(Closed) Asked to be in family pictures as the girlfriend and not fiance- What to do?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
7890 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It’s sweet that you’re invited to be in the pictures. I would just ignore that comment from the aunt. It sounds very reasonable to be in some pictures and to step aside in others. Who knows, maybe you’ll be the Fiance by the time the picture time rolls around.

Post # 3
Member
13905 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s gracious of her to allow you in some, while having some without you.  As you said, you aren’t family yet, but she’s being nice to include you in some so that someday in the future, when you are family, there are photos with you in them as well, 

Post # 4
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I don’t see why not. If you don’t end up together forever, then it’s their family pictures that you’re in, so who cares? The “officially family” thing is just rude anyway. What if you were commited forever, but didn’t want to get married? You’re still family.

My FI’s brother’s bf is going to be in our family wedding pictures. No big deal.

Post # 5
Member
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

If I were in that situation I probably would not expect to be in the pictures before an engagement. But my husbands family always took me in and treated me like family from early on, so I probably would be invited to be a part of it. I would absolutely understand standing out for some though if I was not engaged yet.  If you were invited to attend then just go and who cares what anyone says. Stand in for some and stand out for some.

Post # 6
Member
2868 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Hmm… that’s a tough call because I can see it from both sides. I would still go though, and rock the heck out of it. Go in smooth, and be completely okay with not being in every photo. Don’t let them see you sweat girl!

Post # 7
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Ugh. I’m sorry, what an awkward situation. Unfortunately your SO is not making things easier by proposing or at the very least saying that he wants you in the photos, instead he leaves it up to his sister(?). I can understand the family’s reasoning for not including you as just a gf however. Formal commitment is very important to many people. 

Post # 9
Member
766 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
waitingintn:  I agree with the others who said it’s very nice of them to include you, and it also makes sense for them to take some with you and some without.  I think it’s the perfect way to handle it.  I would just ask the sister to make people aware and explain that you’ll be in some pictures and not in others so everyone is aware and there are no surprises the day of.

Post # 10
Member
2803 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

First, screw the aunt. It sounds like she is not the one organizing it anyway. Second, I don’t think they would let “just the girlfriend” into the pictures… it might be known to the sister that the proposal is coming 🙂

 

Post # 11
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee

I think they handled it fine.

There is nothing for you to “do”, since these aren’t your family pictures.

Post # 13
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

I went with my then-boyfriend, now-fiance, to his cousin’s wedding.  My Future Father-In-Law practically dragged me into some of the pictures, I felt reeeally uncomfortable being in the pictures since I was “just a girlfriend.”  But if you’re asked to be in pictures, then it’s rude not to.  So what if some aunt makes a comment about it?  It’s the bride and groom’s call, not anyone else’s.  They should get the pictures they want.

Post # 14
Member
2202 posts
Buzzing bee

Maybe your boyfriend should check with his parents?  Honestly, people get divorced too so you aren’t the only one that might not actually be family years down the line.  I would just show up and do what they say, maybe offer to hop out of at least one shot and be easy going about it. 

Post # 15
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

At least they’re including you at all. I was left out of my Future Brother-In-Law and FSIL’s wedding pics even though my fiancé and I had been dating twice as long as them at the time. That didn’t annoy me as much as all the relatives at the wedding asking us when we were getting engaged. Steel yourself for that!

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