Post # 1
I’ve been reading a lot of posts about budget because it seems like that is the first thing you have to know. I want to start making decisions about venues and a date but I still don’t know if I will be paying for everything myself. We have a lot of freinds and family and everyone thinks their coming and thats what I want. Because we are from cities there really isn’t any backyard option so any wedding will cost a lot of money. My Fiance and I are both students, but I work and pay for everything and his parents are paying for law school. We will both be done with school next year and that’s when we’re getting married. My parents have no money. My dad is unemployed within the past year and my mom is making very little money right now. I am wondering if I should take out student loans this year to save my earnings for the wedding or if I will be getting some help. We are both close with his parents and they are very wealthy. They also ask about the wedding and I know they will contribute to something but I just don’t know what the level will be. Should I start planning a super tiny budget wedding if someone might come in and give us way more money than that? We have been engaged for 5 months and planning a wedding for about a year from now so my question is when do we/does he just ask? And if we do ask, how should we do it? Is there a way to steer conversation there without asking?
Post # 3
Usually I would think that they would offer if they wanted to pay for anything, I dont think you have to ask them. You can have the wedding at a park or a nice but inexpensive hall that allows outside catering.. there are many ways to cut costs
Post # 4
my husband and i were married in june, we are both students, he works full time. we both come from single mom homes. we were engaged for 16 months and i diy on my wedding! my budget was 5,000 for 150 guests. We had family from all over fly and drive to attend our wedding. We never once asked for money as parents are not obiligated to pay a portion of a wedding. thankfully my Mother-In-Law paid for the band and my mom saved and gave us 600.00 and her husband paid for our cake. I think if they offer by all means accept thier gift but i wouldnt ask.
Post # 5
@beezy: i think that this has to depend on your family situation and your level of comfort with your parents and your personal knowledge of them. But personally I would ask all parents about money. We just got engaged and had to do this. In the last few years my divorced parents have come to really despise each other over a dispute that they had over my brother and my college debts. After the money they spent on going to court (yes, court ugh) I wasn’t sure they had anything left to offer me. It was uncomfortable to ask but I did. On the other hand my Fiance has been married before so his parents contributed previously to the traditional “grooms family responsibility” stuff and I wasn’t sure we could count on them for anything. But he asked them and they are also contributing (thank god they like me :)). You just never know, your parents may have a secret account they have been saving for their daughter to get married, or his parents may be willing to foot the bill. But what if you cut corners you don’t want to cut, or take out loans just to find out later that you didn’t have to?
I would do this: First, ask them separately. A lot of parents are much more comfortable talking candidly about money with their children rather than their children and their spouses. You don’t have to ask “can I have some money” Sit down with your parents and just express to them that you know things are tough, that you don’t expect anything and you’ll be happy just to have their presence the day you get married, but you want to find out before you start making plans, if they are going to be able to contribute. if not that is perfectly ok. Have him do the same, ask his parents if they are willing/able to contribute. It’s hard to plan without knowing how much people are contributing.