(Closed) Asking a guest to help – Tacky??

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1645 posts
Bumble bee

It’s a relative! By all means ask. I would give a gift in exchange for the help.

Post # 4
7295 posts
Busy Beekeeper

if its a relative, i dont think its a problem either.  i am having a super small wedding – 15 guests. i was thinking to asking my really close guy friend to hand out programs at the ceremony on the beach.  i am afraid to leave them on the chairs and they will blow away in the wind! …. i guess i could ask him to be an usher?

Post # 5
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I wouldn’t care to ask a relative to help, I’m sure they would be willing.

Post # 6
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I have helped at the last few family weddings I have been too and was thrilled to be asked .  Go ahead and ask.

Post # 7
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’ve helped with other weddings in my family (mainly set-up and take-down) and I will be for sure asking for help for my wedding from them!  The important thing is to pick the right person to be in charge (for set-up) and make sure that they understand exactly how you would like things to look!

Post # 8
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Ask!  My mom and aunt decorated the arbor and aisle for my wedding.  My uncle filmed during the day for us.  (My mom’s cousin almost did my hair — I wish she had; it probably would have looked even better and would have saved me some $$$).  I think they all actually really liked to be included — it makes for a festive, community atmosphere. 

But, when you do ask people to help, be sure to give good, clear (written) instructions (or even pictures of how you want the tables set up).  It actually makes the job much easier to them (and — bonus for you — they won’t be bothering you with questions!).  And a nice bottle of wine and a heart-felt thank you note doesn’t hurt, either. 

Post # 9
46606 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I have never minded being asked to do something to help out. That’s what friends and family are for.

Post # 10
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I had family members offer to help the day of, and I took them up on that. I’m sure they’d be happy to help you out on your wedding day!

Post # 11
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I agree – if you have a relationship like that, I don’t see a reason to not ask. I’m actually having my brother and his gf help with set up. He’s not in the wedding party – so I asked and he said sure! I’m going to make it really clear for him (like putting all the materials for each table in a separate box, clearly labeled, diagram if necessary, etc). 

Post # 12
374 posts
Helper bee

Ask.  It’s flattering.  But you should give the person some direction and express your opinion for your vision.  The caterer will charge.

I would start collecting some ideas before you ask her, as either way you will have to share that concept with whomever does it.

Keep it simple, doable, manageable, in season requests.  Best of luck.

Post # 13
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@bliss989: I don’t think that it would be tacky, but you might be able to ask your caterer.

I work for a catering company on the side and we do all of the set up at almost all events – from tables and linens, to hanging lights, to setting up center pieces to favors and everything in between. It might be worth checking into, just so it is one less thing that you would have to worry about. If they say no, and they only serve the food I think asking your guest isn’t tacky at all. They may feel important and more a part of the day.

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