(Closed) Asian girl + White guy stereotype

posted 7 years ago in Intercultural
Post # 63
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@poppygirl16:  I admit, I have a tendency to judge Asian girl/white guy couples I meet in Korea, only because in most cases the girls don’t speak English fluently and the guy doesn’t speak Korean fluently. I find it really difficult to imagine being happy in a relationship where my partner and I could not have in-depth conversations about . . . about anything and everything, I suppose. Whenever we go out with these couples, the guys will start talking about something in English – movies, the news, whatever – and the girls immediately start jabbering away in Korean about Gucci bags or how to control your man or whatever. Drives me nuts.

When we were in Thailand some people assumed that my Fiance had “hired” me because I apparently looked like a local girl (I tan very easily). I found it offensive but at the same time I kind of understood, because every other Asian/white couple I saw consisted of an old white man and a very young Thai girl. Maybe some of them were genuine couples, I don’t know.

But that’s in Asia. I wouldn’t give an Asian/white couple a second thought if I lived in the US. Mind you, I have struggled a lot with the question of whether guys were attracted to me simply because I was Asian. (I wrote my MA dissertation on Asian American women and gender issues, lol.)  I don’t mind it if a guy finds Asian girls attractive, but if that’s the only thing a guy seeks out in a girl, I would most definitely think less of him.

Post # 64
Member
1784 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@faeriehazel:  I don’t speak Japanese fluently and my Fiance doesn’t speak English fluently.  We actually manage pretty well with a mix of both.

Post # 65
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Jabberwocky:  I should have been clearer – with most mixed couples I meet in Korea, the guy speaks very, very little Korean. Sometimes they speak enough to order a beer or direct a taxi, but that’s about it. I’ve only met one couple where the guy spoke enough Korean that he could communicate with his girlfriend by mixing the two languages.

I think if you’re dating someone who speaks a different language, you should at least TRY to learn said language (this is not directed at you, Jabberwocky – I’m just speaking generally). What really annoys me about white guys dating Korean girls here is that they assume the default language of their relationship is going to be English and don’t make much of an effort to learn any Korean. So then it’s always up to the girl to learn more English. And they’re living in Korea! I mean, if they’re happy that way, then more power to them, but it doesn’t seem very fair to me. (If they were living in the US it would make sense.)

Post # 66
Member
1784 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@faeriehazel:  I do agree that it’s unfair to expect all the language learning to happen only on one side.  And one should always make an effort to learn the language of the country they live in.

Post # 67
Member
6354 posts
Bee Keeper

This is not PC, but you didn’t ask for PC responses.

I think that he is most likely sexist and was looking for someone subservient and/or “exotic” like an object is “exotic” (whether he got that or not is another story…most asian girls I know are pretty firey… which I think is awesome.)

And I think she overvalues white men too much (especially because most of the guys who are in this type of relationship are more douchy…see above for why that is.) I feel bad that she’s “whitewashed” and thinks of white men as “high status” …she doesn’t value her own culture very much. I also assume she goes by something like “Mary” rather than her real name (e.g., Ming). I know, she will say it’s “easier to pronounce,” but a) no it is not that hard to pronounce your name and if other people don’t bother that is their problem because they are rude, and b) it is not your name!

Those are my negative biases based on my experiences. I know they might be wrong and when I get to know the people, I am quick to adjust them if I realize they don’t apply to that couple.

Oh, and I definitely think they communicate in English all he’s learned in her language is how to say “I love you” and a handful of swear words.

Post # 68
Member
6354 posts
Bee Keeper

@poppygirl16:  I do kind of agree with that blogger’s charts.

Oh and I am reminded by reading the other responses in this thread, in some cases I question whether she has citizenship here and whether that is her reason. I guess this thought tends to come up if it seems like her english skills are weak and/or there is an obvious age/attractiveness difference in the couple (her being younger/better looking, obv).

Post # 69
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@poppygirl16:  funny blog but as i said in my post before i think you can stereotype anything! here there are different ones but the theme is always the same. I’d just ignore them, most people don’t go by stereotypes anyway!

Post # 70
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

If they are of a similar age, people in Sydney don’t really look twice. It’s when the male is in his 50’s-60’s and the girl in her 20’s that people tend to frown upon it.

My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I are in the opposite situation. I am white and he is Asian, but no one seems to have a problem with it. His town is predominately Asian so I do feel out of place when we are out sometimes! I’m the only the white person around for miles!

Post # 71
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee

@mrsbruff2b:  i agree with this.

i’ve actually had guys tell me they were disappointed because they thought I would be submissive but crazy in bed a la asianmuffin.com because i am a petite asian girl. ugh.

despite this i’ve kept away from dating asian guys because i’m not demure and traditional – they (and their families) are often very judgyjudgy. sigh.

can’t win. :p

so i guess i used to be judgmental when seeing an asian girl with a white guy. these days, i kind of think that this is actually the lesser of several evils – whatever works.

Post # 72
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@KallahinBaltimore:  I find it sad too. Especially since I am the white woman engaged to an Asian male. I think it’s due to stereotypes about Asian males you see in advertising, movies, etc … they aren’t portrayed as sexual and frankly, that sucks. Asian men are as attractive as any other race, culture, religion, etc…

 

I don’t know if Psy and Gangnam Style did anything to help that … maybe, maybe not.

 

I read the same thing as you did, I think – in Time magazine several years ago.

 

@poppygirl16:  Good diagram!

 

And to everyone, what are your thoughts when you see a WHITE WOMAN (in my case, Jewish as well) with an ASIAN MALE? Just curious … When I see other couples like us, I go “hey, my fiance and I aren’t unique anymore!”

 

Personally, I am so proud of our differences, and how he was raised – with such respect for family, education, etc … As I was saying, it does really upset me when I see the way Asian males are portrayed sometimes in the media.

 

Post # 73
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I have zero desire to lie. I can say in all honesty that I never think anything of it when I see younger couples AF/WM. BUT, older? I immediately wonder if they are retired military who met while the man was on deployment.

 

I don’t think thats racist, its just law of averages to SOME degree. A common occurance. If I think anything about the younger couples its just in reference to what I’ve heard mentioned by white males about Asian females being highly desirable ((shrug)).

 

Now, lets talk about WM/BF stereotypes LMAO! You all already know the biggest one.

 

Post # 74
Member
549 posts
Busy bee

@BillysBride2011:  Haha, i would have thought that BM/WF was a way more common occurence and stereotype!

Post # 75
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@MrsBtoBe14:  Tell me about it! Other men in particular seem to have NO problem just flat out saying stuff about what I must be like in bed. My ex would tell me all kinds of crap other guys said to him. Its ridiculous. Always has to be “jungle fever”. It got to the point where (right out of college when my ex and I first moved in together), we actually put ‘JNGFVR’ on his license plates just to see the expressions on people’s faces in the rearview! hahahaha!

I’m a smartass though and he was a proud guy. Said he knew what people said, so might as well “shove it down their throats”.

 

Post # 76
Member
549 posts
Busy bee

@BillysBride2011:  HAHA that’s so funny! Yeah, these “fetish” brands are annoying (although, i suppose, slightly flattering…)

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