(Closed) Asked my bm's to pick dress, not sticking to the few guidelines I set

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
7442 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Are your other bridesmaids rebelling too or is it just this one girl? I went the mismatched route (blush/champagne/cream palette, short, no requirements on fabric) and didn’t have any issues with my girls…except for one who thought she could get away without wearing a bra but definitely couldn’t! (Luckily another Bridesmaid or Best Man reined her in so I didn’t have to deal with that directly lol).

If you only have one person who’s struggling I wouldn’t stress too much. Just tell her you prefer the first dress she got due to the fabric requirements you had provided. Maybe to be nice you could google a few other dress options for her too that would fit your vision so she has some choices?

I think most of my girls definitely appreciated being able to pick their own dress, but I know that one or two of them might have actually preferred being required to just buy a specific dress so they didn’t have to think about it lol or spend time shopping. You can’t please everyone!

Post # 3
275 posts
Helper bee

It may be beneficial to rope in the Maid/Matron of Honor to see if she could make some subtly pointed comments about Rebel Child’s dress nonsense. She’s already got a great dress, I don’t quite understand why she would continue to spend the money on other dresses that don’t fit…

Post # 4
9388 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

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coralmermaid :  Is it too late to pick the a bridesmaid dress brand that they can buy in slightly different styles/shades of purple and call it done?  You’ll have less headaches, they’ll have less headaches..

As for your can you relate question: yes.. I had no bridesmaids, just my Maid/Matron of Honor.  She changed her dress choice every 2 days.  It stressed me out because she’d facetime me to have my opinion and I kept being like “DUDE THE LAST ONE WAS FINE PLEASE JUST TELL ME YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO WEAR THE WEDDING IS IN X WEEKS”.  Then she sent me a text saying “what if I wore blush pink instead?” (we had agreed on grey or gold) and I was like “WTF?  Ok fine, just put something on.” 

She ended up wearing a beautiful grey skirt her mother made with the fourth white top she bought.  It looked great.  

Post # 5
1546 posts
Bumble bee

I can relate! I told my bridesmaids I wanted any kind of purple to purple/red colour and to see if there was anything under £100 that they liked (I was paying for everything for them so on a strict budget). Price and colour were the only restrictions and my bridesmaids said they couldnt find anything they liked (I even sent some examples) and they picked out dresses from bridal stores that cost over £250 each. It was ridiculous. In the end I found a dress I liked and it sent it to them and said I was buying this one and that was the end of it! 

In your situation I would make sure to see both dresses if you can in person and determine how they will look with the other bridesmaids. If the second doesnt go, I would just tell her that you want her to wear the first seeing as she owns it already. 

Post # 7
47430 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Allowing yourself to get this frustrated over one bridesmaid suggesting one dress that doesn’t meet your criteria is going to be very energy draining on you. Just respond with a prepared response “It’s a lovely dress but it’s not ____ or ____. Please find something that meets those criteria. I wanted to give all of you the flexibility to find a dress you like, but I can choose a dress if you prefer.”

Post # 8
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

View original reply
coralmermaid :  oh how i feel you. I really want my theme color to be blush, mauve, champagne and a bit of white. One of my bridesmaid said there’s no way in hell she will wear any of those color. Now i have to change the entire theme of the flower and bridesmaids dresses i am adding dark red into the palette because it’s a color that she likes. My Bridesmaid or Best Man will also do mismatch now and that particular Bridesmaid or Best Man will wear the dark red.

 I think you should tell her what you think. I dont have the gut to speak up because this particular Bridesmaid or Best Man always throws reasons like “i’m miserable lonely fat and now i cant wear the dress i want.” So for me changing the palette is easier than talking to her. Also i kinda dont wanna make her feel bad. Anyway. 

 i’m sure if you talk to her she will come along!

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