(Closed) Asking a friend to officiate: How would you do it?

posted 7 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
1767 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I’ve been wondering the exact same thing… I was actually just going to post a thread about this.

Has anyone done this before? And how did they take it? We’re thinking about having my best friend (the person who introduced us) officiate, and I don’t want her to feel any pressure to do it if she doesn’t want to.

Post # 4
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

We just asked, letting our friend know that we would do all of the ceremony drafting and that it was cool for him to add in something if he wants to. The only question he asked was our guest count. When we told him how small it was, he was cool. And the very next day he sent us a link to this awesome online church when he can be ordained for free. WIN! So yeah, we took that as an enthusiastic response. 🙂

Post # 5
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

We did this, and you basically just ask them how they feel about it. Normally people are VERY honored. Most places you can just register online, but I would check with your local recorders office. In Napa, online ordaination doesn’t count. The person who is officiating the wedding has to go down to the recorder’s office and pay a fee/fill out a day-of form.

Also, like @lovekiss mentioned, offer to write the ceremony and vows. That will help ease the pressure.

Post # 6
1425 posts
Bumble bee

We decided to ask one of FI’s good friends to officiate for us. Unfortunately, I don’t know what the details were because Fiance asked him without me present, but because of their friendship it was probably pretty casual – think he pretty much just out right asked him, while saying there’s no pressure at all. I doubt he was expecting it, but he’s very excited, as are we!

Where abouts do you live? Here in Canada you can actually apply through Statistics Canada to officiate for one wedding/one couple. Just fill it out with the person who’s to officiate demographics along with the couple’s, where and when the wedding is to be, and signatures. It takes a few weeks to be processed (we sent it out a few weeks go in case problem’s arise on their end) and apparently they’ll send out everything the to-be officiator needs for the ceremony.

So, maybe you can find out in advance if there’s anything similar to that? I’m not sure what the steps are to become a JOP, but this seemed easiest for all of us.

So when it comes down to asking, it depends on your relationship to the person. If you stress that there’s no pressure, show them the info/options you’ve found, it should turn out for the best. God forbid you ask them, they say yes, then back-out later…


Post # 7
1767 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Thanks ladies!

Oh, I actually have something to add. I was originally going to ask another friend who is an excellent public speaker. I started talking about another wedding I had been in a few weeks ago and how it was officiated by a friend of the family who was a woman. She, coming from a really religious Catholic family, thought it was really weird to have anyone who wasn’t offiliated with the church run the ceremony, and she was especially weirded out that it was a woman. I decided not to put her in an awkward situation by asking, since I don’t want her to struggle with that request against her own culture.

We decided to ask another friend, who actually introduced us, and is extremely supportive of unconventional… well, everything lol.

So, I’d suggest getting a feel for how they think about it before asking.

Post # 9
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

We’re lucky enough to be friends with one of the pastors at our church. We were just gonna pull him aside one day closer to our VR and tell him we’d be honored if he could ‘marry’ us.

Post # 10
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

We asked a friend of ours to officiate – we had him over for drinks one evening last year and asked him after a couple of beers. Actually – I think Fiance showed him a website for becoming a Jedi minister (joke) and then we asked him. He was really surprised, but super excited and said yes!

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