Asked to be a BM for wedding 9 months after I go off birth control

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
8007 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Why not? The bride seems to understand the situation and it sounds as if you’d really like to be there. It’s nearly impossible you’d be “several weeks postpartum” and unlikely you’d be pregnant enough to be unable to fly. If the bride really is willing to make adjustments for the possibility of you being pregnant and/or unable to attend and it’s something you want to do then do it! You can’t put your entire life on hold. 

Post # 3
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

I’d agree in that situation. You’ve stated that you can’t guarantee you can make it and her response was perfectly reasonable. If you do get pregnant straight away then you can tell her when you feel comfortable in doing so and it’ll still be months away from the wedding. Good luck TTC!

Post # 4
Member
2996 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

View original reply
keikochan :  be the bridesmaid. I was asked in that exact situation – the wedding was 8 months ago and we are still not pregnant. If you get pregnant right away there’s a chance you won’t be able to make it, but you’ll be able to give her a ton of notice if that happens.

Post # 5
Member
4819 posts
Honey bee

Live your life.  If you are pregnant when the time comes you figure it out.

You can’t put your life in a perpetual standstill and say no to everything because maybe in 9 months you might be *whatever*.  You might also be dead.  You never know.  You do things based on the life you got now and adjust as circumstances change.

Post # 6
Member
1037 posts
Bumble bee

Don’t put things off because you might be pregnant at some date in the future – unfortunately, you might also not be pregnant yet either. Turning down big things because you might be pregnant puts a lot more pressure on TTC and can cause more frustration if you do take longer to conceive. As a PP said, live your life. 

Post # 7
Member
5166 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I would, in all likelihood you won’t get pregnant the first time you have sex so even if you are pregnant particularly immediately after stopping a form of long term birth control.  It sounds like your friend would be pretty accommodating and flexible if your situation changes.  9 months after you stop birth control still gives you a long time to plan, you can leave booking your flights until 6-7 months before the date.   The chances of being several weeks postpartum or 9 months pregnant are pretty slim to none, you could be like 4/5 months pregnant which means you would be absolutely find to travel. 

Post # 8
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

This just happened to me, as the bride, lol.  One of my bridesmaids was in a similar situation and she was just really honest with me about it.  Turns out she DID get pregnant and is due 2 weeks before my wedding, lol.  So we’re not sure if she’ll be able to stand up in the wedding or even really attend, and I just told her we could make it a game time decision.  As long as the bride is aware of the possibility that she might be down a bridesmaid and is ok with that, I think you’re fine.

Post # 9
Member
9422 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
keikochan :  your friend sounds like a chill bride so I think it’s fine. I was in a wedding where one bridesmaid was a week past her due date. We all (including the bride) assumed there was no way in hell she’d make the wedding but she asked her anyways more as a symoblic gesture. 3 hours before the wedding the preggo hadn’t gone into labor and said “screw it I want to be there!” and showed up lol. The bride was THRILLED! She’d even had an extra bouquet made juuuust in case something like this happened. We weren’t in matching dresses anyways so she grabbed a maternity dress she’d had in a close enough color and it was great! The bride and the bridesmaids have all been friends for over 20 years and prioritize being a part of each other’s lives more than parties or pictures. 

Post # 10
Member
3257 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

You should agree to be a bridesmaid. If you have to back out, it would still be a good 7 or 8 months before the wedding. If you end up pregnant, you’ll find out a due date and cancel if you need to. 

Post # 11
Member
320 posts
Helper bee

Do it! Your friend sounds understanding. Unless there are other reasons why you wouldn’t want to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I’d want to deepen friendships like that.

Post # 12
Member
1033 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
keikochan :  the bride seems really flexible and just wants you there. If you have to say “I’m 9 months pregnant and can’t fly” or “I gave birth two weeks ago, I can’t fly.” it sounds like she will totally understand. 

Post # 13
Member
8489 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
keikochan :  What if it was 10 months after, or 11 or 24? You could potentially be pregnant at any of these times. You can’t stop your life because you might be pregnant. If you do get pregnant quickly, you and the bride will both have plenty of time to figure out what you’re going to do.

Post # 14
Member
928 posts
Busy bee

My advice is to continue with your life as usual until you know you are pregnant.  

Post # 15
Member
2561 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
keikochan :  Yes, you already gave her a heads up and if she is willing to “see what happens” and address whenever the time comes, then i would go for it!

 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors