(Closed) As a BM/MOH, do you expect a gift from the bride? And would you like to pick it?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Do you expect a gift? Would you want to pick it? (choose all that apply!)
    I don't expect a gift at all. : (21 votes)
    18 %
    I expect a gift for all of the hard work I will be putting into helping the bride. : (7 votes)
    6 %
    If i didn't get a gift, I would be quite upset. : (6 votes)
    5 %
    I expect a gift, but won't be mad if I don't get one. : (23 votes)
    19 %
    If I got a gift, I would want the bride to pick it. : (35 votes)
    30 %
    I would love to pick what I get. That way I know it won't be completely useless to me. : (4 votes)
    3 %
    I wouldn't want much. Getting my nails done sounds awesome! : (22 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 2
    709 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    I just picked stuff for my BM’s but with my Maid/Matron of Honor I was a little more stumped. I ended up asking his Fiance what things he’s been wanting recently to get some ideas. Do your BM’s/MOH have SO’s/sisters/moms your close with that you feel comfortable asking? 

    but I tend to lean more toward gifts being a suppose altogether…if that part doesn’t matter, then go ahead and get a small list from each. 

    Post # 3
    8919 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    tattiibee:  I would feel very awkward if someone asked me to give them a list of BM/MOH gifts I’d like. The best advice I’ve seen is to figure your budget for gifts, then shop for each friend as if it were her birthday. What would you get her any other time? — Get her that!

    Post # 4
    47211 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I don’t expect a gift, a thank-you note wold be fine. If I do get a gift, I appreciate when it is something thougtful and personal to me, my taste and interests. The one thing I don’t consider a gift  is anything that is a prop for your wedding, even if you think I might use it later. That includes getting my nails done for your wedding.

    Asking me for a list says to me that you don’t want to invest the time and energy to think of ideas yourself.

    Post # 5
    5188 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I’d rather the bride pay my bridesmaid expenses than to receive a gift. Too many gift exchanges these days. Guests give money to the bride and groom and then they turn around and spend it on gifts for their bridal party. 

    Post # 6
    5365 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2016

    I’ve been a bridesmaid once and got a stupid robe to get ready in and we also had pictures made in them, so therefore I didn’t consider it a gift because we were required to wear them and they were for the brides sake. As long as it was something personal to me and that I would actually use and shows that you put thought into it, I’d be fine!

    Post # 7
    858 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    A gift is appreciated but not necessary. Personally I intend to get gifts for our people the same as I would for their birthday (save for the one who asked for a framed copy of her reading). I also plan on writing short but sincere thank you cards to everyone. Because taking the time to say how you really feel about someone can be really powerful.

    Regardless of how the gift sitution works out, the most important thing is that you MoH and BMs know you appreciate them. when I was MoH for my friend a few years ago I took two days before the wedding off work and spent both full days at the venue prepping it for the wedding (very raw space that the previous wedding hadn’t fully cleaned from…) and she…didn’t. I never even got a thank you card because I “did so much that I must know they were grateful”

    Post # 8
    558 posts
    Busy bee

    I do expect some token of appreciation, even just a small heartfelt card, but I wouldn’t expect a gift. I do think that especially if the bridesmaids had to contribute a lot of time, effort, and expense, then a gift is a kind and courteous symbol.

    I would find it awkward to be asked to choose my own gift; however, I think a gift certificate to use after the wedding, like for a manipedi, would be perfect.

    I agree with PPs that props and wedding prep don’t count – but I also echo that paying some or all of the costs of being a bridesmaid would also be a great gift. In that case, just a thank you card would be good to follow.

    Post # 9
    7199 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    tattiibee:  My BFF searched my etsy wish list and picked something from there. Three of my own maids have either some kind of wish list I’m aware of or a pinterest board of “wants”, so I’m choosing from there (or at least getting an idea of their tastes and desires). I think this way I know I’m getting something they want but I’m not asking them to pick it themselves. 

    Post # 10
    11 posts

    I do expect something, but it does not have to be anything expensive. Something heartfelt would be just as nice as something that they spent a lot of money buying.

    I do think it would be uncomfortable to be asked what I wanted, however. I would assume that since you are in the bridal party that you know eachother well enough not to have to ask.

    Post # 11
    128 posts
    Blushing bee

    I think the awkwardness/non-awkwardness of this approach will be determined by how you and your friends normally approach gift-giving (eg Christmas, birthdays, etc). I share a birthday with one of my friends and every year we have a birthday shopping date and buy each other gifts in the process, so this wouldn’t be weird, but I wouldn’t do it with any of my other friends.

    Post # 12
    9057 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Of course a bridesmaid shouldn’t expect a gift, no one should ever expect a gift. However a bride, especially one’s making bridesmaids pay for dresses for their wedding, should want to thank their bridal party with a gift. 

    Shop like you would individually for their birthday. If you ask them for a list they more than likely will tell you not to bother and that they don’t expect one. 

    Agree with pp’s who said anything to do with your wedding is not a gift for them, it is more a gift for yourself.

    Post # 13
    446 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I never expect a gift, and don’t really think they’re necessary. But from girls who have served in weddings, it seems like practical gifts are the most appreciated. Like bags, small/everyday jewelry, gift cards, etc. One bride made each girl her jewelry and then tossed in cute little things like you can get from the mass bins at Michael’s. And it was all in a bag and I can’t tell you how often I use that bag. I bought my bm and moh their dresses and jewelry, hair and makeup, nails, etc. … I’m giving them tote bags filled with things that I know or think they’d like/use. 

    Post # 14
    824 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I guess I always “expected” a gift bc it is customary. That doesn’t mean that I did not appreciate the gifts I received. When I got married I gave personalized tote bags to all 3 in my bridal party, at the rehearsal dinner. But since once Bridesmaid or Best Man (SIL) did nothing and complained about a whole big nothing, and was pretty rude and cold to me besides, I gave her nothing else in addition bc I felt that I honestly had nothing to thank her for (standing there? No, not after the constant attitude she copped with me, sorry). My sister who was my Maid/Matron of Honor hosted my bridal shower, along with my parents and my other Bridesmaid or Best Man, so I got my sister a generous gift card as thanks and she was thrilled. (My SIL was so unapproachable that my sister did not dare even ask her to contribute.) my other Bridesmaid or Best Man is a dear friend who did a lot, so I subsequently gave her a plaque from Persinalized Gifts. So when you give your gifts, give the “like” gifts at the same time and anything extra, if appropriate, separately. And no I would not ask them what they would like, you have enough time to figure it out and they will appreciate it that much more. Hope This Helps

    Post # 15
    48 posts
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I have never been in a wedding, but I don’t think I would ever expect the bride to give me something especially because we would be close friends. I would never NOT give my ladies something though! I am giving my ladies each a candle, a bag of Ghiradelli chocolates, Chapstick, Essie nail polish, a pretty notebook, a pair of earrings and lotion from Bath & Body Works. It’s not much, but it’s my way of saying thank you to them 🙂 

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