@Angkinah: I hear ya.
I am a Encore Bride as well… as my upcoming wedding will be my second
My first marriage was both a good thing (the then LOVE of my life) as well as a car-wreck. We were married over 25 Years. He had a lot of problems, including being abusive due to an ongoing illness… in end I just couldn’t live with him anymore (I came to realize that ours was a toxic relationship) so I left, and we eventually got a divorce… he then got even sicker, and died. It was very sad. I couldn’t live with him, but I never stopped loving him, as he was a good man and father, just a horrible husband. And well, as I have grown a lot myself, I’ve come to realize that a lot of what happened between us was the illness and not him directly.
I never thought I’d marry again, to be honest I saw myself married forever and always… till death do us part.
Little would I know, that fate would intervene. And when I wasn’t looking, but when I needed someone the most, my SO would walk into my life.
I was sooo not interested in the beginning, just looking for a bit of fun, and told him that he didn’t want to hook up with me… as I had a ton of issues that I was contending with (post divorce, and emmotionally).
My SO though pursued me, in a very subtle kind of way… we had some common friends and interests so he used that as a way that we could go out together. Lol, I remember telling him “this isn’t a date” (ya right… looking back, who was I kidding).
In the end, he wooed me… I couldn’t help but fall in love with him. For the first time in my life I was in a loving healthy relationship with my BEST FRIEND.
Six Years on and now we are planning our wedding (December 2012). And although it will be a smaller affair than either of us have had before (Destination Wedding / Elopement), it is important to me, and just as valuable as that of any of Bride, young or old.
And surprisingly my family are the keenest ones… although friends seem happy to.
Many have tried to convince us to have a Ceremony closer to home, or come along to celebrate the Wedding with us. (NOT going to happen… I am going to savour the fact that this is less of a big deal for me this time round **…)
I’m enjoying WBee because I get to talk about my wedding plans with like minded women (be they first timers or encore brides). I feel like a giddy school girl again (isn’t that what LOVE is supposed to feel like)
I found WBee beause there is a real lack of info out there for mature brides (I like to use that term) vs Encore… because it sums up a larger group of ladies… you can be a Mature Bride whether you are divorced, widowed, or are 20 or 90. “Mature” means you’ve learned something about life, and can bring that to the table in your new marriage as well.
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** NOTE – We are going the Destination / Elopement route as that is what we want to do… not because we have to (or feel relegated to do so). A courthouse wedding would NEVER be my thing.
The feelings that you are speaking of are soooo old fashioned. Mature Brides can do WHATEVER they want these days to celebrate… including wear the long white dress & veil… or have a HUGE Wedding at a great venue.
As I’ve found out thru internet searches… There are NO RULES (thank goodness). So don’t let anyone tell you there are. Etiquette is far more relaxed nowadays about Encore Weddings… because they are more common than they were back in the day… so nothing to be ashamed of any more… with the high divorce rate for first marriages, society is much more capable now of embracing remarriages… and being happy when one falls in love, and wants to make a commitment and declaration of that LOVE infront of others.
Just that not enough folks know this… because there aren’t enough websites dedicated to info for the Mature Bride. And that is sad.