(Closed) Asking a bridesmaid who lives out of state

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’d tell her exactly what you wrote here, that you’d love to have her in the wedding, but you completely understand if the cost is too much and you won’t be upset.  I asked a bridesmaid who lives across the country, and she had to look at her finances, but ultimately she said yes.  Since your wedding is over a year away, she should be able to budget to pay for your wedding.

Post # 4
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think you should ask her and tell her exactly what you told us.  Tell her that you understand it would be expensive for her because she’s out of state and offer your spare room and ensure she has a ride when she’s there.  If you have the money in your budget offer to help pay for some stuff (hair/makeup/maybe shoes/or dress if you can swing it).  Just make sure she knows that you understand why she’d say no so she doesn’t feel bad.  I’m sure she’d be honored you asked her.  Also, tell her you don’t really expect her to meet for bridal showers, etc all that jazz.  I don’t think she’d be able to do everything she already has to do and help with those things.  It’d get too expensive

Post # 6
Member
2711 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’d just ask her.  However, I wouldn’t say anything about understanding if she can’t afford it.  I’d worry that it’d give the impression that you really didn’t want her in the Wedding Party and was asking out of some sort of obligation.  Plus money is a sticky subject and I’d also worry about insulting her by thinking she didn’t have enough or couldnt’ save enough to come.  She’s an adult and I’m sure she’ll tell you if she didn’t think she could afford it.

Post # 8
Member
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

Exactly what you said here.

One of my girls came from abroad for the wedding.  I bought her dress as a gift for her (and also the dresses for her two little girls, the flower girls) since she had to pay for overseas plane tickets, a passport, EVERYTHING.  I just asked her to keep quiet about it with the other ladies.

…She also had no idea what a bridesmaid was before I asked her, so she had no clue that she traditionally should have bought the dress.  That definitely played into my decision.  But you get the idea.

Post # 9
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@copewedding:  oh yeah you should be a-okay with a casual wedding!  I think she should be able to swing a nice sundress =) I’d just go for it and ask her.  My Maid/Matron of Honor lives in RI and I’m in VA.  I told her that her main duty was to show up =) and she’s actually come and visited to help with stuff.  All her idea because I felt bad about her having to travel once lol.  I told her not to worry about planning parties and such and she’s still trying to be involved.  <3  She’s the best

Post # 10
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@RunsWithBears:  100% this. Don’t say anything about money, because insinuating it could be too expensive for hr might make her feel like crap. All she needs to do is buy the dress (be sure to ask about budget beforehand and don’t go above the lowest number) and get herself there in time to smile for the camera!

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