Post # 1
I asked my friend to be a bridesmaid last week and she still hasn’t responded to me with whether she can do it or not. I didn’t want to ask her to be a bridesmaid over Facebook, but we’re both very busy and I decided just to ask her over a Facebook message because I wanted to make sure that I asked her in some way as soon as possible. Now it’s been eight days and I haven’t even gotten any response from her. I can even see that she saw my message a few hours after I sent it because Facebook tells you when the other person sees the message you sent them.
We live in different cities and don’t get to see each other very often (once every few years). However, we’ve known each other since we were little and we were best friends until I moved as a young teen. Since we have so much history together, I think it would be really special if she was a bridesmaid.
I can be bad at responding to messages quickly sometimes too, but this is a big deal. I feel like it’s an honor to be asked to be a bridesmaid, and it bothers me a little that it’s been eight days with no response from her. I understand if she can’t make it (I’m asking two months before the wedding, so it’s kind of short notice) but I’d rather hear that she can’t do it/she’s not sure yet over silence. I get the feeling like she can’t make it and she feels bad about it and doesn’t know how to tell me. I don’t know what’s going on.
My mom thinks that I should write her again and ask her again, but I feel kinda weird doing that. Sooner or later though, I need to know so that I can continue making plans. I love my friend and want her to be there. Should I write her again or wait a few more days and see what she does? Have any of you had a similar situation?
Post # 3
I would call her. Facebook is so impersonal. At the very least send her a text message…
Post # 4
Do you have her phone number? You really need to call, even if it means leaving a message. Tell her it’s okay either way.
Post # 5
I had actually originally called her and left her a voicemail asking her to call me back. She didn’t call me back after two days, so I sent her a Facebook message asking her if she had gotten my voicemail. She quickly wrote me back and said that she did but hadn’t been feeling well at the time. She asked me how I was doing but never called me back. I waited a week to see if she would return my call and after she didn’t, that’s when I decided to go ahead and Facebook message her since I thought it might be easier since she sounded really busy.
Post # 6
Maybe call and leave a message or send another Facebook message saying something like “Just wanted to make sure you got my message. I also wanted to let you know there are absolutely no hard feelings if you are unable for any reason to be a bridesmaid, I just wanted to make sure I asked you because you are special to me for reasons x, y, z.”
Post # 7
Well… it kind of sounds like a “no” to me, but she doesn’t want to actually say no. But I hope I’m wrong.
Post # 8
If you feel it is an honor for her to be asked to be a bridesmaid, I probably wouldn’t have done it on FB. I’d call her and explain you’ve beenmeaning to call but thought fb would be easier until you both had the time to chat on the phone.
One of my closest friends actually emailed me a few months ago to tell me she’s expecting. I was pretty pissed that she announced such big news in such an impersonal way. There are just some things that I think should be done in person or st the very least over the phone.
Post # 9
I feel that if #1, she won’t return your calls, and #2, you asked her over FB and were ok with doing that, she probably isn’t as close a friend as you thought. When I asked both of my BMs to be in my wedding, I did it over the phone since we’re all in different cities. But it was more personal than FB. Actually, FB isn’t personal at all. My guess is she’s either a littler perturbed you messaged her to ask, or you two aren’t as close as you thought.
In any case, call her and talk about it. If you want her in your wedding, ask her then.
Post # 10
I really hope that I didn’t offend her by asking over Facebook. That wasn’t my intention. She knew that I had originally tried to call her and I left a message. We aren’t able to be as close of friends anymore because we haven’t lived in the same city since we were 13, but she is still a very special friend to me and we primarily keep up through Facebook. We’re both in college and very busy and I wanted to make sure that I asked her before it got to be too late. I figured that she would call me after she saw the message.
Post # 11
It sounds like a “no” to me. I would message her again and tell her it’s no problem if she can’t.
Post # 12
@misslala: Call her again. Say just what you wrote here, “I really hope that I didn’t offend you by asking over Facebook. That wasn’t my intention. You are a very special friend to me. I tried calling you but since we’re both very busy I just wanted to be sure to ask you before it got too late to give you the most time possible to consider it. I would really love for you to be my bridesmaid but if for some reason you cannot do it or it just isn’t your thing I totally understand. Would you please give me a call sometime this week or pop me a quick message to let me know? Thank you and looking forward to hearing from you.”
Post # 13
I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer, but if she won’t respond in 8 days for such a simple request, I don’t think you want her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I would ask again, but try to ask in a way where “no” is the easier answer, e.g.
“Hi Sue, If you can’t be my bridesmaid that’s ok. It sounds like you’ve got a combination of sickness and study. I’ll assume it’s a no unless you phone me. Again, really it’s ok, and I should have asked sooner. I still really hope to see you at the wedding anyway and you’ll get your invitation in the mail soon, Love, Miss Lala”.
Post # 14
If it takes 8+ days for a response (maybe more since she hasnt answered yet) then why WOULD you still want her as a bm? I can see what would happen down the line with her being a horrible bridesmaid. I might be wrong but I would not want an unresponsive person to stand next to me on my special day.
Post # 15
I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt because she’s such a sweet person and we’ve always had a good relationship, even though we don’t talk/visit much anymore. It’s actually very out of character for her to not get back in touch with me, so I feel like something is going on and I need to call/text her to keep things out in the open.
Post # 16
I asked one of my bridesmaids over Facebook because she is ALWAYS on there. So I knew that was the fastest and best way to reach her (as she never answers the phone and is pretty ditzy with texting). She responded in about a day. With a yes.