(Closed) Asking a lot of you Bees today but I have ONE more question!

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 3
5664 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think that if you take your brother into your care he should have an understanding with you that he will be held to certain expectations as a 16 year old and as a student. he doesn’t get to come live with his sissy and screw off, get failing grades, misbehave, what have you. I don’t think that requiring him to get good grades or go to Sylvan if he needs help is too much to ask, especially if you are pretty much raising him. Make sure you have those boundaries and rules set though before he comes to live with you. 

Even if he doesnt want to go, and dislikes being sent, he’ll appreciate it in the long term. 

Post # 4
7656 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Payless:  I would absolutely say that is fair. You guys will be caring for him. Not only would it be a good way to help him with his education, but also a great way to meet other kids.

Post # 5
3266 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Payless:  I think with you taking him in you can make it a stipulation if you wish. I don’t think it’d be awful for you to do that at all. That way it’s also not sprung on him. It sounds like it’d be a good idea for him but only if you know for sure that it’s an actual problem and he’s not just being lazy with Facebook.

Post # 6
3555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Payless:  I’m pretty sure I went to some kind of Sylvan center when I was in grade school (not because I was struggling, but because I was leagues ahead and they were assessing me for skipping a grade). I went on weekends and it was kind of weird having someone sitting over your shoulder all of the time, but it was ok. I think having strong English skills would really benefit your brother in the long run and if he struggles less academically he might have an easier time socially at his new school.

Post # 8
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@MsJ2theZ:  I kind of gazed over your other post, but I think I get the gyst.

My sister was in a very similar position, although she moved in with friends of the family (she’s my step sister on my dad’s side and my father and his wife are a bit of awful parents. We were unable to take her in, so she went with a family friend). She was 14 when she moved in with the family friend. They also had two older kids, so YMMV.

When my sister moved in, she was sat down with the family, and went over house rules and expectations, which included things like general cleanlieness of the house and her room, chores, things that happened in the house hold she was supposed to be aware of (like the father of the family hosted a weekly poker night, and the mom expected everyone home on Sunday night for dinner, no matter what). They also wrote down expectations for school, which included that she had to go to school, she had to take some sort of extra curricular and that if needed, she would attend sessions with a tutor. They made my sister sign an agreement to the living arangements, which was simply a way of making sure my sister knew the house expectations, and that everyone was on the same page. I’m not saying that a forced agreement like that would be the answer, but making sure everyone is on the same page would be. Come up with your husband some things that are non-negotiable to him living wit you, like how he’ll help in the house, and if you want, attend a tutor or Sylvan learning session. My sister was “bribed” for lack of a better word, with driving lessons once she completed the semester long tutor sessions.



Post # 9
4479 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

If he moves in, he should abide by your rules, and it sounds like a Sylvan type thing would be very good for him.  Helping him prepare for the future by improving his skills is far more important than teenage embarrassment at going to a learning center.

Post # 10
9613 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Payless:  I think it’s a great idea.  Hopefully he’ll be on board with it, too.  It will help his sense of self-esteem a lot  to have more education.  I just wish I could hug you in person, lol.

Post # 11
4479 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@DelilahDiamond:  something like this is a great idea, especially the “driving lessons as a reward” bit.


Post # 12
3288 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Why don’t you say something like, “Let’s have you go to school and turn in a few assignments, and then after a month or two, we can go in and talk to your teacher and see if (s)he thinks you could use a little extra prep work outside of school? Obviously, you’re going to be in a whole new school district here, with different expectations, and I don’t want you to be unfairly punished for having to move and not having had the same prep as the other students. Can we agree that if your English/math/whatever teacher says you might need a little extra help, you’ll be on board with doing some tutoring? I bet we could ask DH what his experience of this was like–Honey, didn’t you do something like this when you were in school?”

That way you can spare his ego a bit, and you won’t just kind of go into it ASSUMING he’s struggling.

But I think it’s a great GREAT idea. I actually do a lot of tutoring for high school kids, and it helps them SO much. They just have to be on board with it too–usually they are! Most kids WANT to get praise/good feedback in school, it can just be intimidating if they don’t have the basic skill levels they need to get there.

Post # 14
5982 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Payless:  ….I just always had the kids read to me while I cooked dinner after work, they could choose the book, and we only read it while I was cooking dinner…so that’s like, an hour a day….we alternated between what he wanted to read and what she wanted to read and if they bumped into a word they couldn’t pronounce or define, it got looked up in the dictionary and explained to everyone in the kitchen…its not as expensive as Sylvan and for someone like me who wants to get home after work and stay there, a very good alternative.

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