(Closed) Asked to step out of family photos?

posted 12 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
1476 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Yep, been there! When my ex of five years graduated college, his mom threw him a graduation party. When it came time for pics, they asked me to step out of them. I had dated him for about four years at this point and we lived together. It was really hurtful, especially b/c she treated me like a maid the whole time! I ended up in the kitchen, cooking the apps and refilling the tables! It really sucked. 🙁

Post # 18
Member
24 posts
Newbee

It’s actually funny that you posted this today.  This past weekend, we took family photos for the first time ever.  It was my parent’s children and grandkids.  And in some photos we asked my brother’s wife (my sis in law) who we love totally and dearly to step out.  It is not a snub, it’s because my parents have no pics of just their 3 adult children so we wanted some with just us.  She was included in the overall group shots with the grandkids.  I would hope she wasn’t offended by this. 

Post # 19
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2022

omg that happend to me after 7 years, and his mom kicked me out! but not her boyfriend. btw fi and I had lived together and dated longer. the pic is framed in the hall now and I walk past it everytime we are at his moms. and it makes me mad, everytime.

Post # 20
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have been kicked out of pictures before by my fiance’s grandma. The first time we have been together for about 3 years, it was a family reunion, his mom had me come get in the picture next to her, my fiance, and his brother, they took one picture then the grandma stood up and told me I wasnt allowed to be in the picture and they had to retake that one. Yeah it hurt since his mom was the one that made me get in it. Last year at his cousins wedding, about a month before we got engaged (at this time it had been about 7 years of dating), his cousin (the bride) wanted me to be in the family picture but she said I couldnt be because I wasnt family, but this one hurt alot more, because the grandma called his other cousins boyfriend over to be in the picture- they had been together about 6 months at the time. But the grandma said he was going to be family one day so it was ok. Then last week at Christmas, his whole family got togeter, which they NEVER do, so there was again a family picture, I did not want to be in it all after the last couple times. But his aunt really wanted me to be, everyone could tell the grandma was about to say something, but the aunt spoke up first and was like come-on you know you’ve been apart of this family for almost 8 years now. Meanwhile, he has been in every single family picture my family takes and he has been on my moms christmas card for the past like 5 years.

Post # 22
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i remember at my paternal grandparents’ 50th anniversary, my mom was pissed because she was excluded from some of the family photos–this was after my parents had been married for about 25 years. ridiculous! some people just have a really exclusive view of family–by blood, by marriage, etc. i’m sorry you had to go through it, esp since his sister pulled you into the pic….

Post # 23
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee

I understand that it’s hurtful, but we do this in my family with bfs/gfs.  Once people are engaged, they get in the pictures.  You just never know what can happen to a relationship and imagine how awkward it would be to have someone’s ex in our family photo.  So my family has decided to draw the line at FIs, and everyone understands that now.  I remember the first time it happened, there was a little tiff, but then word got around and everyone knows now.  I know it’s hard, but try not to take it personally if it’s just a rule the family has.

Post # 24
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Like the other Bees have said, don’t feel too bad about it.  You’ll have plenty opportunities to be included in family photos when you’re married!  My ex-boyfriend’s sister and her husband asked my brother (weird, but we were all pretty close) to be in their wedding.  We broke up about a year later, and I know that to this day, they have a shot of the wedding party int heir house…. and my brother is in it.  And we haven’t spoken to my ex-boyfriends family in YEARS.  Awkward. 

Post # 25
Member
530 posts
Busy bee

I’m sorry this happened.  I guess the worst part was that you were dragged over to the grandkids area, so I’d be hurt too.  I doubt you would have gone over there on your own!

Post # 26
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

that is hurtful, especially since you were extended the invitation to be in the photo and then were asked to move. it’s a weird thing. i am actually on the other side where i have been in family photos and the annual family calendar for at least the last 2 years and i feel guilty since we’re not engaged yet (and lord knows when/if it will happen). but i think older generations of people feel that family is literally by blood or by marriage so anyone in the grey area doesn’t “count,” and sadly one has to respect that.

Post # 27
Member
1174 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

It was rather unkind but a reasonable request. Family reunion photos are meant to document family – which you are not (yet). I avoided the awkwardness by removing myself from all family photos pre-engagement. Sometimes the family invited me in, which was nice, but if not that was fine too.

Post # 28
Member
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

This is pretty common (as the other bees have told you) I have even been left out of pictures in my Fiance family recently (xmas) but the family is a bit weird so I just chalk it up to that! Don’t fret about it!

Post # 29
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee

Yes, that was sort of rude especailly since his aunt ask and not his parents. I would be hurt but like others have said, do not worry about it. Some familes are just like that….Also, talk to your BF about it and see what he thinks.

Post # 30
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m sorry this happened to you, and yeah, you have been together a long time & I think it is weird that it was an aunt that kicked you out of the picture.  However, I have been on the other side of the situation.  I had been with an ex-bf for 2 1/2 years when my youngest sister got married, we had been going back and forth on marriage, so I requested he not be in any photos.  A couple of months later, we had worked things out (I thought) so when my other sister got married, he was in a lot of the pictures.  Six months down the road, he was out of the picture and my sister had some pictures redone to get rid of him.  Granted, wedding more formal than a family get together, but my family also has tons of pictures with a bf one of my sister’s dated for over 7 years before they parted ways- no one wants to throw them away, but they don’t come out often either.  Try to put it aside and know that there will be plenty of pictures with you in them in the future!

Post # 31
Member
1524 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I understand where the aunt was coming from, but think that she could’ve been a lot more sensitive in making her request.

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