Post # 1
Watching Bridezilla and the brides seem to have no problem asking/demanding their FIs (and parents) for money. I hate to ask people for money, even if it’s for needed things like the doctor or medicine. I was wondering if it bugs anyone else…
Post # 3
Well, I would never ask my DH for thousands and thousands of dollars like they do on that show. However, if I need cash for the toll road and I don’t want to go to the bank, I’ll ask DH. I don’t ever ask him to buy me things – clothes, jewelry, etc. If we go on a coffee break, I might ask him to pay since I picked up the last round. We usually just even things out.
I have no problem asking him for small amounts ($5 here and there). I don’t ask him for anything else. I have my own money. As for asking other people for money – of course not! I don’t rely on other people to help me with my problems. That’s what DH is for (if it’s absolutely necessary).
Post # 4
Never. I don’t even ask for grocery money, even though we live together and I make maybe $100 a week at my part-time job (full time student), while he has a full time, very well paying job. I struggle to pay for them myself.
Post # 5
@renwoman: That sounds more like a parent/child relationship than a partnership. Our money is for both of us so there is no need to ask. Neither of us would spend money on stupid stuff thankfully.
Post # 6
As enganed and not living together? No I would never ask. I would hope that I could support myself and if I got into a huge pickle, I’d figure how to get out of it.
H even offered to pay for my tuition while we were dating (with reimbursement). I said no I want to do this myself so I used student loans. I did pay them off before we merged our money after engagement though.
Post # 7
Mostly our conversations go like this:
Me: Hey, who’s taking care of it?
FI: Well, you took care of dinner yesterday, so I’ll cover lunch today.
Me: You sure? I can pay.
FI: No, I insist.
Me: OK… You sure?
[Repeat as necessary, flipping roles once in a while.]
I also find it really uncomfortable to ask for money, so I don’t. Now, if they offer, I might ask “Are you sure?” about fifty times, but I’ll say yes, because hey, it’s a gift, right?
Post # 8
We’ve never really seen it as “his money” or “my money,” it’s “our” money, so niether of us needs to “ask” the other person. If there’s a large purchase (for example, a car) we’ll discuss it, but for everything else we do just fine using “our” money as we see fit.
Post # 9
I have more of an issue with a woman needing to ask for money from a man, especially in a marriage. It’s joint. If you’re only engaged, the wedding budget, and every contract signed/monetary obligation agreed to should be discussed beforehand so that all the cards are on the table. Nobody should need to ask anyone for money because all parties should already know what’s expected of them.
Post # 10
Now that we’re married it’s a non-issue. But even when we were dating, if I needed $20 and didn’t feel like running to the atm on my way I’d just ask him for it. We didn’t live together but still shared a lot of expenses. I ate there all the time and he’d buy groceries then I’d buy Costco stuff, it about evened about. No one kept track. If it was $100 I’d try to pay him back next time I hit the atm, but it was usually “don’t worry about it.” He did the same to me – need $10 for lunch? Sure, check my wallet.
Post # 11
If I need money, I’d rather ask FH for it than anyone else. He asks me for money occasionally. It evens out eventually.
Post # 12
DH and I have had finances combined for almost 2 years, so I dont ever have to ask him for money (I may have I need cash and dont want to go to the ATM), but at the same time I wont go out and spend thousands of dollars without H’s consent/knowing, nor could I see myself asking DH for thousands of dollars.
Post # 13
I haaaaate asking people for money. I’ve had to ask FI for gas money twice when I first moved here and was still job-searching – he had no problems with it and wanted to help me out. I felt horrible!!!
Post # 14
I generally do not ask people for money. My FI and I share most expenses. We split groceries, meals out, etc. So he pays for groceries one week, I pay the next. If I paid for our last supper out, he pays for the next one. He makes three times more than I do, but his mortgage is also about three times what mine is, so I don’t think it would be fair for him to pay for more. I have asked my Mom for money a few times since we started planning our wedding. She and my Dad offered to pay for half of everything, and said to just let them know when and how much we needed, so I’ve just been doing that. It still feels a little weird, but I know that they’ll either be giving me the money now or after the wedding, so I don’t let it bother me.
Post # 15
We’re still in the dating phase and we also do not live together. The only shared expense we have is our cell phone and the gym.
And we are both broke most of the time so I would feel extra guilty asking him for money knowing that he needs it just as much as I do.
So no, right now, I do not feel comfortable asking him for money. We still view our money as my money, your money. We won’t look at it as “our” money until we combine finances.
Which will probably be when we get married. My credit is not that great so I don’t want to combine finances before marriage. I want to repair my credit first THEN combine finances.
Post # 16
Hi there. I’m with you, it’s weird to ask. FH and I have lived together for 3 years now. I’m in charge of groceries and sometimes I do hit him up for cash. Like yesterday, I asked for $60 to go towards food. Yes, it was a teensy bit awkward but it gets easier. J Listen, if he wants to eat healthy, that stuff ain’t cheap and he eats like a HORSE. I want to eat healthy too so it costs a bundle. Him kicking in here and there is just the cost of eating a lot of fresh, non-processed food. He understands and gladly obliges.
I haven’t asked or demanded money but then again, I’d like to think I’m usually reasonable with my requests and they are infrequent so why would he deny me? I don’t ask for money for “fun” shopping or going out.