and here we are.

Post # 13
Member
1436 posts
Bumble bee

 Yes I would agree with the article 100%.  I think the reason it sounds confusing is because many people never know why they couldn’t commit to that person until they finally move on with somebody that’s right for them.  I’ve known many people that just said they had commitment problems until that person turned around and committed because they found the right person.  I’d also have to say that the people that are the exception to this rule are so few that you should always assume that if somebody can’t commit to you it’s time to move on. 

 

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lauralaura123 :  

Post # 14
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee

I feel like the article makes some pretty broad-sweeping generalizations and fails to take into account extenuating circumstances like distance, waiting to be finished with school, etc. that would prevent a person from committing right then.

Post # 15
Member
3258 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

For most people, yes. But people with attachment issues/disorders who grew up in troubled environments need to be acknowledged; for them, forming a relationship and sticking to it is truly difficult.

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