Post # 1
5 days ago I passed out personalized gift baskets to my 6 girls (sister, BFF, sister n law, sister n law 2, cousin x, cousin p)to be my bridesmaids. I have received the sweetest messages, and responses from all of them except my one cousin. I know she received the basket but I have yet to hear anything from her. Wouldn’t calling me or texting me be the first reaction? Today I was at a family get together and was speaking to one of my bridesmaids that already accepted and she told me that cousin p who hasn’t responded yet is upset bc I didnt ask her sister, cousin z to be a bm also. Cousin z is my family but I did not ask her bc she is 6 yrs younger than me and we hardly ever talk. Also bc I want the number of gm’s and bm’s to match. The day before I sent out the packages to my future bm’s I asked cousin z who I wasnt asking to get coffee and got her a bouqet of flowers. I felt bad I wasn’t asking her and I wanted to explain myself as to why I wasn’t choosing her. She seemed completely cool with it and I even let her know that I would want her to be in it in the wedding some other form but I was still in planning process and havent got that far yet. Now I’m hearing that she is indeed upset and her sister, cousin p who I did ask is also. I still have not heard anything and I wish that instead of hearing what they think from other people, that the younger sister, Z would have expressed herself when we did speak about the matter, and that the older sister, cousin p would at least acknowledge my request. I would understand if she said no bc of her sister, I just want someone to say something. Am I wrong for choosing a friend over family? That is what they are saying. Should I confront P and ask her what is going on? What do I say? Or should I just wait for her to contact me? I have been trying to not me hurt by this but I’ve even been thinking of un-asking cousin p so that both sisters are not in it.
Post # 3
I think that everything you did here was perfectly acceptable! You even went out of your way to make sure cousin z understood your reasoning! I don’t see why they would be upset at all, and it’s not fair of cousin p to not bother replying to you. Maybe if I were you, I would sit down with them both and try to explain the situation again. Also, maybe if you had something specific in mind for cousin z, that might help. Maybe a reading during the ceremony? Maybe your aunt/uncle could say something to them as well? I think that they’re being pretty unreasonable and unfair in this situation.
Post # 4
I think that was really awesome of you to talk to cousin z in advance! Really, you did all you can do. It sucks that you’re cousin is acting like that, but she should really base her decision to be in your wedding on your relationship with her and not with her sister.
Post # 5
Ugh, family drama was the thing I hated most about wedding planning. You did nothing wrong and should not feel guilty over it at all. You kept cousin Z’s feelings in mind and talked to her about it – she should have been honest. You just can’t make everyone happy – someone’s always gonna complain. Your cousin shouldn’t be acting like a child; she should at least be an adult and confront you with it.
Post # 6
I think it is really sweet to give a gift basket, but it also kind of implies or puts an obligation on the receiver. She may feel that since you’ve already given her a nice gift, she has to accept, which she really doesn’t seem comfortable doing. I don’t think you did anything wrong with choosing your maids, other than this. I would just reach out to her and explain.
Post # 7
You took the words right out of my mouth
Post # 8
Passive-aggressive behaviour, like this, makes me nuts. She should have at least let you know, directly, that she received it. Theoretically, she could have had to check her finances, or maybe her job is up in the air or something – there are lots of potential reasons. Not responding at all is rude.
To be upset because you didn’t also ask her sister is a bit rude as well. I understand that siblings stick together, but it’s not her wedding.
How much time has gone by since you asked her? I would say if she doesn’t get back to you soon, contact her and let her know that you’re ok with her saying no, if she’s going to have issues. Better than her being sulky and sucking the fun out of your wedding.
Post # 9
@chercee: I’d say about eight months have gone by.