(Closed) As a guest, are you rude for not bringing a gift?

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 16
Member
6524 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
luv2luv:  gifts are not expected, however, the bride and groom are the hosts of the wedding, so bringing a gift is a way of saying thank you. To be a part of someones wedding day, guest or bridal party, its special. I could never show up anywhere empty handed. Wedding, birthday, dinner party, etc, I have to bring something. Its the least I could do.  

Post # 17
Member
422 posts
Helper bee

I think you should always give a gift, even if it’s something small. The bride and groom were kind enough to invite you to their wedding, which is a hugely important life event, and then pay for your lunch/dinner/snacks whatever it is. To me, sending a gift is like saying “Thank you so much for choosing to make me a part of your wedding day.”

Post # 18
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I would never even consider going to a wedding without a card and money as an option. Im Italian so maybe it’s just a traditional thing and we go a bit to the extreme. But I would always bring a card with $$

Post # 19
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

As PP have said I would never go without a gift.  It is not really for me to say if someone else is rude or not but I personally wouldn’t do it. 

Post # 20
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee

What I find funny is that people say to the bride and groom “no one is required to give you stuff! don’t put your registry on the invite because it looks gift grabby! Don’t expect anything from anyone!” but then it’s rude NOT to get them something. Lol I mean I totally do gift at all weddings/showers/special occasions, but I think it’s funny.

There were probably 5 individuals/families who didn’t get us anything, including one of DH’s brothers. It was a little hurtful in that specific case, but I didn’t think the others were rude for not bringing anything. I’m sure they had their reasons!

Post # 21
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I cannot imagine being so rude as to attend a wedding and not take a gift. They probably sent a thank you card because they assumed that something had been sent/brought. 

Post # 22
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Yes Rude. I would NEVER go to a wedding without bringing a card/gift. We had several people come to ours and bring nothing- not even a card. It was a little off putting, because that is something I would never do AND we hosted a kickass party! =)

We, of course, would never bring it up to guests- but you best believe we know exactly who showed up empty handed but ate/drank and danced the night away! Life goes on, but my vote- RUDE.

Post # 23
Member
2552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

This is why dancing around the taboo expectation for gifts is ridiculous.  Yeah, it’s rude not to give a gift.  Yet we’re all supposed to pretend that we don’t expect our friends and family to do what they’re supposed to do and give us gifts at our wedding.  Because our friends and family are not rude.  Or rather, we don’t think they’re rude.  We often find out they are right around the wedding, when they try to invite 8 extra guests or send in their RSVP card a week past never, or show up at the wedding without a gift.

“Oh my gosh a gift???? I did not see this coming,” said no bride ever.

Post # 24
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

View original reply
luv2luv:  I don’t think it’s rude not to bring a gift, the purpose of us hosting a wedding is not so we can get people to give us things – it’s genuinely because we’d like people to come celebrate this step in our lives with us. If someone would like to give us a gift, that’s really nice, but we chose to have a wedding and invite people, I don’t think that makes them obligated to give me something in return. 

That said, I always bring a gift, but I would not presume to judge someone for not giving me one. Maybe their money is tight or maybe they had to spend money on a babysitter or transportation and aren’t able to spend additional money on a gift. I guess I see someone’s presence at the event as a gift and I’m appreciative of that.

Post # 25
Member
1809 posts
Buzzing bee

I would feel rude not bringing either a gift or a card with money in it to a wedding. That being said, we had about 1-3 guests who didn’t give us gifts and while we thought it was a little strange (because these people are usually generous by nature–we’re actually wondering if gifts got lost), we honestly weren’t offended. They are still our friends and we think nothing about it now that the wedding is 6 months in the rear view.

Post # 26
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I can’t speak for everyone, but I would never attend a wedding without a gift. It’s not about whether the bride and groom expect them or not, it’s about how I would feel for showing up empty handed. 

Post # 27
Member
6806 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I think the expectation is there for a wedding guest to bring a gift (not necessarily the bride/groom’s expecation, but society’s).  As with everyone else here, I wouldn’t dream of attending a wedding without doing so and have never declined a wedding without sending something either.

But… sometimes it’s just thoughtlessness or lack of education about it.  The first wedding my husband attended was a year after we started dating.  I was his +1 and I was the one who said “what are you getting them?” to be met with a blank face and the need to take him shopping.  It wasn’t that he was trying to snub them or save money, it just never crossed his mind!  

We had our wedding last June and got absolutely nothing from any of his (5) brothers – I’m going to assume for the same general reason, or they count on their parents’ gift as theirs as well.  Only one is older than husband and he’s a narcissist – the only one I truly believe would just not do it because he didn’t want to.  Would it have been nice?  Yes of course.  Do I wish there was a way to keep them from sticking their foot in it at the next wedding they attend?  Absolutely – but I dont know a way to do that without implying the screwed up at ours.  Hopefully their own future girlfriends will clue them in. Incidentally, their much older half sister declined our wedding (she was overseas at the time) and still sent a gift – so she must have picked up the concept somewhere, just as I did.

I guess I’m leaning toward intention – never knew or totally forgot?  Just thoughtless or ignorant of the ‘rules’.  Did it on purpose to snub someone?  Rude.  Don’t want to spend any money at all on bride/groom?  Cheap and doesn’t sound like a good friend in the first place (IMO).  Spent a crap-ton of money just getting there?  Totally cool with that, but at least a card would be thoughtful.

Post # 28
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Sassafraz in Toronto, Ontario

Wait, it’s rude to send thank you cards to people who don’t bring gifts? Would this apply if we specifically asked people not to bring us anything and just join us on our wedding day?

We come from struggling families and are doing well enough for ourselves that we are happy to treat them to a reception with no reciprocity expected. I just don’t want people to decline because they can’t afford a gift (after gas for driving for 2 hours to get there plus parking), and I want to genuinely thank them for coming with a card afterwards, specifically to share a wedding photo with them.

Post # 29
Member
9087 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I always bring a gift. It doesn’t need to be pricy, and the bride & groom don’t need to be asking for them. It’s the polite thing to do. Besides, they give me a reception, the least I can do is get them something to know I thought of them.

Post # 30
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
penguinwapi:  that’s exactly how i feel. gifts were a bonus to me.

i sent thank you’s to everyone who came to my wedding, gift or no gift. i wasn’t worried about coming across and greedy/gift grabby because everyone who was at our wedding knows us and knows we aren’t like that.

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