Post # 1
Ok, so DH and I were supposed to go celebrate our very good friend’s daughter’s birthday this weekend (memorial day weekend). His family lives in the same town we do and he lives 5-6 hours away, the party was going to be 5 hours away at a beach house (only 30 minutes from where the father lives) and we were all going to travel there Saturday and come back Monday to spend some time with them. He is divorced from their daughter’s mother and this has been planned for at least a month. The father’s ex-wife (daughter’s mother) is remarried and pregnant (though she hasn’t told anyone yet) and already had a party for their daughter.
Here is where I want your opinions, our friend told us yesterday that his ex-wife wasn’t going to let him keep their daughter until Monday suddenly because she has plans and wants to take her for memorial day. He’s really depressed because she pulls this stuff all the time, and we’re upset because we hardly ever get to see their daughter and driving 5+ hours to only see her (and our friend) for less than 24 hours is a LOT.
My question, is she just being mean/spiteful or as a parent can you understand where she’s coming from? Thoughts below.
Post # 3
I think it really depends on the situation.
If she has actual important plans, like her parents are in town that never get to see the child, or they have plans for some big deal or something it’s understandable. But just to have her for some memorial day small thing may be pushing her limits. Especially considering there was a party planned for the daughter ahead of time.
It really depends on the reasons for her needing to change the plans. And example, my daughter visits her father every summer for 5 weeks. She was supposed to leave July 6th but we have pushed it to the following week, twice a year her closest friends(we have a group with kids all around her age) get together to go “camping” we stay on a private island with two cabins that have no electricity, the kids play outside for 4 days and go swimming, go in the woods to play etc and it’s basically her funest thing to ever do. We don’t pick the days for the camping so we have to work around the schedule and there is no way I would ever make her not go since it’s her favorite thing to do and she talks about it all year long.
So if really depends on the situation, she could just be being spiteful or she could have good reason to postpone his visit.
Post # 4
as far as I know its just a bbq cookout type thing she wants to take her to. And the ex wife’s family lives in the same town so she sees all of them regularly… his family on the otherhand does not. Also she did this the last time he had her for a long weekend except it was dance class she “couldn’t miss” even though the dad pays for that… I’m just asking because I am not a parent and I feelike shes just being spiteful and wanted to ask some parents. I just feel like since we wanted to throw a big birthday weekend and spent the money and has mily and friednds driving in from way out of town she should let him have 3 days… (Sorry for any spelling or formatting problems, posting from my kindle)
Post # 5
She is clearly being mean. This is horrible. He had this party planned for a month and all of a sudden she wants the daughter that weekend for her own plans? That is mean to the father and the daughter.
Post # 6
I think it depends on their history and if there is any standing custody agreement. Memorial Day is a holiday- do they have a schedule for holidays in their custody agreement?
If they don’t have a formal agreement to adhere to then I think that the mother could be more flexible.
Post # 7
@kris325: Are there legal custody arraingments in place? If not, I think it’s time to consider so that the mother can stop emotionally hurting your husband.
Post # 8
LuvMySailor It is not HER husband- the OP is talking about a friend of theirs.
Post # 9
@LuvMySailor: I agree. Why does the mother call the shots? There should be a proper custody agreement.