(Closed) As an Encore bride have you ever felt….

posted 6 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Angkinah:  I understand to an extent; virtually no one on my side, except for my closest friends (who are happy that I’m happy) and new friends (who weren’t around for the first wedding), cares about the actual wedding.  Most people are on board for a party on our tab, but are ambivalent about the wedding.  My own grandmother is debating whether or not she’ll go.  But… if they don’t want to be there, I don’t want them there!  

Do what is best for you and your Fiance, and if they come out to support you, great.  If not?  Well, cherish those that do. 

Post # 4
Member
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

No, and I was rather surprised, I almost expected it.  But so far I’ve only received congratulations and well wishes.  I think it’s because everyone who knows me knows how happy I finally am and that I’ve now found the right man for me.  Also, everyone loves my Fiance, he’s adorable.

In your case I would just ignore them.  You’re not getting married for them, you’re getting married for you.  It’s your life and you have every right to live it as you so choose, without getting grief from anyone else.

Post # 5
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I haven’t experienced any judgments – but I admit I do feel a little guilty that one of my BMs and my Maid/Matron of Honor are in “another” wedding for me.   I’m trying to keep the costs down to a minimum.

I feel very lucky.  I’m marrying a man who announced that he was NEVER GETTING MARRIED many years ago.  His side is absolutely over the moon about this wedding.   My side is happy too. Smile 

Post # 6
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m not even having a ‘real’ wedding this time and I feel like people are ‘over’ me getting married.  Very few people ever ask how it’s going (when the first time no one would leave me alone), and when they do they don’t really want to hear the answers.  I get that no one is as excited about your wedding as you are, whether it’s your 1st or 50th, but it would be nice to be asked.  I have no one really helping me this time, except the Bee, and 2 months to do everything myself.  In my case, I got married the first time before any of my friends or most of my families were even engaged, there was a 3 year gap between our wedding and the next one, so now (almost 8 years later) everyone has moved past marriage and is now all about their children and it feels like they’re looking at me like I’m wrong for being ‘engaged’ and not ‘married’.  That’s great, but my husband DIED…I have no choice BUT to start over…I never got to have that life LOL.  

Post # 7
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Angkinah:  I hear ya.

I am a Encore Bride as well… as my upcoming wedding will be my second

My first marriage was both a good thing (the then LOVE of my life) as well as a car-wreck.  We were married over 25 Years.  He had a lot of problems, including being abusive due to an ongoing illness… in end I just couldn’t live with him anymore (I came to realize that ours was a toxic relationship) so I left, and we eventually got a divorce… he then got even sicker, and died.  It was very sad.  I couldn’t live with him, but I never stopped loving him, as he was a good man and father, just a horrible husband.  And well, as I have grown a lot myself, I’ve come to realize that a lot of what happened between us was the illness and not him directly.

I never thought I’d marry again, to be honest I saw myself married forever and always… till death do us part.

Little would I know, that fate would intervene.  And when I wasn’t looking, but when I needed someone the most, my SO would walk into my life.

I was sooo not interested in the beginning, just looking for a bit of fun, and told him that he didn’t want to hook up with me… as I had a ton of issues that I was contending with (post divorce, and emmotionally).

My SO though pursued me, in a very subtle kind of way… we had some common friends and interests so he used that as a way that we could go out together.  Lol, I remember telling him “this isn’t a date” (ya right… looking back, who was I kidding).

In the end, he wooed me… I couldn’t help but fall in love with him.  For the first time in my life I was in a loving healthy relationship with my BEST FRIEND.

Six Years on and now we are planning our wedding (December 2012).  And although it will be a smaller affair than either of us have had before (Destination Wedding / Elopement), it is important to me, and just as valuable as that of any of Bride, young or old.

And surprisingly my family are the keenest ones… although friends seem happy to. 

Many have tried to convince us to have a Ceremony closer to home, or come along to celebrate the Wedding with us.  (NOT going to happen… I am going to savour the fact that this is less of a big deal for me this time round **…)

I’m enjoying WBee because I get to talk about my wedding plans with like minded women (be they first timers or encore brides).  I feel like a giddy school girl again (isn’t that what LOVE is supposed to feel like)

I found WBee beause there is a real lack of info out there for mature brides (I like to use that term) vs Encore… because it sums up a larger group of ladies… you can be a Mature Bride whether you are divorced, widowed, or are 20 or 90.  “Mature” means you’ve learned something about life, and can bring that to the table in your new marriage as well.

— — —

** NOTE – We are going the Destination / Elopement route as that is what we want to do… not because we have to (or feel relegated to do so).  A courthouse wedding would NEVER be my thing.

The feelings that you are speaking of are soooo old fashioned.  Mature Brides can do WHATEVER they want these days to celebrate… including wear the long white dress & veil… or have a HUGE Wedding at a great venue. 

As I’ve found out thru internet searches… There are NO RULES (thank goodness).  So don’t let anyone tell you there are.  Etiquette is far more relaxed nowadays about Encore Weddings… because they are more common than they were back in the day… so nothing to be ashamed of any more… with the high divorce rate for first marriages, society is much more capable now of embracing remarriages… and being happy when one falls in love, and wants to make a commitment and declaration of that LOVE infront of others.

Just that not enough folks know this… because there aren’t enough websites dedicated to info for the Mature Bride.  And that is sad.

 

 

Post # 8
Member
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MerryWidow:  So sorry to hear your husband died – hugs.

Post # 9
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

In the early weeks of our engagement, I was subjected to some REALLY hurtful comments from my family about the fact that I am having another wedding.  (e.g. “You know no one will want to come to another one.” and “Why would you have a wedding?”)  I haven’t forgiven them.  I will certainly never forget. 

I was exceptionally committed to my first marriage and I have two beautiful children from it.  My ex-husband walked away.  Period.  He’s gone.  He is drunk somewhere with a hooker, I imagine.  I’m  not quite sure what my family expected me to do…stay a single mom forever?  Whatever.  I moved on. 

The good news is that I found someone that I love more than I realized I could possibly love someone (besides my children).  I found my soulmate.  (I just never believed that they existed before…)  I’m going to marry him.  At a big,  huge, expensive, lavish wedding.  And my family can jump off a cliff.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My Aunt has had a string of bad luck, 2times widow, 1 divorce.   4th wedding at age 69 in a big white dress and big wedding.  

 

Post # 11
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Sunfire:  Oh thank you!  It sucked, but I’m happy again Smile

Post # 12
Member
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MrsTimmy:  Age 69!  Very cool.

Post # 14
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@MerryWidow:  My condolences as well.

Some say Divorce is harder because one’s Ex is always possibly around (more so if you have kids).  Some say Death because it is so final (especially so if you have kids, who are in pain too). 

In my case I’ve had them both happen to me (same guy) and I’d have to say, no doubt about it… they both suck.  So yes, finding happiness another time around is a real treasure for us “Mature” Brides.

So much sweeter when you get to find LOVE when you least expect it to happen… and so much better because you both have lived enough of life to understand how “precious” that can be.

Sounds like you and your fiance are truly blessed, CONGRATULATIONS !!

Post # 16
Member
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MerryWidow:  So happy that you’re happy again!  That’s really awesome.

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