(Closed) Asking carat size…tacky or not??

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 62
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I mind-it’s rude 🙂

Post # 63
Member
8036 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I only ask if I know the person well or if I have a reason to besides just being nosy.

A handful of people have asked me and I am never offended… I like it when people notice my ring and ask me about it.

Post # 64
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Merinda1994:  Yes, it’s tacky. I think a lot of people are just curious but most seem to want to use it as a standard by which to judge the ring and how much it cost.

Post # 65
Member
673 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

It’s tacky. I think asking the specs, gold purity, or other questions is pretty tacky unless it’s your best friend or something. I didn’t even ask my sister in law (who is one of my best friends) because it just seems kind of materialistic. 

Post # 66
Member
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

In every post of yours I’ve noticed today the subject of ring size keeps coming up. Perhaps you are being a little hyper sensitive on the subject? Why spend so much time saying you don’t want to disclose the carat or specs and moaning how rude it is for people to ask all the while posting pics of your ring and starting threads about rings? Doesn’t make a lot of sense. 

 

If someone asks me I’ll tell them but I’d never ask someone. 

Post # 71
Member
5373 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I just find it nosy, I only find it tacky if the person seems to be doing it to be snarky or judgemental.

Post # 72
Member
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’ve only ever been asked twise and one didn’t bother me, bit the other was in one of those rude, competivite ways. The girl grabbed my hand and said “How big is that? Mine is only 1.5 carats and yours looks bigger!” Then later on in the week, she casually tried to get me to let her “see” my ring off my finger, which I knew she was doing so she could put it on her finger next to her ring. Mine isn’t much bigger than hers, and her whole “only 1.5” comment just kinda turned me off…

The other time was by my best friend and Maid/Matron of Honor who I have literally known my entire life, so it didn’t bother me. But I knew it was just out of curiousity since her and her boyfriend are looking at rings as well.

So I guess it does matter who is doing the asking and how they’re asking. For the most part though, I find it to be a tacky question that really shouldn’t be asked. I know that I’ve never asked anyone else the size of their rock…

Post # 73
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m always puzzled by how, when it comes to discussing big stones, people are always like “I’d rather have quality than size”. I think that’s a fine choice. I’d absolutely make the same choice if I were asked. But some big stones are both- fantastic quality and substantial. Just as not all women have input on their engagement ring, it’s not always either quality or size. And it also shouldn’t be about impressing other people no matter what. 

As as to the general question about carat size, while I think it can be an awkward question depending on how it’s asked. But I tend to be OK with it. I’m well used to people asking me all kinds of awkward questions all the time since I was like 9. 

However, this brings to mind the funniest question I’ve ever gotten about my ring. A sales associate remarked on it and then asked if my Fiance was from Texas. When I told her no, she shrugged and was like, everything’s bigger in Texas. It still makes me laugh. 

Post # 75
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@CurlyCue:  the awful thing is that I have people look at my ring and then make assumptions about my FI’s race, too.  It’s absurd and makes me sad for them. 

 

Post # 76
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I think it’s a financial question, and so I feel about it the way I generally do with those…

E.g. it’s always a little bit sensitive of a subject, and it’s never entirely polite to ask.

So when it’s between people who are very close, it doesn’t really matter. I think I’ve answered this question to close friends, but I don’t even remember, because they’d be the sort of people I’d ask/tell about salaries, rent, etc– curiosity questions usually of making sure we’re making good decisions.

And on that note, I really wish money issues WEREN’T taboo to discuss! “Politeness” is one of the reasons women are underpaid, frankly– we’re less willing to find out how much people are making, or negotiate for more money, etc, because we don’t want to be rude.

So I like to compare notes with close friends for the sake of being informed.

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