Post # 1
I feel like a complete idiot!!
I got engaged in the summer of 2008 and this summer of 2010 I am finally getting married! Over the years I become completely over-zealous I’ve asked close friends, new friends, cousins and old friends to be in my wedding party. As of now I have seven Bridesmaids ( I have even fired one) and My fiancé has only chosen two people as of now to be in his but will have five all together once he asks the other three!
Here’s the thing, I originally asked a best friend of mine to be my maid of honour but she lives in the States and I’m in Canada so when an old best friend came into my life I asked her to be my new maid of honor and asked my best friend to step down to bridesmaid. (She’s a wonderful and kind person and was super understanding about it!) Now I’m starting to feel terrible about it and think it was incredibly tacky of me! Since the new Maid/Matron of Honor change over my new Maid/Matron of Honor has been a nightmare. She’s a talent agent and is also a partner in the business. She never has time to talk wedding with me, and if she does she gives me her ideas about my wedding instead of listening to mine. Before she would often says “Just elope in Vegas” Her latest idea was to have a backyard wedding which was a neat idea but so not me. She had me convince until I realized how much work was involved and that it wasn’t what I wanted. I did tell her she was being incredibly rude about the whole thing and asked her to stop. She apologized and hasn’t mentioned the Vegas wedding in fact she stopped talking to me. I’ve called her and emailed her but she rarely has time to talk. One time I called her to ask a non-wedding related question and she told me that time was money and she didn’t have time to answer me right now. So I’ve been teetering on the idea of firing ANOTHER MOH!
Secondly since I got engaged I’ve been completely indecisive about everything from flowers, to my dress, to location!! The only thing contestant has been my fiancé…even then I question myself…JUST KIDDING (I think) anyways because of my indecisiveness about such details. One bridesmaid in particular has been quite bitchy to me about it, and keeps saying things like…”Well I don’t want to go buy my bridesmaid dress if you’re just going to change it another three times” or “Are you really going with this location, after all you’ve changed it a million times.” AND she’s in University, works and has a boyfriend attached to her hip and rarely calls or emails me but she’s my cousin and I asked her to be in my wedding when I first got engaged AND If I fire her it may cause some drama with my family.
SO here I am with SEVEN bridesmaids and clearly think I’m Snow White! No wonder Snow White went into a coma until her wedding day! So what do I do? Do I fire the slackers and keep the ones I really want to stand beside me bridesmaid party or do I just deal with the slackers and keep all seven?
Post # 3
Well.. start writing a list girl, thats the only thing your going to get it clear in your mind. If I was in your situation
1. would cut down on bridesmaids but involve them in the wedding still. I.e One does a reading or something.
2. write a well formulated letter to Maid/Matron of Honor. She may just lift her game
3. I also think you will need to sit down and narrow things down top threes on everything i.e, chose your top three venues. If one turns out not suitable you go the next, but you do not bring another venue into the fold to replace one of your missing three. It will settle you then. Worked for me!
Post # 4
My bestie did this with her wedding – I think she may have gotten up to 9 bridesmaids! In the end she did a big freak out and had to have a bit of a chat some of the girls about how she really wanted for them to be involved but that she just couldn’t have that many – she mainly focused the reason around their budget and that they had over-extended themselves and in the end she got it down to 3 BM’s. She worded it really nicely and generally found them other stuff to do ie. readings and no one was really too concerned about it. I know some people on here say that firing BM’s is a definitely No Go but I think if you word it well you should get what you want and still have your friend at the end of it – also, if people aren’t pulling their weight demote them or get rid of them. The whole idea of BM’s is to help you out and be there for you during the whole process – if they’re not doing that they’re not worth the drama! Or at least that’s my opinion! Good luck with everything!
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2010 - Casa Real at Ruby Hill Winery
I personally think you cannot un-ask bridesmaids. I have 8 and I’ve felt like that’s too many at times, but I could never ask any of them to step down, because at the end of the day there’s a reason why I asked them. I would think twice before asking any of them to step down.
Post # 6
Thank you so much for the advice!
I’ve sent out a huge email to all seven bridesmaids regarding my expectations for the wedding and the possible cost for being a bridesmaids.
I asked them to graciously step down if they can’t afford being a bridesmaid or can’t be supportive during the planning of the wedding.
We’ll see what happens.
Post # 7
Even if I could afford it and wanted to be supportive, if I got a mass email calling all the bridesmaids to task and asking people to step down, I would likely respond with:
“Peace out Bridezilla – good luck to the other ‘maids!”
I think it is quite tactless to do it as a mass email, calling (or meeting them for coffee) each personally would be much preferable.
Post # 8
I took a moment and really thought about it and thought, Yep! I’m being ridulous. As much as I would love to meet my bridesmaids for coffee They live in different provinces and one in the states. I’ve tried calling but they all have careers and university. They have all said email was the best way to communicate. I wasn’t saying, DO THIS OR FEEL MY WRATH it was more, if you can do this great…if you can’t no problem…if I can help you with costs let me know… But I think I needed a wake up call myself…Thanks for your thoughts- Peace Out!