(Closed) Asking a BM to step down… email wording

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Personally, I don’t think this should be an email – that leaves too much room for misinterpretation. I think you should try talking to her in person or, at the very least, over the phone, and go back to talking about the dress drama you’ve been having. If she brings up standing down as a bridesmaid or drops hints that she doesn’t want to be in the wedding, then I think you’ve got grounds to suggest to her that “It sounds like this wedding is causing a lot of stress for you at the moment, perhaps you would be more comfortable just attending as a guest.”

Post # 6
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It sounds like you picked the dress to get her out of your party due to other problems she’s causing? Or did you know she isn’t comfortable in fitted skirts before her email?

If you really want her in the party you could compromise on color. But if you like the color more than you like the idea of her in your bridal party you don’t have to tippy toe around the issue that much. You are likely to lose her as a friend either way.

Post # 7
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Well, what’s done is done.  Good luck.

I recently had to drop a bridesmaid and pretty much the friendship as well because she never really wanted to be in the wedding to begin with and was coming up with all sorts of excuses for her not to be in the wedding.  It hurts a lot more than you can anticipate.

If she still dithers when she replys, you can always say, “Look, my wedding is not an imposition on you, but I need to order the dresses soon so there is enough time for alterations.  If you can’t give me your measurements by X date, then you are telling me that you cannot participate in my wedding party.”

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