Post # 1
Hey bees, so some of you saw my post where I asked if I could ask the guy I’d been seeing for 6 months if we were official, since we went through all the motions, he wrote me that card, etc. I asked last night and I think it got confirmed? But I’m unsure. Here’s the script:
Me: If someone asked you what we were, what would you say?
Him: (caught off guard) I would say that we’ve been dating for a while and are only seeing each other (etc)
Me: When I ran into _______ (student of mine we ran into), she asked if you were my boyfriend. I said yes, but i realized we never talked about it.
Him: I mean, I kind of didn’t think we needed to. I’m just very go with the flow. We were going through all the motions and I’m not good with bringing that stuff up but it seemed like that’s what it was/what we were doing.
The conversation kind of ended there, but I can’t tell if he confirmed the boyfriend part…Thoughts?
I should add he’s pretty inexperienced dating wise.
Post # 2
I think that was him slightly awkwardly agreeing that you are exclusively dating and you are in a relationship and though to was obvious that it was unnecessary to bring up..
Post # 3
I have no idea what he meant, and I can see why you don’t have any idea either: You need to be direct. Why ask him what he’d say to OTHERS were THEY to ask what you two “are”? You yourself really need to ask him if he considers you his girlfriend/if you’re exclusive. No need to beat around the bush. When I read what you asked him, I immediately thought you were a teenager, but then you said you have a student? So that suggests you’re older? Older people don’t act this way; they have honest, direct conversations, regardless of how nerve-wracking it may be.
Post # 4
It seemed like when he said that is what we was/were doing is pretty much a confirmation.
Although, it sounds like you may both be inexperienced. In future conversations with him, it sounds like you need to be direct. Ask point blank. Otherwise you will be back to dissect another conversation. Not good. Communication is paramount for a successful relationship.
Good luck! I hope this is your person.
Post # 5
It sounds to me like he just felt backed into a corner and kind of half way agreed to whatever you were saying to satisfy you enough that it wouldn’t turn into a more serious conversation/argument.
Sorry bee, but this guy is lukewarm about you at best. He’s acknowledged that you will now be using the term “boyfriend” but I see no indication from him that he’ll be advertising to anyone that you are now his “girlfriend”. A guy with a brand new girlfriend he’s crazy about will make it clear to you and everyone else that you are very taken.
I know that every relationship is different but it feels worth mentioning..after the first few weeks of dating my now fiance, he looked me in the eyes and asked me point blank, “Will you be my girlfriend?” I said yes and we proceeded to make out like love drunk fools. I’ve dated a lot of people and seen every end of the boyfriend spectrum. When they are serious about you, you won’t have to wonder.
Post # 6
It sounds like he is on the same page…he just assumed you were together but didn’t feel the need to bring it up. I would ask him more directly though so there is no doubt.
Post # 7
…frankly, it doesn’t sound like you really asked. It sounds like neither of you is even ready to discuss this like adults.
Post # 8
From your previous threads I guess you are 25? After six months together I would have thought it would be obvious he is your boyfriend unless you only see each other occassionally or casually? I can’t see your previous thread where you mention the card.
Post # 9
It sounded like he said contradictory things…first, that you are “just” seeing each other (which I would interpret as non exclusively dating) but then he seemed to agree with you that he was your boyfriend. I don’t blame you for your confusion.
Post # 10
Umm…I would push for a more direct, stable answer. If he can’t actually say “yeah of course you’re my girlfriend, we’ve been together six months!” then some kind of convesation needs to happen, assuming that’s what you want.
I don’t feel good about the “we’ve been dating for a while and are only seeing each other” bit.
Post # 11
jayrock : I don’t feel good about the “we’ve been dating for a while and are only seeing each other”bit.
I took that to mean he thinks they’re exclusively seeing each other as opposed to “merely seeing each other.” But I could be wrong. Agree that it warrants another discussion so there is no ambiguity!
Post # 12
it sounds like he’s pussy footing around the subject and title, why?
When I asked my current fi at the beginning of our relationship if he wanted to be exclusive, he was elated to call me his Girlfriend and very excited.
‘im not good with these things’ is a cop out or in my interpretation him saying, ‘im a shitty communicator’.
Post # 14
tiffanybruiser : oh hmm you’re right didn’t think of it that way…well it’s hard to know without actually being there for the conversation, so yes OP ask for clarification!!
Post # 15
The way I’m reading it is he already assumed you were an exclusive couple and was surprised by the question. I don’t think you have anything to worry about. A good rule of thumb in life is to be honest and treat people the way you want them to treat you. Tell him how you feel about him, that you aren’t seeing anyone else, don’t want to, and that you consider him your boyfriend.