(Closed) Asked to step out of family photos?

posted 12 years ago in Emotional
Post # 61
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

What about divorces and separations? Just because you are married does not mean you are more ‘together’ than you were before…….I really don’t think that you have to be married to be ‘in the family’

Post # 62
Member
3993 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I can see why you’re hurt. I guess we all just have to realize that different families have different “lines” drawn. In my family, like some of PPs, we are not exclusive at all. My Fiance (bf at the time) was included in family Christmas pictures (for the card) for our 3rd Christmas together. Before then, he wasn’t. Also – my brother’s best friend and our foreign exchange student were in this one as well. 🙂 So, the line is a bit blurred.

In his family, I never expected to be included until we were engaged. They are a much smaller family (just Fiance and his brother, “kid” wise), whereas mine is me, my 2 brothers, my sister (adopted), my two step-sisters, my step-brother, and their SO’s.

Question: Is this normal for them? Are they somewhat inclusive or exclusive when it comes to their definition of “family?”

Edit: And I agree w Peaches ^ but it does depend on how the family sees it, not just you or even your FI/BF sometimes.

Post # 63
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

i would be SOO offended. uck. if you’re not at least ‘like family’ then why are you even invited to the reunion in the first place? and so weird for a random aunt to call you out. I also agree, after 5 years, I don’t see much difference between that and a marriage. my Fiance was married before and it only lasted 6 years. anyway– I think all the people saying ‘oh I wouldn’t mind’ are either saints, or maybe kind of full of it. i know for SURE i would mind!!

Post # 64
Member
1557 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yup, this happens to me constantly. We have been together for 6.5 years, engaged for 3+, and have a child together (are also legally common-law), and I still get the boot from pretty well all of his sides “family” photos –even though they want our son to be included.

It bothered me at first until one of the other women who married into the family told me that they still exclude her & they have been married for 10+ years. I guess my partners family are just elitists!

 

Post # 65
Member
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@hellorebecca: no really, some people just don’t care about stuff like that. I didn’t-and I am no saint!

Post # 66
Member
3605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

true story, my friend dumped life long friends from her bridal party so she could have her 3 future sister in laws (wives of her FI’s 3 brothers) instead because she wanted the picture family perfect moment.   good idea i guess but one of the brothers and his wife’s marriage was dying and they split up 2 weeks after the wedding, they were only faking being together until the wedding was over

now she has hundreds of photos with a woman she has zero contact with and hardly knew and the brother has since remarried so i can understand why some famiies want family only pics – still sucks to be excluded so hopefully they will take both family and family plus partner photos

 

Post # 67
Member
414 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I understand that must have hurt, and I would be embarrassed too, if it were me.  BUT, I understand why they did that.  Sometimes people mean a specific thing when they say “family”, and you just aren’t that thing.  Think about it – if you wanted a pic with you and your sisters, for example, how thrilled would you be about your sister-in-law jumping in?  Not really the same scene anymore, is it?  It sucks, but it’s not really all that bad. 

One day you’ll be asking your son’s girlfriend to get out of pictures too.  And don’t say you won’t, because it WILL happen.  Trust me.  My mother was always very careful to allow boyfriends and girlfriends to be in the annual family Christmas photo to avoid upsetting anyone, and a bunch of years were – yes, like it or not – “ruined” by having people who are no longer around in the only family portrait for that year.  That’s why last year, she asked my fiance (who was not at the time of the photo my fiance yet) to gtfo.  He was just as pissed and embarrassed as you are, I’m sure, but I’m also sure he understood on some level.  One day he’ll do it too, and so will you.

Post # 68
Member
264 posts
Helper bee

But married people cheat, divorce, break hearts etc too! Why if you have decided to never get married? Or unmatched but with kids and waiting for the ring?

Dang, imagine that last one and your kids were invited in and you weren’t cos you don’t have a “commitment”…

I think missmouse29 that I read your mind before your post!

Post # 69
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

To be honest, I think it is completely ok to ask people to step out of the picture, even if they are married!  My uncle went through a nasty divorce, to the point where he doesn’t even like to see pictures of his ex-wife.  So we have no family pictures from before their divorce out at my grandparent’s house; even this great picture we have of the whole family from the week before my grandma died has been taken down.  My mom really wishes that they had made a point to take more pictures with just the blood relatives, because you never know what will happen.  (this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be in any of the pictures, but I think you should take a balance of ones with just blood and ones with significant others)

Post # 70
Member
1351 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

She should have handled the situation more tactfully but I get why she did it.

My family has plenty of wedding pics with ex gf/bf’s in them, I know that I don’t want to have the same in my wedding photos.

Like a PP said, some of our last “full” family photos- with grandparents and aunt/uncle who have since passed away include one of my cousin’s ex gf’s.

 

Post # 71
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think it’s fine to have some pics with and some pics without in-laws/sig others/fiance(e)s/gf/bf/partners/etc/etc/etc but I think the point of that was that at least they were included in some of the pics… 

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