- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
I am sorry in advance that this is so long! I didn’t realize how much I had to say until I typed this bad boy out!
I am really very upset with the situation I backed myself into. My fiance proposed to me just after high school graduation when we’d been dating for 3 whole years at that point. I was over the moon but wanted to wait to get maried after I finished school. I ended up in a 3 year college program and my wedding is September 2014!!!! I should be excited but I feel guilty…
When I was first engaged I turned to my best friend of 8 years and asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor (only having one person up there with me) and she of course said yes. So she went off to University that year as well and will still be in school at the time of our wedding…
Our friendship isn’t what it used to be at all. At first we kept in contact through facebook messages and would talk on a weekly basis but within the first year it died down to a monthly basis. During the first summer she came down for a week and made plans to see me for an hour or two and we were just like best friends again – but that seemed to be the end of it.
I would then message her and she would sometimes not get back to me for months! I would see that she read the message but didn’t reply. I would send her ones weeks later and still no response! She was on facebook every single day! It got to the point where I only knew about what was going on with her through facebook status updates – even if I messaged her about them she’d never get back to me for weeks after reading it.
The second summer was the worst. I found out in late August that she had come back for a week without telling me at all! She had made plans with all of these people and only posted it on facebook AFTER she was back out of town. When I found out I was very hurt and even messaged her about it asking and 3 weeks later she just brushed it off like she completely forgot to tell me… how do you “forget” to tell your best friend you are in town for a week when you haven’t seen them in a year?
The communication has been worse this year. I’ve sent her 3 long messages updating her on myself and asking about how things are going for her… I’ve gotten only 2 single sentence responses back which practically say nothing important at all.
I feel hurt and alone as she was literally my only real friend out there. I think forward to the wedding and I don’t want her as my Maid/Matron of Honor at all and would rather have my younger sister fill in as Maid/Matron of Honor because she can at least talk to me more than once every few months and we both have a general interest in eachothers lives.
I can’t call her to talk to her about this because not only does she not answer phone calls (she hates talking over the phone) but she changed her number without telling me so I’d need to pry yet again to try and get her new number.
I’ve talked to my family and the majority think I should just ignore the topic and send her an invitation to the wedding. They say that she hasn’t been a friend to me at all so shouldn’t expect for the position to still be hers. But others say that I shouldn’t even be considering this and I have an obligation to allow her to be Maid/Matron of Honor even though she isn’t really speaking to me at all.
I know my sister would truly be honoured to be asked to be in my wedding and I don’t want to have this “friend” be in the wedding over her when my sister knows how little she is speaking to me. I don’t know what to do or how to even handle this situation – it was so stupid of me to ask her that far in advance!
Sidenote: Every year I have sent her an online gift certificate for her favourite book store for her birthday – she hasn’t given me a birthday gift in years… let alone a single thank you for my gifts! All I get from her is the standard “Happy Birthday” wall post on my birthday that everyone else gets from her.