(Closed) Asking back up bridesmaids?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
5479 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

It’s kind of hard to make your back-up friends not feel like a back-up… it seems like you’re kind of stuck in the situation now, but if it were me, I would have stood my ground about the uneven sides.  To me, feelings are much more important than photos :/

Post # 4
2965 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Exactly how uneven will it be? How many BMs and how many GMs?


Post # 5
1281 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would have also stood my ground on the uneven sides, but if that’s not an option I would try to meet with each friend separately.  They are going to need to know through a heartfelt card or conversation how important they each are to you individually so they don’t feel like “backups” just because Fiance got more groomsmen.  I would focus less on the gifts and more on what you’re going to say to them. 

Post # 6
3943 posts
Honey bee

I wouldnt ask ask them to be BM’s at this point. My SIL recently found out she was a back up bridesmaid for a friend of hers, and it’s very hurtful.

You could ask them to participate some other way, so they know they are important. Maybe do a reading or something like that.

Post # 7
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Do the friends know that some BMs have already been chosen? In other words, do they know that they’re second-round draft picks?


Post # 8
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Tell them what you told us, they are very special to you. There is nothing wrong with an uneven bridal party, but if you really wanted these other friends to be a part of your day, be totally honest with them upfront. Let them know that the people you picked first were not the friends you thought they were. They are in no way “backups”, just people you should have asked instead.

Post # 9
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I had a “back up” bridesmaid. My sister dropped out of my wedding just 6 days before. My Darling Husband gave me the suggestion that I ask our best man’s girlfriend, who I had just recently become good friends with, to be a bridesmaid. So, I asked her out to coffee and just asked her. I explained my situation, and I told her while I would love to have her stand with me as we had become good friends, she was not obligated to and I would understand if she didn’t want to do it. She decided that she would and I was so grateful to have her up there with me! We’ve become even better friends since!

I think you should just be honest with these girls. Ask him separately and in person.

Post # 10
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

No, do NOT ask people to be ‘back up’ bridesmaids.  They will know they were not your first picks.  And I would hope that if you go against this advice,  you will not EVER refer to them as ‘back ups’.

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