(Closed) Asked to be MOH but wanting to try for a family….Help!!

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
12244 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would definitely start trying whenever you want! A lot can change between now and 2015–they could move the date WAY up or WAY back! You never know. So I wouldn’t worry.

One of my BMs was 38weeks pregnant at our wedding! She was admitted to the hospital the next night, and gave birth three days later! But she was a GREAT BM!

Post # 18
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Kitty714:  Absolutely try to be pregnant! There are weddings with pregnant Maid/Matron of Honor or bridemsaids all the time. Since the bride is a friend, she will only be happy for you.

If you are due very close to the wedding day you can step down. But that’s fine, because you’ll be able to give 6 or so months’ notice.

Never delay major life events (and they don’t come any more major than starting a family) for the sake of someone else’s wedding, which is just a single day.

Post # 19
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Kitty714:  Your family comes first. There is no reason you cant try for a family AND be her Maid/Matron of Honor. There will just be a little extra planning involved. But I would not concern her with your TTC– you dont know how easy or hard it will be for you. When it does happen, then you can share the news with her. and if she’s concerned, perhaps someone else can step up. But that’s very unlikely she would be concerned or spiteful? towards to you… you will still be able to perform all your duties!

Post # 20
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

Continue on with your life, and let your friend know that you plan to try to have a child. Be clear about what you would like and she should also be clear with her expectations.

I had asked someone to be a bridesmaid and they responded “only if I’m not pregnant” and she was not using any kind of birth control. I don’t mind if she doesn’t mind, but it sounded to me like she didn’t want to be a bridesmaid and this was an easy out for her. So instead of waiting until 3 months prior to my wedding to see if she will be in the bridal party, I’m just cutting her out now. 

Another person who did accept my request is now pregnant. I don’t mind one bit and she doesn’t either. She is due well before my wedding date but all I ask for is open communication so that I can plan. 

Post # 21
Member
551 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Kitty714:  Obviously, she is your best friend so you should talk to her about it! I’m sure she will understand! I think you should try when you and DH are ready and if you get pregnant, she will be happy for you!

One of my BMs was pregnant and had her baby early, before our wedding. She ended up ordering a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress that was larger and had it taken in the week before our wedding. I told her I would accommodate her in any way possible during the wedding, but she decided to have her husband stay home with the baby so she could enjoy the wedding (her first night away from her baby as a new mom). I communicated with her on a regular basis, reminding her to put her baby first. She was still a great Bridesmaid or Best Man to me and it ended up working out wonderfully.

Post # 22
Member
2240 posts
Buzzing bee

Having a child comes before many things, in my book, and being Maid/Matron of Honor is one of those things. 

Talk to her about your situation and see what she thinks. She most likely won’t want you to put off something that is so important just for her wedding. I think you and your husband should start trying, though. Putting off having a child for a wedding, especially someone else’s wedding, is silly to me. 

Post # 23
Member
3080 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

View original reply
@love108:  I agree. 

Post # 24
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Kitty714:  I would say go for it – if she is a good friend she won’t mind either way if you are pregnant, not pregnant or a new mom she will be happy for you.  One of my bridesmaids was pregnant in my wedding and I was so happy for her. 

Post # 25
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’ll be honest, I would only try to avoid being 7-9 months pregnant. Or maybe avid having a one month old, for your own comfort. So there’s only like 4 to 5 months I would avid trying.

Post # 26
Member
11267 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Kitty714:  does the bride know that you are going to be ttc?  if you are upfront with her and she accepts the fact that you may be preganant for her wedding, i don’t see the big deal.  there are expecting bm all of the time.

just let her know so that if it does happen, she won’t be surprised.

Post # 27
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

View original reply
@OkieHeart:  Tim’s Tent Emporium made me laugh out loud! So funny!

 

As for the OP, if any of the girls I asked to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man or Maid/Matron of Honor shared their news that they were expecting, I would be over the MOON for them! I would leave it up to them if they wanted to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man or a guest– regardless of their choice, I would just want to have them there in any capacity because I love them all so much! While considerate, please don’t plan your future around someone ELSE’s wedding. A wedding is only one day and while you want to honor your friend and make her experience special, you having a family and allowing her to be a part of THAT is important as well!

Post # 28
Member
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I wouldn’t put starting a family on hold for a wedding. That being said, I wouldn’t want to be big and pregnant for an August wedding as that would be miserable, but if she is your true friend she will find a solution IF you were to end up pregnant for her wedding.

Or, if you want, you could approach her and just let her know this could be a possibility and ask what she thinks too. Everyone always says, “oh the bride wouldn’t want a big pregnant lady in her pics” but I think most brides are pretty understanding and ok with this. They look adorable IMO.

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