(Closed) As a guest, are you rude for not bringing a gift?

posted 6 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
1037 posts
Bumble bee

This is like a tree falls in the woods but no one is around to hear it….

I don’t think I could attend a wedding without a least a card… I don’t even go to dinner parties without bringing something. Even if no one notices, it’s still rude!


Post # 3
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

You should give a gift.  As a guest to participate in their event, you should NOT be rude and bring something to the couple. 

Post # 4
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

The thank you card is not gift grabby in my opinion. As a guest I would feel awkward showing up empty handed, even if it is only cash. Too late now, it is all said and done. Sending a gift would be odd

Post # 5
2865 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
luv2luv:  yes. It doesn’t have to be expensive, but a gift is expected.

Post # 6
32 posts
  • Wedding: August 2016 - Liberty House

Yes, I would say it’s rude. It’s one thing for the bride and groom to not expect a gift, but it’s a whole other thing for you to not bring one. I would bring a gift even if it were a destination wedding and I just spent $1K on plane tickets, even if it ended up being a small one. Just as I wouldn’t go to someone’s house party and not bring at least a bottle of wine. Mind you, gifts don’t have to be expensive if you can’t afford it! Honestly, anything that shows that you’re thinking of them and wishing them well would most likely work. 

Post # 7
1253 posts
Bumble bee

Gifts are never to be expected, and you are not rude for not bringing one.

Sending a thank you note to someone who did not bring a gift reads as ‘fishing’ to me like ‘In case you forgot to send your present… here’s a passive agressive reminder!’ The ‘thank you’ for attending their wedding ceremony is the reception afterwards. Nothing else is necessary. (If you DO give a gift, then yes of course a thank you note is required!)

Post # 8
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

As a guest,  I would feel rude and embarrassed not to give a gift. I remember forgetting the card at home one time when I was at a wedding and I think I texted the bride the next day telling her that I forgot it and would send it in the mail immediately.

However, now that I am going to have a wedding,  I wouldn’t consider someone rude if they didn’t bring anything.  I feel like I would just be happy that they showed up to celebrate with me 🙂

Post # 9
3107 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I can’t imagine going to a wedding and not bringing a gift. 

Post # 10
6609 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

You should never show up empty handed anywhere. No different than grabbing a decent bottle of wine when your friend invites you over for dinner, or picking up chips when you’re heading to a BBQ. The host would be rude to expect a gift from you but would not be rude to notice your lack of manners if you brought nothing (but would be extra rude to say something about it).

Post # 11
2402 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Yes, it is terribly rude. I would never attend a wedding and not bring an appropriate gift.

Post # 12
1032 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I honestly didn’t give a gift to the last wedding I went to but thats because the bride and groom were very gift grabby and expecting them…which I felt was rude so I didn’t get them anything. Not to mention, the only things on their registry were headboards, mattresses, couches, dining room tables and chairs, and VERY expensive kitchen and bathroom stuff. I couldn’t afford even the blender they put on the registry! They are two college kids who are very broke, so they thought their wedding was a good way to get very expensive stuff that they wouldn’t need to buy themselves. They didn’t get any of the stuff on their registry, because it was so damn pricy!  

The bride never sent out thank you notes for the bridal shower gifts I gave her or the bachelorette gifts either. So I don’t feel bad in the slightest. Maybe do a card if you really want to, but I think its dependent on the situation. If I did a card, the bride would have expected there to be money inside of it. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by kcoast.
Post # 13
8674 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

I don’t think it’s rude, no.  Maybe I’m a bit too pragmatic, but I don’t believe you can tell someone that they’re wrong to find it rude if a guest doesn’t bring a gift to their wedding, but with the same breath scold a guest as rude for not bringing a gift.  An action either is or is not rude.

That said, emily post says “Every wedding invitation carries the obligation to give a gift.” so I suppose they would say it IS rude not to give one.  (Quote from: http://emilypost.com/advice/destination-wedding-gifts/)

That said, I would never attend a wedding without a gift.  I have given services as a gift before, however.. (engagement photos; hair and makeup on the day of; baking the wedding brunch the next morning and paying for all the ingredients as well)

Post # 14
1705 posts
Bumble bee

I really don’t like this new trend of sending thank-you notes to people just for their attendance. They were given a free meal, drinks, and an evening out, isn’t that enough of a thank-you for attending?

Etiquette says that you are not required to give a gift. However, I think at least a card giving your best wishes is called for.

Post # 15
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

View original reply
knickergold:  I don’t think sending a thank you card to someone who attended your wedding is “fishing” for a gift. Most couples will send thank you notes only to those who gave gifts but some will send them to everyone. 

The topic ‘As a guest, are you rude for not bringing a gift?’ is closed to new replies.

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