(Closed) Asked if I want to be engaged but no proposal or ring, ideas/thoughts?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
4663 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@GIJen:  I would say that you’re not engaged until he formally asks you, will you marry me, or something serious like that. it sounds like he was just feeling out the waters when he asked if you wanted to get engaged.

a bigger question though, is do you want to be with someone who is so tight with you this early on? You deserve someone who WANTS to spoil you and wants to make you happy. Him knowing that you want a ring that is not expensive by any means and not wanting to go out of his way to get it for you when he can well afford it sounds extremely selfish and self centered. Just think really carefully about if he is the kind of guy you want to be with for the rest of your life. He is already putting his WANTS before yours. It would be a whole other story if he were a struggling student or if you didn’t care about a ring, but you obviously do want one. It’s the thought that counts. Even if he doesn’t agree with the concept, the fact that YOU want one should be enough.

As a contrast, here is a post http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/young-engaged-bees-show-me-those-e-rings from young engaged bees. Their rings may not be huge, but their FI’s saved up what they could to do the best they could. That kind of thought is so touching and it is what every girl deserves. I want that for you. Please read through the thread and you will see that this is how girls should be treated and spoiled. If for nothing else, for your engagement ring.

It’s not the engagement that’s important, it’s the lifelong marriage that follows. And with someone selfish like him, I don’t know how well that will go in the end. I would personally grow to resent Fiance if I paid for a portion of the ring. Even if I offered to do so. As I said, it’s all about the thought and the emotion behind it, not about the material object, which is just a symbol of all that stuff. It’s an important symbol to some… to most women… but not the be all end all. But if it’s important to you then by all means, you should have one!!!

Post # 5
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Just to note, £999 is $1,580 (your currency is way stronger than ours!).

I was torn on the whole ring debacle myself.  You don’t need a ring to get married.  I make a comparable salary to him, and it just didn’t seem fair.

Then again, my mother didn’t have an engagement ring, and she told me she always regretted that.  Further, I just really wanted one.  I wanted a ring as an outward sign of our union.  It was important to me.

So what did we do?  I made it fair.  I got a ring, so I bought him an engagement present of comparable worth: he got top of the line golf clubs!

Post # 7
Member
3108 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

@GIJen:  I think you need to have a conversation. It seems as though you guys are on totally different pages regarding the ring. I wish he could see that this is the cultural norm and you are not asking for anything extravagant.

Please consider that this is what your life will be like. He seems frugal to the point of miserly which if you’re not will lead to conflict. Do you have drastically different spending patterns?

Post # 8
Member
4663 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@mamadingdong:  He seems frugal to the point of miserly which if you’re not will lead to conflict.

Yes, I totally agree and that’s what I was trying to put forth in my reply too.

I like the idea of getting him an engagement present too, rather than you splitting the cost of the ring, if that makes you feel better ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 9
Member
6212 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

No, you’re not engaged. You don’t seem to even feel engaged, and there is no wedding planning going on. 

Also, I think that it is a huge deal that he won’t spend that on a ring. It’s not like you would even be able to buy a sports car for that money. To me, a wedding ring is more meaningful than a sports car anyway. Have you had a real discussion on why he’s being so cheap with this? If it were me, it would make me feel extremely unimportant.

Post # 10
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee

Hey, well Ive been with my fiance for 6 years and he just recently proposed last year. We are fresh out of college (me 22 him 25). I talked about marriage two years ago and he was all about the money and timing and blah blah. We had a serious comversation about money and that I didnt need a ring to be engaged and he was like, if i cant afford the ring we cant afford to get married. After that we didnt talk about it for a while and he surprised me while om vacation, no ring! We bought something online for like $100, i love it. Were upgrading before the wedding. I think he felt pressured to buy me something extravagent and i hate it or I would have chose something more modest. Maybe explain to him that marrying him is more about the committment and let him know the ring can come later and youll both put aside money so no one feels pressured. Maybe buy your e ring, band and his band at the same time so he can really see where the money goes ๐Ÿ™‚ good luck, 

Post # 15
Member
6212 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

ALl this talk of “test driving” is unnerving to me. Isn’t that what dating is for? Don’t get engaged to him until he is begging you to marry him

Post # 16
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee

Well maybe just talk to him. If the ring is that important then I suppose let him know what youre thinking and that you want to be engaged so he needs to figure out what hes comfortable spending. All i was saying before was buy something engagementy online or at a store that is meaningful for the moment and then next year or whenever you would go buy rings for weddings pick out a bridal set together. ๐Ÿ™‚ 

The topic ‘Asked if I want to be engaged but no proposal or ring, ideas/thoughts?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors