(Closed) Asking a friend to officiate…?

posted 6 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
1925 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My two really good friends just got married and had another one of our friends officiate the wedding.  She had never officiated before, but was really close to the couple (both individually and as a couple).  She wrote the most beautiful ceremony that was so personal and touching.  Seriously, not a single dry eye in the entire place.  It was so special.  I HIGHLY recommend it!

Post # 4
23607 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

We did this, and actually had one of our best friends double as an officiant and a groomsman.  Since his father is a pastor, his family was not cool with him actually getting ordained, so we were excited when we found the “deputy for a day” program that California has – he doesn’t get “ordained” through a church, but rather through the county and therefore had the right to legally marry us.  He did a beautiful job, and people all thought it was so personal and beautiful!

We didn’t end up paying him anything, but got him an extra little gift on top of his groomsman’s gift.  Hope this helps!

Post # 5
169 posts
Blushing bee

@twoblackcats:  My sister did this. Although, I have to say, since her friend didn’t have experience, sometimes her voice didn’t project very well and she seemed somewhat nervous. So, you might want to give your friend the opportunity to practice (take him by your venue? practice using the microphones there?).

If it turns out that your friend is not comfortable or you want to go a different route, you could consider a Unitarian Universalist officiant. We UUs are super-inclusive (respect for ALL people is pretty much our main guiding philosophy) – all UU congregations are LGBT-safe spaces. We’re welcoming of all faiths/beliefs or lack thereof. (I’m an atheist, and a UU!)

Post # 6
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Can I throw out another side of the story…

We asked our mutual friend to marry us as soon as we got engaged. We were thrilled by the thought and he was completely honored. But, as time passed, our relationship changed because of some drama on part of his now wife. Now we are dealing with asking this friend to step down and it’s horrible. We also need to reconsider asking a different friend so we dont hurt this other friend’s feelings. 

I think having a friend marry you is so beautiful and special. I’ve seen it done a couple times and each time, it worked out well with the right person and the helm. But I would suggest waiting until 4 or 5 months to pick the friend to make sure the relationship is still on track. 

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