AS to the Breastfeeding in Public – When to stop BFD

posted 2 months ago in Babies
Post # 31
Member
634 posts
Busy bee

tiffanybruiser :  Honestly, I think they will quit when baby can ask because they have some strange ingrained notion that it’s weird to breastfeed past that point. It’s not weird, and in an ideal world breasts would never have been sexualized to the point that anyone thinks feeding a child with them is weird.

Where do you think the uncomfortableness stems from?

Post # 32
Member
7865 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

daisy123 :  Ok, so now you’re acknowledging that it is a sense of discomfort most likely.

As to where the discomfort could stem from, I can’t answer that because I haven’t experienced this feeling myself. Thus, I’m not about to pass judgment on those who have, or presume to know what made them feel that way.

Even if you’re right and it is sexualization of breastfeeding…do you think that telling a mom her decision to wean when she did was “cruel and backwards” is helpful? I just can’t understand why you’d say that to someone. 

Post # 33
Member
808 posts
Busy bee

Would you feel comfortable breastfeeding your adult child, or your husband? Serious question, food for thought…

 

My comfort is related with my autonomy, and not much more. I don’t like kids pulling my nursing cover down to watch me breastfeed not because it has anything to do with sexualization, but because my body is private and I get to dictate what I’m comfortable with people looking at, and who gets to look at what. Some people don’t like showing their arms, some people don’t like showing their toes. Those have nothing to do with sexuality, they’re just not comfortable with it for whatever valid, personal reasons. I’m not comfortable with my child having a vivid memory of what my private areas look like, so I’d prefer to end bfig by 2. Other women have different comfort levels with their bodies, and they’re the only ones who get to dictate that for themselves. I wouldn’t tell someone they shouldn’t let their 5 year old see them topless, as much as I wouldn’t tell someone their 5 year old *should* be able see them topless, because “breasts aren’t sexual”. Modesty isn’t always about sexuality, it’s about privacy. 

Post # 34
Member
634 posts
Busy bee

tiffanybruiser :  Sure I’d say that. If I was close enough with someone that they told me they’ll quit when baby learns to ask, I’d have no problem saying “don’t you think that’s a bit mean and backward? I mean, you spent how many months teaching your baby how to articulate their wants and needs instead of screaming, and then boom – congratulations, you’re cut off.” I’d know my audience first and if I wasn’t worried about pissing them off then I’d say it.

That’s not shaming someone for weaning. Big difference there. I would never shame anyone for quitting. We’re not talking about a mother of a newborn struggling here. We’re talking about someone who has clearly established a breastfeeding relationship. 

Post # 35
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

Daisy’s not saying it’s cruel and backwards to stop when you’re uncomfortable – just that it seems cruel that the touchpoint of when breastfeeding becomes uncomfortable is, for so many women, when their baby can ask to be breastfed. That does seem really inversed to me, that right at the moment a young child can articulate their needs and for that precise reason, you will start to take away what it is they ask for – for that reason specifically.

Post # 36
Member
634 posts
Busy bee

kiram :  No, that’s not a serious question. It’s a patronizing question. I do agree that the rest of your statement is totally valid though. But again, that’s different from quitting because you’re weirded out that your kid can now ask for it, which I think I have repeated about three times now. 

Post # 37
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

I wouldn’t feel comfortable breastfeeding my husband, what a weird straw man argument kiram                Nor would I feel comfortable feeding an adult child. Socially or physically – Milk teeth are there (and so named) for a reason and it would not be possible to latch with adult teeth. Breast milk in mammals is there to feed babies and small children, that is it’s purpose and I wouldn’t feel comfortable BFing outside of that – because what would the purpose be??

 

 

Post # 38
Member
808 posts
Busy bee

kia2019 :  It wasn’t an argument against it. If one feels that breastfeeding has no age limit, I’m curious as to whether they might feel comfortable with adults drinking breastmilk, and why or why not. There are arguably nutritional benefits…not to the same degree that it can benefit babies, but breastmilk has been used by adults throughout history, and some still do today for supposed health benefits (though in those cases, it’s pumped). I think “it’s not convenient for anyone without milk-teeth to breastfeed” is a valid answer. It was genuine curiosity. 

As far as articulation, I think it has more to do with the mental milestone that’s reached when speaking becomes possible. It’s not a baby who can suddenly use words instead of cry…they’re a toddler now, they’re making more intellectual connections, they’re growing up. Reducing it to just articulation simplifies it too much.   

Post # 39
Member
7865 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

daisy123 :  I mean, you spent how many months teaching your baby how to articulate their wants and needs instead of screaming, and then boom – congratulations, you’re cut off.” 

When you condense it to this, it does sound off. But like all things with parenting, I really doubt the decision to wean at this point is as black and white as you’re making it out to be, or as flippant.

Post # 40
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

Twizbe :  

lifeisbeeutiful :  To each her own, but this “Time to stop when they can ask for it” argument has always seemed bizarre to me. My daughter could “ask for it” using the sign for milk when she was 8 months old. So does that mean it was time to stop? If you had an autistic child who didn’t talk until four, would you then feel comfortable breastfeeding until that point? It’s just a really arbitrary cutoff point. 

Post # 41
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It is an arbitrary cut off for me. I feel like I will need a reason to stop at some point. I stopped feeding my son at 13 month as I was going back to work and trying to get pregnant again. I’m not going back to work this time and she’s my last baby so I dont have those reason this time whatsinaname8 :  

Post # 42
Member
7452 posts
Busy Beekeeper

motherbee33 :  I haven’t fully read this thread but the time to stop is when you one of you want to. Period. Anyone who tries to put an arbitrary age on it should be ignored.

Personally I chose to cut down to just morning and bedtime sessions at her first birthday (except a few random exceptions). I wanted my body back to a degree and since I work full time it was easy to just extend the weekday routine to the weekend. She weaned herself fully at 20 months. But what was right for us isn’t what will be right for everyone else. 

Post # 43
Member
3769 posts
Honey bee

People stop at all different times, it’s all about what works for you. I stopped at around 10 months. I vividly recall having my breast tugged on because something interesting would catch their eye while they were nursing and they’d turn to look at it. Ouch. Then they started talking during nursing and it got messy, so I figured it was time. My son went right to the cup, no prob, my daughter had a bottle for a month or so and then she used a cup. I was glad to have my body back and since I was with both of them the vast majority of the time, I didn’t worry that I was robbing them if their sense of comfort. I didn’t want to be a human pacifier.

Post # 44
Member
77 posts
Worker bee

You can stop whenever you want. It is between you and your child and you can do it until either one of you feels done. But just because he is 19 months and big does not mean you need to stop. It is recommended until at least 2 years. But absolutely no shame if you don’t make it that long. Your child will be fine either way.

I have three kids. My oldest nursed until just after turning 2, including a period of time of tandem nursing my second. My second nursed until a couple weeks before turning 2 because I was pregnant again and it was super uncomfortable. My youngest just finally gave it up a couple weeks ago and he is almost 3. My oldest probably would have been fine stopping much sooner but my other 2 would have continued longer. I feel like extended bf’ing is becoming much more common now. I have a friend who is constantly nursing her 18 month old in public and no one bats an eye. 

Post # 45
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

kiram :  All it takes is one college anthropology class to learn that there IS an upper age that human children, barring outside/weird influence, will nurse. The average age throught our evolution is thought to have been anywhere from 2.5-4 years old. Even kids who are totally allowed to self-wean generally won’t go much longer than that, on average. Nobody goes into middle school still nursing because their mom never cut them off. Adults using breastmilk for any reason is definitely an outlier. 

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