Post # 1
My fiances Mother is on a set income and will not be able to contribute to our wedding, My mother and father are seperated and my mother is now on a fixed income as well. And my fiances father is absent. My father and i have never really been super close but we are in contact with each other. I dont think he would come out and ask me if i would like help with our wedding (which we are paying for all by ourselves) Or if it would be rude to ask him if he is planning on contributing…What do you guys think? Thanks for any advice!!
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
If you’re comfortable asking, I would ask. That way you’re not left wondering or hoping he’d offer up some money.
I’d ask him if he had any plans to contribute towards the wedding, and then if so, you can make a budget with him there… and decide if he’ll be giving you a set dollar amount, or buying specific services.
I mean the worst he’ll say is no… and most Dad’s know its traditional for them to pay, so I think if he can afford it, he would give you what he can.
Post # 4
You would know better than us how your father might respond, but if you do ask, I would keep it “gentle”… maybe tell him you are creating your budget, and all the other parents have weighed in on whether they can/can’t contribute, and before you make any assumptions, you just wanted to check and see whether he was planning to pitch in at all. Just make it clear that you’re not expecting anything; it’s more a practical question to help you make budget decisions. Would that work?
Post # 5
Etiquette says it’s rude to ask for money. Depending on your relationship with him, he may offer. My Fiance & I are planning to pay for our wedding ourselves, so we’re having a 2 year engagement to give us time to save up. Our families are contributing in other ways (help look for venues, choose flowers, other non monetary contributions).
Post # 6
Maybe it’s me, but I wouldn’t and couldn’t ask a parent I’m not close with to help finance my wedding.
Post # 7
I think that would be rude. Money for a wedding is a GIFT not a automatic given when you’re born. I think if your dad wants to give you money he will and otherwise it would be rude to ask. But thats just me. I’m super close with my family and I would never dream of asking such a thing. Getting married means its time to start your adult life. Would you parents ask their parents for money? If the answeris no then, I would say no in your situation. But thats just my 2 cents, if you’re comfortable asking and don’t think your dad will find it rude, do what you got to do!
Post # 8
I’m pretty close with my dad and I was still a little warry of asking him to help me out. But he opened the door for the conversation so that made it easier.
Maybe wait and see if he asks about the wedding and then maybe use that as a segway to ask about contributing.
Post # 9
@DaneLady: In every wedding ettiquette book I have read, one of the first things they talk about is approaching your parents re: financing the wedding. It is traditional certainly, that the bride’s parents especially will put in money, if not pay for the whole wedding!
So, to the OP, YES ask! You don’t sound like a demanding person, so get to talking about your plans, the budget, and take a breathe and just ask if he’s able to contribute. You might be happily surprised! Maybe he can give you installments, maybe he’d prefer to give one lump sump, or maybe he’d like to pay for some specific thing- like the catering or the bar, or the venue.
Either way, it will be worthwhile, since you won’t be left wondering!
Post # 10
I know people say it’s rude to ask for money but… it’s your parents, not random strangers. You know if they’ll be offended or not, but I think most parent’s wouldn’t be, honestly. Fiance had to ask his parents if they were planning on contributing- they were waiting for us to ask because they weren’t sure if we’d want/need any help. They wouldn’t have been the ones to bring it up but they were happy to help when Fiance asked. Just try to leave the conversation open so that he doesn’t feel pressured or uncomfortable.
Post # 11
Thank you everyone for your advice! I do NOT automatically feel intitled to any money from my father, If he chooses not to contribute i wont in any way be upset or offended by it. I was just confused on how to approach the situation as a whole. I have also read ettiquette books and they say one of the first things to do is figure out the budget and who will be contributing. When it gets closer to the wedding ive decided to politely ask if he plans on contributing. Hes not the type of man that would be offended and the worst he could say is no right? But he is the type of man that afterwards i could see him saying he didnt help because i didnt ask! So i have figured it all out and THANK YOU all again for you advice! Its appreciated ((=