(Closed) Asking a friend to be WITH the bridesmaids?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
1241 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I think it’s perfectly fine to ask her, if she has time, to come to the wedding early and be there with you while you’re getting ready. It’s not asking too much of her. If she can’t be there early I’m sure she’ll have no problem polietly declining again- no big deal.

Post # 18
Member
1908 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
jujubea:   You wanted her as a birdesmaid and she chose to say she was not able to be one. HOWEVER, she has extended the welcome for help. I wouldn’t give her too much but a few tasks to have her included, sure. She sounds like a wonderful friend!

As for having her in the Bridesmaid or Best Man room, why not! This is YOUR wedding. She is a close friend, who you wanted as a bridesmaid. Offer it to her, she would only decline if she would feel out of place. Is she attending the wedding alone? If she is attending the wedding with her husband and/or children, then she may not be able to be in the bridesmaid room. I think she would be honest with you and happy that you even asked.

Even if she does decline to be in the room. I would still give her the bag as a gift. You said she has been your rock through the planning. A thank you bag would be nice, include a card thanking her for all her support over the years.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  BrideK2Wings.
  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  BrideK2Wings.
Post # 19
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Squaw Valley

View original reply
jujubea:  I have been a “non-bridesmaid, close friend, invited to be a part of the wedding morning/girls getting ready” for two of my good friends weddings.  Both times I was honored and glad to be a part of the day.  (I was also asked to do a reading in both of these weddings, so not sure if that makes a difference.)  I’d say if you want this person there, ask her!  Just because she’s not a bridesmaid doesn’t mean she has to stay away and be grouped in with the “guest” section.

Post # 22
Member
271 posts
Helper bee

Yeah that would bother me to high heaven. The whole part about not being direct and giving ambiguous answers to the question of being a bridesmaid.

Post # 23
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
jujubea:  I would say to not give her tasks or have her in the room because that may feel uncool to the other bridesmaids, who did pony up for the dress and all the rest of it. I think her response wanted to let you know she cares and wants to be helpful, but probably at this phase in her life that extra $300 she would spend on Bridesmaid or Best Man stuff is better used for her family… I think there is an age where people aren’t really interested in that anymore. She was very graceful about bowing out, and almost too graceful that you were a bit confused what she meant… but out of appreciaton for your real brisesmaids, the most I would do is have her hand out programs, or something like that. I wouldn’t invite her into the bridal suite or have her at the BMs luncheon. Just enjoy her at the wedding! Tell the photog you want a photo with your good friend to make sure you’re getting that special friend in the photos. 

Post # 25
Member
4891 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
jujubea:  You could have her as a Personal Attendent. This way, she’s still very involved in your day in a way that it sounds like she wants to be.

I do think you shoudl have clarifed right away. Since your wedding is at the end of the month, she probably knows that she’s not a Bridesmaid or Best Man but may think that she can still be involved.

Post # 26
Member
766 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
vintagekitten: on the other hand, the bridesmaids are getting all the public recognition, while this friend is not…so it goes both ways. 

View original reply
jujubea:  you know your friends best, but I wouldn’t worry about the other bridesmaids getting upset about her being in the room.

Post # 27
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Versailles Banquets (Northwest Suburbs of Chicago)

View original reply
jujubea:  How do you not clarify if she is a Bridesmaid or Best Man or not?  It seems to a be a ‘Yes or No’ question with no room left for any gray area.  You have now created this odd situation for yourself a month before your wedding.  If you are so close, was she not at your shower?  Have you not discussed anything with her since that initial conversation?   Most people say what you keep qouting to a Bride, becayse they see it as ‘right thing to do’, but I don’t know that many people that would actually act on it.  If you are as close with her as you say, why don’t you just talk to her about it all.

Post # 28
Member
1908 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
jujubea:  This is probably regional. I’ve been a Bridesmaid or Best Man for 14 weddings and never heard of a Bridesmaid or Best Man luncheon either.

Post # 29
Member
1908 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
avchicago3:  She HAS talked with her friend and it is clear she does not want to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, this is stated in the follow up postings. 

Post # 30
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

View original reply
jujubea:  “I got your back. I’ve done it all, and am thrilled to be a part of your team, whatever you want to call me.”Kinda sounds like she thinks she’s a bridesmaid.

Also “When I asked if she’d be a bridesmaid, she said “She’d love to help out in any way possible!” but never directly said “Yes” although she did say “if that includes being a bridesmaid” then OK.” This seems pretty clear to me, you asked her to be a bridesmaid & she accepted.

That being said if you’re not considering her to be a bridesmaid you need to talk to her. And if she is attending (but is not a bridesmaid) then she’s a guest & you cannot give a guest tasks to do. 

The topic ‘Asking a friend to be WITH the bridesmaids?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors