(Closed) Asked to throw bridal shower- don't know bride

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I agree with all the replies here. Don’t do it. A shower should be something that is organized and thrown by somebody who wants to do it and is able to do it, not forced into doing it.

Its also not fair that you are stuck paying all the bills and cleaning up afterwards because the BM’s get to attend their plans and you have to cancel your plans, without any help.

Sounds to me no one was able to throw a shower (for financial reasons, or whatever) and she really wanted one

Decline again and congratulate her on her upcoming nuptuals.

good luck

Post # 17
Member
460 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
loneranger13:  Wow! That level of rudeness is amazing. Like pps have suggested, i think best way to handle people like her is a firm “no”… no further explanation, because she’ll just use that as an invitation to bend your arm and say “but can’t you take off work for me” (if you said you’d have to work)… “doesn’t have to expensive” (if you told her you were broke)… 

Post # 18
Member
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

so, so, so, so rude. wow i can’t believe she would message you for that!

Post # 19
Member
6607 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Tell her that you charge $125/hour for your services, including hourly charGes for planning, and that you need a $500 cash allowance for the food.

Post # 20
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

And to think I was worried that some of my less close friends would find my shower invitation to be a burden. Wow!

Has she already invited people? And does that mean she already has a location for it? So many questions…

Post # 21
Member
565 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

This is one of the rudest things I think I’ve ever read on this site. Tell her no again and I really don’t think you need to be nice about it either. 

Another option: because you’re not invited to anything for all intents and purposes she’s basically asking to “hire” you so charge her. She wants a planner? No prob Bob, just pay the fee! 

I’m still super shocked though, you might even explain to her how rude she was to ask and to ask you to pay for ANYTHING on top of it. Jeez!

Post # 22
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

She sounds cray cray!!!

“I can’t even twll if you are being serious right now, but just to clarify:

We have met twice, neither of these were pleasant occasions. 

I am not invited to your wedding.

You want me to throw you a bridal shower.

You want me to drop all prior engagements to host said shower.

You want me to source and pay for all the activities, decorations AND consumables at said shower.

And you want me to be available for two whole, precious hours either side of said shower,  to set up and clear down by myself?!

I just wanted to clarify as to any sane person that sounds ridiculous. 

P.s. I already said NO!”

Maybe she’s the type of girl that needs things spelling out!!

Post # 23
Member
3949 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I would have your mom follow up with the Grooms mother just to make sure there is NO doubt that this is not happening.  It will give the  grooms Mom time to get an aunt or someone more appropriate to hold the shower.  This is so not an age thing either, she’s just flat the eff out rude. 

Post # 24
Member
1334 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

That is absolutely ridiculous. I would just explain to her that a bridal shower is supposed to be thrown by bridesmaids/close family and you are neither. If she wants one she should throw one that is in her budget. 

Yikes. The nerve. 

Post # 25
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Wow, what a peach!   

Post # 26
Member
6607 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
HisIrishPrincess:  no, don’t involve the bride’s mom. This bride is clearly used to other people cleaning up her messes. Otherwise she wouldn’t be pressuring an almost-complete stranger to host this shower. She’s old enough to get married. She should be old enough to figure out how to make this shower work without having mommy step in and rescue her.

Post # 27
Member
1429 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m waiting for OP to update and say crazy girl asked OP’s mom to host it…. And that she said sure bc she felt bad.

Post # 28
Member
73 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
ilovebacon:  +10000000000000000000000000

OMG, she cannot be serious! How could she even think it was remotely OK to ask you to plan this but also pay for it knowing that 1) you guys arent close 2) you arent even invited to her wedding! I am in total shock right now. You were nice the first time, you have no reason to be nice a second time if she isnt getting the message. 

If the reason she asked you was because your a PRO… she should pay you to do the service as a coordinator, not expect you to do it as she is “entitled” to have someone pay for it other than her actual bridesmaids…..wow the nerve of some people.

  • This reply was modified 7 years, 7 months ago by Ms_Bombay.
Post # 29
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

The easiest reply is probably just “No, sorry.” and leave it at that.

But if I were you I would probably just be so morbidly curious about what else this insane person might say to me, that I might goad her on.  Like: “Just to clarify, you are asking to hire me as a party planner and would pay for my services right?  My services are $50/hr plus costs.  Because it is such short notice and I will have to cancel plans, there will be an extra $100 fee on top of that.  I can send some references if you would like, just let me know.  Thanks!”  

Hopefully that will make clear to her how insane her request is.  Although given that she was tacky enough to send that request in the first place maybe it will just prompt her to reply with some more craziness, which would be entertaining.  (Please post here if she does 🙂

Post # 30
Member
934 posts
Busy bee

Wow. This is pretty unreal. So she wants you to throw her a shower and PAY for it but you aren’t even invited to the wedding? Yeah stick with the “I’m sorry I can’t help you but have a beautiful wedding!”

OP you need to update us on this one!

The topic ‘Asked to throw bridal shower- don't know bride’ is closed to new replies.

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