Post # 1
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
Long story short,
We have made a change to our entire wedding. From this very large and magical 150+ wedding to a cruise wedding with no more than 40 (at the absolute maximum, probably less). There is still a 11 months until the wedding.
This means we’d like to reduce the wedding party to just the best man and Maid/Matron of Honor. The entire wedding party will be part of that 40 because they are still our closest friends but aside from them it’s just close family.
Should we ask them to do this? Does this matter? Everyone is even keeled in emotions, temper, and only want the best for us, but is this just a back handed move?
Side note: we are considering offering to help each one of our original wedding party pay for the cruise. Is this necessary?
Post # 2
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
If they’re going to be there anyways, why ask them to step down?
Post # 3
Member
843 posts
Busy bee
We had only make of honor and best man. Made it much easier.
Trickier for you since you already asked them. But I think you should still do it. I don’t believe in this big divide between people included in the wedding (the wedding party) versus mere guests. At a small wedding you can find says to make everyone feel special.
The bigger problem is the cruise. It is asking a lot for 40 people to go on a cruise with you. No, don’t try to pay part of their expenses.
And don’t forget the possibility of being seasick, which is how I felt for three days on a cruise ship.
Could you have a small wedding on land right before taking off on a fabulous cruise honeymoon?
Post # 4
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
- Wedding: June 2019 - City, State
I think you should leave it be. If they are there you may as well have them already just do their roles assigned. It only really makes sense if they will not be there or if they messed up and you do not want them as wedding party anymore.
Good luck
Post # 5
Member
315 posts
Helper bee
For my wedding we were going to have 6 attendants, but then decided to move the date up and get rid of all of the attendants, except for my daughter. I just told my friends “Hey, we’ve moved the wedding to January 1st, this is the venue, can you make it? We aren’t having any attendants.” And that was that. Everyone was fine with it, relieved, even, to not have to have dresses, etc.
Post # 6
Member
2944 posts
Sugar bee
No, it is not a backhanded move. Your wedding plans have drastically changed, and it makes a lot of sense to cut down the bridal party especially if the ceremony site is limited in space at the front or whatever. I
It is not necessary to pay for their cruise tickets. However, if anyone has already spent money on something you and the groom asked for (e.g. bridesmaid’s dress, specific shoes, etc) then maybe offer to pay for anything non-refundable.
Post # 7
Member
2617 posts
Sugar bee
What’s the reasoning for asking them to step down? Personally I’d still want to honour them, I’d just adjust the roles a bit to suit the smaller ceremony.
If you’re worried about having too many people standing up with you, they can just take a seat at the front after walking down the aisle. My sister did that at her wedding because her wedding party was pretty huge (plus it was an anglican ceremony and they always do that I think).
They don’t have to wear matching outfits either. You can just ask them to choose their own dresses within a colour range, or they don’t have to match at all.
(I don’t think they’ll mind if you do ask them to step down though since the plans have changed so much.)