Post # 1
My best friend is getting married soon. We were really happy for her until we met her fiance. Her fiance dated one of my friends from college and he recently broke up with his ex-gf who he dated for 7 years because he cheated on her and she wouldn’t take him back. Then he met my best friend early this year and told her that he had never been in a serious relaitonship before and he has lied many things to her. Sad part is, he was still talking to his ex-gf while dating my best friend. My best friend is naive and believes everything he says and has no clue about his past. I know it’s not my business but it’s my best friend and her life and she will eventually find out all about this about her soon to be husband. What do I do? As a friend, do I keep this little piece of information from her and not tell her or do I bring this info up to her? Please advice.
Post # 3
Does she even know you knew the ex? I think for me I would have been like "what?! Joey dated my friend Jane for 7 years!" right away, so it’s harder for me to put myself in your shoes. I think that maybe if you approach it as a "maybe i’m wrong but he looks SO much like…" type thing, that might spark her interest. If she has suspicions she might ask more. Do your other friends feel the same- maybe a group thing would be best to tell her. What a horrible situation!
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2009 - Church Ceremony/Reception at The Waterford House
Hmmm… that’s tough. If I was in your position, I would tell her what you know, but without inserting your opinion. Although if he is manipulative, as it seems, be aware that he may try to turn her against you.
Post # 6
I think she needs to know. Is there any way you can give him an ultimatum? Either he tells her or your friends do?
Post # 7
I think you should talk to her. Their relationship is moving very fast and is predicated on at the very least omissions of the truth, but very likely lies. Your friend is probably going to be emotional and might just get mad at you, but I think if you truly think he is doing wrong by her, you owe your best friend an honest chat. I think its honorable and very best-friend worthy that you are concerned with this situation and are trying to do the best thing.
Post # 8
I would tell her and I am sure your other friend has pictures and such of them together so it isn’t like he can really deny it and get away with it. I know from my stand point I would want to know. I know my best friend well enought to know she is looking out for me and that she wouldn’t say something unless she had a right to be concerned.
Post # 9
I couldn’t NOT tell her about that, even if it meant sacrificing the friendship. I’d say "I’ll understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore after I tell you this, but I thought you should know."
Post # 10
i agree that she needs to know. what is your relationship with the fi? is there anyway you could tell him that he needs to either tell your friend the truth about your past, or you will?
Post # 11
Oh wow. That’s a really tough spot I’m SO sorry. (((HUGS)))
Well unfortunately I think she needs to know that he has been lying to her before she commits her life to this man. At the same time, know that if you are the one to break all this news to her, she may not be ready or want to hear it and may turn on you – not because she doesn’t love you, but because that is a LOT to process and she isn’t going to want to believe you ESPECIALLY since they are engaged. Even if they were simply dating that would be tough to take, but this is a whole different ball game. She is going to go through a gamut of emotions not only relating to having been decieved, but also think about the embarassment she is going to feel if she decides to call off the engagement. Jeez. I don’t know. Maybe enlist some help from some other friends so it’s not just you bearing the brunt of all this. Are there other mutual friends who could reinforce what you are telling her so it’s not a he said/she said situation?
Again, I’m so sorry you’re in this position!
Post # 12
ask yourself if you’d want to know. i know i would. i say tell her and let her know that you will be supportive of whatever she chooses to do, adn mean it. it is, after all, her decision to make. you may lose a friendship, but what if she found out later? she may be angry about it if you didn’t tell her. we can’t predict the future, so we have to do what we think is best now. my spiritual teacher once said, "do everything with love and let go of the results." i stand by that. no matter what the outcome may be.
Post # 13
I would personally say something. I agree with Ms. Beagle though, make sure that you’re not coming off too opiniated.
Post # 14
I agree with the others. You need to tell your friend. Be prepared for a variety of reactions, with some strong emotions aimed at you or her SO. Just make sure you have the FACTS, and like others have said, don’t give opinions. Then, support her as she processes and hopefully acts on this new information. Good luck, and I’m so sorry you have to do this.
Post # 15
Tell her. It’s what friends do.
How bad would you feel keeping this from her? The guilt would eat me up inside.
I’d want to know every little bit so I had all the facts in front of me before I could confront him calmly and reevaluate.
Post # 16
I agree with what ladybuglove said, if the situation was reversed, would you want to know? I know I would! But definitely try to do so in a non-judgemental type of way.