Post # 1
Member
5 posts
Newbee
I am preparing to propose to my girlfriend of 3 years. My relationship with her family is strong, we’ve spent a few holidays together and her father has told me on more than one occaision how much he likes having me around (an ideal and rare situation, I know).
We just spent Thanksgiving together, when I intended to speak with her father regarding my intentions to propose in about 2 weeks. Suddenly, I started wondering whether I was supposed to be asking for his blessing before or after proposing to her? What is the TRUE tradition? In classic literature, the man (typically) proposes to the woman first and then asks for the blessing of the father afterwards, but it seems as though many believe you should ask for the blessing beforehand…?
As a disclaimer, I would rather not see posts about how it is chauvinistic to ask a fathers permission to marry his daughter. Both of our familys are traditional, midwest family’s, we don’t view women as property 🙂 Im asking for a blessing, not permission…
Post # 3
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
I would say that her dad would really respect you if you asked him for his blessing before proposing… And I am a traditional young lady.
My dad really appreciated it when my hubby asked him.
Congrats!!!
Post # 4
Member
7581 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
You are suppose to ask prior to the proposal hence wanting the blessing (aka permission, who cares what you call it really) My Fiance asked my father and I thought is was so super sweet. My father appreciated this gesture so much, actually mentioning that my sisters now husband never did that and it always bothered him.
My fiance asked my father to meet him for breakfast one morning and asked his permission then. 3 days later we were engaged with my father’s blessing 🙂
Post # 4
Member
8734 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@bobbyG: Ask the father first. My fiance called my dad the morning before he proposed. He had to sneak my phone from me to find my dad’s cell number so he could call. My dad is originally from the south and love it.
If you think both she and her father would appreciate it, ask his blessing first. If you think they’ll give it away (like my Fiance thought my parent’s would) ask him the same day you plan to propose so they don’t have time to spill the beans.
As long as it is something she wants too, I’d call this chivalry not chauvinism.
Post # 5
Member
565 posts
Busy bee
I always thought you were supposed to ask the father first (or have him give his blessing) i would have loved if my husband had done this (call me old fashioned, but i like the ideal of it) but we didn’t meet each other parents until after we were married
Post # 6
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
Ask the father first.
My fiance took my Dad and my Mom out to a nice dinner and asked them there. It sounds like you have a great relationship with him, I’m sure he’d appreciate some one on one time with you!
I think it’s very classy to ask the Dad first. Besides, it gives you two something to bond over.
Good luck and congrats!!
Post # 7
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
LIke all the PP’s said you should ask the Father first. My Fiance called my Dad and asked him about a week before hand, my Dad’s reposnse – About time! I know he really apperciated Fiance asking him because I’m not only really close to my Dad but an only child too…
Post # 8
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
@bobbyG: as PP mentioned already, ask first then propose 🙂
My DH asked my both my parents before he proposed (well they were all in the car together *laugh*) My father really appreciated it and i think it was super sweet for him to do it. (I actually think DH was more nervous about asking them then me!! (even though my parents gave him their blessing ten fold))
Good luck and congrats!!
Post # 9
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
My Fiance spoke with my Dad, in person, a few months before (but once he had the ring) that he intended to propose. It was really sweet and meant a lot to both me and my Dad.
Post # 10
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
As everyone else has said – ask first then propose!
Since we don’t live near my parents, my Fiance wrote them letters instead. They loved it and my dad was very impressed!
Post # 11
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
Fiance asked for my Dad’s blessing before proposing. When I found out afterward, I cried and thought it was the sweetest thing. If you’re traditional Midwestern folks (like us!) I’d definitely recommend it. It meant a lot to me (and him).
Post # 12
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
Agreed with the PP’s- ask FIRST, then propose. DH asked both my parents, who like your parents, are traditional. They were not at all happy when my Brother-In-Law didn’t ask for their blessing before proposing to my sister. It wasn’t like they weren’t going to give it (they dated for 7 years!), but they felt it was a respect issue. Their feelings were hurt over this and it is something they’ve brought up a few times over the years. Since your FIL’s are traditional too, I think you are starting things out on the right foot with them. Like you said, it’s not a women=property issue, it’s just a nice thing to do for people who value this tradition.
Good luck and congratulations to you and your fiance-to-be! 🙂
Post # 13
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
My husband asked my father first (without me knowing) and my dad let me know recently how much it meant to him. He actually asked him twice… the first time my dad said no, that he thought we were too young and that we needed to make sure we could live with each other without killing one another! So he waited another year and asked again and my dad said okay, because he saw that we could live together.
I would take him out to dinner and ask.. it may be an outdated tradition to some, but a lot of dads think it’s really important.
Post # 14
Member
1057 posts
Bumble bee
Fiance asked my father when they went to go play tennis together and we were engaged just a few days later. My father really appreciated it.
Post # 15
Member
5117 posts
Bee Keeper
My Fiance asked my mom, as well as my grandparents and a very close family friend who’s supported us like a dad would. They were honored to be in on the surprise and so excited. It doesn’t need to be a request for a blessing or permission, I think he did a more ‘thank you for raising NDBee, she means the world to me …lalalala.’ I think it’s respectful if that’s the tradition your families follow and it will be much appreciated.