Post # 1
Continuation from this post…
Debridesmaiding… how to do it?
Summary: Obviously there is a really long back story here, but this is the latest development. Bridesmaid or Best Man hates Bridesmaid or Best Man dress. When I asked her her size, she said something like “actually, in store X I’m an 8 and in store Y I’m an 18”, followed by “it also depends on the cut what I’m wearing. If I’m wearing a tightly fitted dress, I’m bigger, which is why I don’t wear fitted skirts” (BM dress has a fitted skirt). She finished this with “honestly, I know I’m being a bit difficult. I can step down if you want.” Translation: I hate that dress and I’m not wearing it. You should have found someting better (ladies, I’ve tried for almost a year to get something in that colour with a full skirt that didn’t cost the earth in order to please her. It doesn’t exist).
Suggestions for email wording please! I want her to step down by herself and feel positive and relieved about her decision rather than giving her the boot.
Post # 3
Personally, I don’t think this should be an email – that leaves too much room for misinterpretation. I think you should try talking to her in person or, at the very least, over the phone, and go back to talking about the dress drama you’ve been having. If she brings up standing down as a bridesmaid or drops hints that she doesn’t want to be in the wedding, then I think you’ve got grounds to suggest to her that “It sounds like this wedding is causing a lot of stress for you at the moment, perhaps you would be more comfortable just attending as a guest.”
Post # 4
@LadyElva: Issue: I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have a phone right now. It got disconnected and she lives on the other side of the country. I know in an ideal world that this shouldn’t really be an email either, but I’m kinda low on options here…
Post # 5
Message sent. Wording as follows (obviously this isn’t the actual message, just a summary): hello, got your last message, got me thinking, happy to support you but suspect you’re having 2nd thoughts, won’t be cross if you can’t do this, obviously stuff going on in your life right now, all I ask is that you tell me what you want before I order these dresses. Fair enough, I think.
Post # 6
It sounds like you picked the dress to get her out of your party due to other problems she’s causing? Or did you know she isn’t comfortable in fitted skirts before her email?
If you really want her in the party you could compromise on color. But if you like the color more than you like the idea of her in your bridal party you don’t have to tippy toe around the issue that much. You are likely to lose her as a friend either way.
Post # 7
Well, what’s done is done. Good luck.
I recently had to drop a bridesmaid and pretty much the friendship as well because she never really wanted to be in the wedding to begin with and was coming up with all sorts of excuses for her not to be in the wedding. It hurts a lot more than you can anticipate.
If she still dithers when she replys, you can always say, “Look, my wedding is not an imposition on you, but I need to order the dresses soon so there is enough time for alterations. If you can’t give me your measurements by X date, then you are telling me that you cannot participate in my wedding party.”