(Closed) Asking dad…

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@penguinbee:  My SO doesn’t quite know how to broach the topic with my dad either, even though he knows my parents are supportive.  So…good question. I look forward to reading the responses.  :O

Post # 4
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

maybe you should get your SO and dad to spend a little more time together. a family dinner perhaps? then they can get to know each other a bit and also maybe it’d be a good chance for you to help fill your dad in on your longer friendship?

FWIW, i am against the whole asking dad tradition. creating unnecessary stress in what is already the most stressful momet of a dude’s life seems a bit harsh!

Post # 6
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@penguinbee:  I know that to help my dad/brother & SO spend time together, they play paintball together on some weekends. Also, we eat dinner with my family pretty regularly so everyone can get to know each other comfortably.

Recently, SO took me & brother to an amusement park, which was fabulous. Little things add up in getting to know someone. But I would definitely do activities with him and your family together first to maybe help him feel better if there he truly feels like your dad doesn’t like him.

My SO wants to ask, too. I didn’t ask him to, but I appreciate the gesture. πŸ™‚

Post # 7
Member
340 posts
Helper bee

I am in a similar position as you. We have been dating 9 months and he either asked this last weekend or will be shortly. I like you, knew my SO for 9 years before we started dating even though my dad didn’t see us hangout all the time. First, I took the liberty of telling my dad that he should expect him to ask him sooner than later. Second, my boyfriend has taken family trips with us, did lots of fishing with him etc. I think your SO needs to be around your parents some more and try to fit in some alone time so your dad is comfortable around him and then he should be set. Most of the insecurities he is making up in his head so I am sure it will turn out fine.

Post # 8
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@penguinbee:  lol my Fiance was the same way! sorry, i reread my post and i didnt mean to make it sound like you were forcing him to do it! some people love the tradition. it just isnt for me πŸ™‚

your dad sounds like a great guy, so hopefull your SO can feel comfortable with him soon!

Post # 10
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@penguinbee:  My SO asked my Dad for his permission when we had been dating about 6 months. I think it was only the second time they met. I talked to my Dad about it in advance, becuase I wanted him to feel comfortable saying ‘yes’. I asked if he saw any red flags, and explained all the reasons it was the right decision, how great SO is, etc. At first, SO didn’t like the idea of me talking to Dad first, but once I explained it was to make him feel comfortable granting his blessing, SO was onboard. I think it made it a little less scary too, because we already knew Dad would say yes.

Could you try talking to your Dad first and asking him how he feels about it?

Post # 11
Member
533 posts
Busy bee

My fella wanted to get my folks blessing. He had told his folks what we were planning. I went and spoke to my family. Our families lost their shit, i’ve never been so nervous talking about it. Our families were so excited and wanted us to hurry up! 

My dad rocked up to our house the next day. Sat down with us and said “so I hear you want to ask me something?” 

We didn’t have to ask for a blessing or tell our parents in advance but it made us feel a million times better having our families behind us. 

Post # 12
Member
578 posts
Busy bee

My SO isn’t going to ask my Dad, even though my Dad absolutely loves him and would say yes in a heartbeat. It’s just that my dad is 3+ hours away, plus I don’t really see the need to put SO through that since I know my Dad knows it’s coming soonish and we already know what his answer would be.

 

I do think maybe you could “warn” your Dad a little. It’s probably a good thing to get your parents perspective ahead of time, anyways. He will have time to think about his answer to your SO, so there will not be any surprises or hasty things said πŸ™‚

Post # 13
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee

You know, even though my boyfriend and my family hang out a decent amount (boyfriend and I live together, my parents live 1.5 hrs away and both my bothers live about 45 mins), and have spent multiple family vacations together – he says the same thing! So maybe it’s just nervewracking for some guys, even when they know their future in-laws pretty well? Oh, and did I mention that he does freelance design work for my dad, and they talk on the phone about business and email each other all the time without me? Yeah… even with that, and knowing my dad loves him, he still is freaking out. I know a lot of people feel it’s not feminist to want their father’s blessing, but even though I’m quite a feminist myself, and work in a mental health clinic for queer and transgendered adults), I just really like the idea of him bonding with my family and connecting with my dad 1 on 1 without me. So, I’m waiting for it to happen! My dad invited my boyfriend and I on a trip across the country to see my grandparents and we are going in 2 weeks. I don’t know if it will be too whirlwind of a time for them to find some alone time, but considering my boyfriend plans on asking me sometime in the next 6 months, it would be a good chance to ask my dad! Here’s to hoping!

Post # 14
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Tell your dad it’s coming so he is prepared. Also, tell your Fiance he doesn’t have to ASK for permission. It’s a bit antiquated in my opinion – instead these days it’s more of your Fiance getting his blessing. If your dad doesn’t give him his blessing, it’s not the same as not getting permission! πŸ˜‰

 My Fi and dad get along great and even though everyone knew it was coming, he was still nervous about it! I think it’s normal, but definitely a rite of passage that is fun to watch them prepare for!

Post # 16
Member
370 posts
Helper bee

I told my bf he didn’t need to get my dad’s permission. If he’d like to ask my dad it would be nice, but not neccessary. My parents like my bf and they’ve spent alot of time together so he probably knows what my dad would say anyway.

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