- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
I’m new here, stumbled across the boards doing some google searches and once started clicking around I was hooked! I figured I should register and have a safe place to share my woes.
Let me explain myself. I’m 23 now, met the man of my dreams when I was 18. We were both young, I was fresh out of a not-at-all healthy relationship and not in a good place in my mind. Hll kind of sort of chasing a girl that definitely was gone for good and neither of us were looking for love. We both kind of felt like love meant to be when we met, but we became fast friends. Our chemistry was undeniable regardless of how hard we fought it. This progressed over the next couple years until we were essentially dating, except we call it that and we technically express our relationship in public. All of our friends knew, before we really even knew what was really happening think. The summer of 2010 we were on our way to the family cabin and found out his parents were going out there for the night too. I knew that that mants no love and affection all weekend and I finally snapped. I cried because I didn’t want to b his “ecret girlfriend” anymore and I turned the car around and drove him home. then I went hme ad in classic girl style, I cried some more. I had broken through my suff and I wanted him to atually be with me but I was afraid he wasn’t ready and that I had pushed too hard. thus far, I hd been so patiently waiting and I had no idea how he was going to react to this. It didn’t really come up again until the next weekend, when it was cabin time again. I told him straight up that I didn’t want to go and pretend to be his friend. He looked at me and he told me everything would be ok, that I should go.
I did go, and it was ok. Great even. He loved me out loud, to his parents and sister, which Iknew was a huge step for him. Finally is was official. After a year of getting to know each other and a year of me not knowing what the heck was going on, finally we knew we were together and it was official. We moved in together a year later and we’ve been living happily that way for two years now. He is my soul mate, my love and my favourite person. We talk aout forever, babies, we’re in the saving/planning stage buying a house. Until very recently, no nts we would be together forever, no qualms or even thoughts of a ring. I knew (I still know, just struggle wth some other things now) that he loves me unconditionally and that he. is my forever and ever. But friends get engaged and a girl gets thinking about things..
Before around Christmas time, I brought it up because we’re honest about things and I figure. if I wasn’t honest about it I can’t expect him to read my mind. So we talked, he asked why an expensive ring was important to me and I explained it wasn’t about the ring, that it is about the commitment. He said he thought engagement was a five or six year thing and I explained that always understood it as a when you decide you want to spend your life together thing and I was under the impression he understood that. We discussed the merit of the fact that we can’t really afford a ring or a wedding right now and the conversation with him telling me to give him a year or two.
Early April, my Grandma brought us wedding bands and my mom gave us a diamond ring and another wedding band. We discussed it and both agreed that we’re not in a financial position to turn down gold and diamond rings and neither of us are frivolous so we’re not bother by the free or second hand aspect. I wll wear my Grandma’s wedding band and when he finally pops the question, we’ll have to trade in my mom’s diamond ring (its 10kt and I can wear only 14kt gold)
So now I’m just waiting and can I say, it’s driving me crazy. Try as I may, my normally very reasonable and rational brain cannot stop playing everything through my head. We have the rings, we have the love and commitment. What is holding him back? All I can think about it how he could but he’s not and somehow, that makes me feel like maybe I’m not doing something right or maybe he doesn’t actually want to marry me or maybe maybe maybe. And yes, I know its all crazy girl emotions and I know he loves me. The way that he looks at m, I know he’s not going anywhere and I have absolutely no idea how I got so worked up about this. It doesn’t change a thing and it’s not like I actually doubt him because he hasn’t popped the question. But I am going a little crazy up in my head. I even went so far as to make him “engagement chicken” for dinner yesterday. Utterly and completely insane, I tell ya..
I want it to be something he wants too, I don’t want to rush or push him but I also want to marry the man of my dreams and start a family. I don’t want to rush to plan a wedding so I anticipate a two or so year engagement and then some time before babies and not going to lie, I would rather be finished having babies at 30 over starting!
I guess I’m just asking for your advice, your wise and experienced words on how I get through this and get my crazy woman brain off diamonds and weddings and honeymoons galore before I go utterly insane and take away my chance of ever getting proposed to by doing it myself or becoming an emotional nightmare!