Post # 32
Not to thread-jack…but @MissBling
“I refuse to settle on a dress just because my bridal party cant afford to come to NY but I think if Im paying for half of it they may be able to work something out with good notice. We have already had this talk and they understand that there is that possibility.”
Why do your bridesmaids have to be there when you go dress shopping?
Post # 33
why would your bridal party need to go dress shopping with you. If you want to fly to the ends of the earth for your dress, more power to you I just don’t see why anyoen else needs to get roped into it.
Post # 34
I never really meant to make it sound like they need too. Absolutly not. I would never expect them too if Im choosing too leave my city, especially to go there. I just told them what Im offering to pay for IF it comes to that and if they can work with my offer than great, if not, then its okay.
Post # 35
- Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center
Can you just explain your allergy and that you will go to the sex toy party and the brunch. save your money and you can go to the first thing and the last thing
Post # 36
I’ll probably end up doing this. But probably won’t make the trip back to go to the brunch. I hope she’ll understand.
Post # 37
HOLY MOLY that’s a lot of money for sex toys! Wouldn’t $25 be more appropriate? With 4 BMs, that’s still $100, and if she wants to go absolutely nuts then its on her dime past that point. Yeesh….
I think $200 might be my limit for a local bash. Depending on how close I was with the bride and how many BMs there were to split the bill with.
Post # 38
I put no limit bc it went from $700 to that. However I wouldnt spend $5,000 or anything. I would spend prob a max of $1,000 if it included going somewhere fun. I would never make my BMs feel like they HAVE to do anything. I dont understand why brides or fellow BMs make another bm feel like this.
Post # 39
Can you say excessive?! We are currently planning the bachelorette for my BFF who I am Maid/Matron of Honor for. One of the BMs suggested Miami or Vegas. She is 23, single, no kids. I am 33, married, one child and one on the way. Priorities are SOOOOOO different now. I nixed the trip idea. We are staying in town and doing something reasonable so everyone can come.
Dinner and the club. Fine. Sex toy party and dinner. Fine. Brunch only. Fine.
Sex toy party, dinner, club, hotel, brunch, matching dress = LOONY!!! Who asks people to do that?! Say no. If Maid/Matron of Honor balks go to the bride.
Post # 40
It depends on my relationship to the bride, but honestly, around here…the whole “weekend getaway” thing isn’t really done.
Bachelorette parties around here are usually at the Maid/Matron of Honor house (potluck style meal, BYOB) then we give the little sex toy type gifts (where people buy whatever they want) then we usually go out for a few drinks at the bar.
In the past, I would say I have paid around $50-$100 for my portion of the bachelorette party. I think that sometimes people tend to forget that a bridesmaid has to also buy a dress she’s ONLY GOING TO WEAR FOR ONE DAY, plus alterations, plus shoes, plus hair and makeup….and the wedding gift and a possible shower gift.
If someone asked me TODAY to go in on a weekend getaway and wanted me to spend more than say $500, I’d decline. Not because I’m a cheapskate, but because I have other expenses and quite honestly, that seems rather excessive to pay out that much for a weekend away with the girls. Besides, I’m at a point in my life where I PREFER to sleep in the same bed as my husband. Spending the night away in a strange locale without him is not something that strikes my fancy.
Post # 41
I live about 35 mins from Kleinfeld. I cant imagine why someone would fly all the way here just to go to that place. You guys are near LA I would think she could find a dress out there and she sounds ridiculous.
Post # 42
Trust me, I don’t get it either.
Post # 43
This is insane. How many bridesmaids are there? I would suggest declining the bachelorette party, but it sounds like you tried that when the original idea was to do Vegas.
When I planned my bride’s bachelorette party, I made it very clear to everyone that we were being respectful of peoples’ budgets and having the max amount of fun on the cheap. Isn’t it about spending time with your nearest and dearest rather than going hog wild and being completely debauched?!
How reasonable is the MOH? Does she understand that people are under serious budget constraints? My advice is to leave the bride out of this and tell the Maid/Matron of Honor that you simply can’t afford all the bells and whistles of the bach party. Tell her that you can’t do the hotel (it sounds like you’re already leaning towards taking a cab or getting a ride back to your home) and you simply can’t contribute that much money towards the sex toy gift. That is SERIOUSLY ridiculous. To streamline everything, you can just say that you’ll meet them at the first bar they get to on the night out, and leave it at that. Meet them back at the hotel for brunch the next day and make sure there’s non gluten food options for you.
Does this help? I think you definitely need to bow out of the majority of the activities. Be polite, but firm. Let us know what you decide to do!
Post # 44
I know I’m late to the party, but I used to live in LA and I don’t think it would be necessary to get a hotel for the bachelorette party.
A night in our local city (LA)
Sex toy party ($80 a head) – those are some nice toys.
Dinner ($60 a head) – this is reasonable for a nice dinner out in town, you could easily spend much more than this
Hotel ($240 a room) – this is not necessary if you live locally. (If you live in OC or up by Santa Barbara then maybe stay with friends?)
VIP Club pass ($40 a person) – doesn’t include drinks – I would say this is marginally OK if you don’t plan on drinking a lot.
Brunch the next day ($75 a head) – where are you going for brunch? Even the nicest places I’ve been to for breakfast/brunch were not more than $50/head (Huntington Gardens Tea Room).
Matching Dresses ($50 each) – this is not necessary.