(Closed) as a bride, cant help feeling a little rejected by pregnant friend

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think she is trying to do you a favour by backing out of the bridal party, and of course it wouldn’t be an easy decision for her. At 39weeks pregnant and about to drop I doubt she would be able to handle being a bridesmaid, as it can be a fairly full on role and that is a time that she is meant to be resting and preparing for the birth of her child. If I were in her position I would back out as well, there would be no way my body could handle the added stress. Hopefully she will be able to come to your wedding and celebrate with you though.

Post # 4
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

Maybe she can still help out with some of the getting ready for the wedding, ask her if she still wants any part and just is backing out because of the timing.  She might have backed out though to be polite to you since she could be in the hospital the day of the wedding.  I’ve gotten a bit of a hard time for not wanting to go on trips to weddings/reunions in the weeks surrounding my due date but my insurance only pays full price at two hospitals so if I were to go into labor when we’re a few hours away it would mean a couple thousand out of pocket and not delivering in a place I’m familiar with so I’m standing firm. 

Post # 5
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

My Maid/Matron of Honor was actually trying to get pregnant during my engagement and I was sooo excited for her.  She ended up having a hard time so she wasn’t pregnant at my wedding but if she had been I would have been thrilled with her.  I’m a big believe that having a baby is way more important than a wedding.  Now, if she had to drop out I would of course be disappointed.  She’s obviously one of the most important people in my life.  But I would never be mad or upset with her.  She didn’t plan it maliciously.. so try to be understanding.

Post # 6
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sure she wasn’t “downing” your wedding or anything. It wouldn’t be smart for her to be in it, pregnant and she will be thinking a lot more about her pregnancy at that point, but who can blame her when she’ll be about to give birth, or have given birth.

Post # 8
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m sorry you’re hurt, but she probably won’t be physically able to stand for all the pictures and then stand for the ceremony and then walk around and greet people at the reception. On a normal day, that’s enough to exhaust a person. Imagine carrying around a full-sized baby in your stomach and then doing all of it :).

I’m sure she’s just as excited as ever about your wedding, she just won’t be able to stand as a member of the wedding party. I’m sure she’ll want to keep planning and dreaming about it with you.

Post # 9
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My situation is a little different. My best friend is getting married next year when my daughter will be just about 13 months old. She asked me originally to be Maid/Matron of Honor and I’ve told her that I’d be more comfortable as a bridesmaid because of my responsibilities to my family. Being in a bridal party is a big commitment and if the baby was to get sick, couldn’t travel, etc I would feel awful but would have to choose my family first. It sounds like your friend feels the same way. What if she’s in labor or has just had the baby right before the wedding? I’m sure she’d feel horrible to leave you short a bridal party member even though it is out of her control. Also being in a wedding is a big expense, possibly one she isn’t comfortable taking on while preparing for an addition to her family. I’m sorry you’re going through this but my advice is to try not to take it too personally. Good Luck!

Post # 10
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@sumsumlovin: I TOTALLY know how you’re feeling… One of my very best friends told me a few weeks ago that she’s pregnant and she is due two weeks after our wedding… Since she lives four hours away, it’s a bit of a challenge. She offered to bow out of the wedding, but I totally want her apart of our day, so I said no – we’ll role the dice. 

I struggled in the days following when she told me… I felt so guilty for feeling hurt… She we’ve been engaged for almost a year and I asked her to be a part of the wedding right after we got engaged, so she’s known when the wedding was for a long time… Also, I went above and beyond for her wedding and was there for her every step of the way and I was hoping for the same in return. Of course, all of this was unwarranted, but you can’t help how you feel.

But her pregnancy was not exactly planned and shit happens. I am elated that she’s pregnant and I know she’ll do everything she can to be there that day. We’ll make the best of whatever happens and there or not, she’ll be an awesome bridesmaid. And hey – at least we have a Dirty Delete at the bachelorette party!

Oh – side note – her husband is also in the wedding, so if the little one does decide to make an early appearance, it will be a double whammy to our bridal party. 🙂 Ce la vie!

Post # 11
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

@sumsumlovin:other friends and even our mothers think it was a little selfish on her part to not be there for me as i was for her and as she previously committed, or to “time” it better as not to be the same time.

WOW…incredible. Let me go to bed before my pregnant mouth says what I really think.

Post # 12
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I can understand your feelings, but I would guess that she’s backing out to do you a favor rather than to insult you or make you feel like you’re not important to her. I’m 39 weeks pregnant, and could not be in a wedding right now. I’m tired, sore, achy, and praying to go into labor right-this-minute!!! I would feel awful if I agreed and then at the last minute went into labor early or was in bed rest and had to back out.

I would let your friend know that you really care about her and even if she isn’t an official Bridesmaid or Best Man anymore, that you would love for her to participate in your wedding events if she’s feeling up to it.

Post # 15
Member
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@sumsumlovin:other friends and even our mothers think it was a little selfish on her part to not be there for me as i was for her and as she previously committed, or to “time” it better as not to be the same time.

Ummm… really? She has more of a commitment to her unborn child than what she ever would have to a wedding. I’m sorry, I just find that an incredibely selfish sentiment to suggest she should plan her family around your one day.

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