(Closed) Asked MOH way too early!

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should I do?
    Keep "friend" as MOH if she wants : (3 votes)
    5 %
    Have my sister be MOH : (57 votes)
    95 %
  • Post # 3
    1283 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2017 - Baton Rouge, LA

    @WeddingBells2014:  hmph. sounds like yall arent really friends anymore. this is a very common occurance between high school friends after going off to college. She doesn’t seem interested in being a part of your wedding, much less your life. If I were you, I would just stop trying to contact her, cut your losses, and have your sister be your Maid/Matron of Honor. You wont regret that decision.

    Post # 4
    95 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    @WeddingBells2014:  People grow apart when they get older. At no fault of their own. It sounds like you two have just headed in different directions. I wouldn’t ask her to be in your wedding. I would definitely go with your sister as Maid/Matron of Honor. Besides, she may not even want to be in your wedding. I am sure she doesn’t mean to hurt you. You both are just not in high school anymore and have had different life experiences. Don’t worry about her. Just ask your sister. If she is mature she will understand.


    Post # 5
    957 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    @WeddingBells2014:  Go with your sister. While it is rarely acceptable to “dethrone” a Maid/Matron of Honor, you aren’t really friends anymore.

    Post # 6
    57 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    @WeddingBells2014:  Take the high road (though she doesn’t necessarily deserve it), and at least try to contact her to tell her how you feel. If you just drop her without telling her, that gives her a reason to put blame on you. Whether it’s a text or phone call, however you can, just be honest.

    Say, “I’m really bummed out we’ve drifted over the years, but I want you to know I will always care about you as one of my friends. I realize we aren’t as close as we used to be, but it would still mean the world to me to have you at my wedding. The Maid/Matron of Honor title is still yours if you want it, but if you’re more comfortable attending as a guest, that’s okay too! Just know that I would love to have you there, in whatever way works best for you!”

    Again, you don’t owe her too much at this point, but looking back you’ll be happy you were the bigger person. Then you can truly say you did all that you could.

    Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaid drama happens to just about all of us. True colors show eventually, sadly enough! Good luck with everything!

    Post # 7
    10453 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    It sounds like the friendship is pretty much done. Which sucks, but that happens when people grow up and go different ways in life. Ask your sister to be Maid/Matron of Honor, and I honestly wouldn’t even worry about informing this friend of your choice. I doubt she even remembers at this point. 

    Post # 8
    2946 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Does she even know you think of her has your MOH?  After three years, unless you talk about often (which, if you aren’t talking, you aren’t) she may not even remember. 

    Post # 11
    9139 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    @WeddingBells2014:  Sounds like you aren’t friends anymore and you should move on with planning as if she isn’t the Maid/Matron of Honor.  She cut off communication and changed her phone number.  That’s a pretty clear message that she isn’t your friend.

    Plan your wedding as if she isn’t in it.  When she finally breaks down to call and ask about the wedding, let her know you haven’t spoken to her since X date and since she changed her phone number without telling you, you just assumed that she no longer wanted to be friends much less your Maid/Matron of Honor.  Oh, and stop sending her birthday presents, she’s not your friend anymore.

    Post # 13
    401 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @WeddingBells2014:  I wouldn’t keep trying to contact her if she’s making it that difficult, just ask your sister. My bff from highschool was like that and I eventually got sick of putting in all the effort, she wasn’t at my wedding (not sure she even knows I got married!)


    Post # 14
    1876 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Wowzers. I’m sorry she’s being such a pisspoor friend. It sounds like she doesn’t really think of herself as your Maid/Matron of Honor anyways, and I doubt she would hold on to the fact that you asked her three years ago. I would send her a message asking for her phone number. If she gives it to you call her and say what @TexasBride2014 said above (but skip the part about the offer still standing). If she doesn’t give it to you within a week or so then message her the same thing.

    Post # 16
    519 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @WeddingBells2014:  I agree with others that she probably has forgotten about the whole Maid/Matron of Honor idea. I would consider a request so far in advance relatively unbinding and would’ve expected you to ask me officailly a lot closer to your wedding date. 

    I myself would not want that woman involved in my wedding especially when a family member such as your sister would be more available for you. I can’t imagine how stressful it’d be planning with your Maid/Matron of Honor ignoring most of your messages!

    I would’ve blow up on her after hearing she “forgot” to tell me she was in town for a full week and have taken that as a clear indication that she has moved on from friendship and has no place in your bridal party.

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