(Closed) Asking for a timeline?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3718 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Honestly, I wouldn’t ask at this point. You have the stone. It will happen soon. 

I am a huge believer in timelines, but if your SO bought the stone and is getting a ring made, hold off. If you don’t think he is making progress, I would ask him really casually. Something along the lines of “So roomie is expecting to get engaged in January. I am so excited for her and it must be exciting to know when it is going to happen. Do you think I will have an idea when we will get engaged or do you want it to be a surprise?” Then if he says he wants a surprise, I would say “Great, I am totally on board. I would love to get engaged by our aniversary and won’t ask about it until then.” Then stay quiet.

Based on what you said, a ring should be there before then. If the weekend after your aniversary passes, you have a discussion where you say “for my sanity, I need to know in general when it will happen. I gave you a 3 month window where you had the ring and could surprise me. Now it is making me insecure and I feel like this big of a decision should be made between the two of us.”

Best of luck!

Post # 4
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I think if you have a center stone and have looked at other ring things together, then you’re already past the point when most people feel it necessary to ask for a timeline. Hopefully if you were to ask, the answer would be “very soon”, but it might be so soon that asking could possibly screw things up/ ruin the surprise! 

If you do feel the need to ask, I brought it up to my SO during a quiet moment when I knew I had his full attention and he wouldn’t feel defensive or ambushed. I framed it by letting him know that even though we had talked about marriage very seriously in the past, I wanted to know when he saw that happening, and what goals he was hoping to reach before then (financial stability, me finishing my degree, etc…) just so we’d be on the same page. I tried to make it clear that it wasn’t that it had to be RIGHT NOW that mattered to me, just that I wanted some idea of what was going on in his head, and give him an opportunity to hear my thoughts so we could be on the same page with this matter. That approach seemed to work well, we had a nice discussion about it without either one of us getting defensive, and I got a good answer from him. 

Post # 5
Member
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

If he already has the stone and knows the kind of ring you want, I’d just trust that it’s going to happen at some point in the relative future.  Asking for specifics may make him feel like you’re trying to ruin some of the surprise.  It’s pretty fun when you have no idea and it comes out of nowhere!

Post # 6
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

ive asked several times, and each time i was left super upset! although the answer wasnt what i wanted to hear it did help me calm the day to day mania of thinking it was going to happen everytime we went out to dinner haha! i also regreted asking after each time that i did, it felt like i was being a whiney pain in the ass and i wished that i just left it alone so he didnt feel ‘pressured’.  This doesnt look like the case for you though, your much closer than me since you have a stone and such, i wouldnt ask, it seems like its close, just keep those nails polished and tuff it out! it will be worth it!

Post # 7
Member
986 posts
Busy bee

Like PPs said, I might wait for a bit yet since you have the stone and know what ring you want. Then perhaps bring it up – what I did was ask for an end date, so I was still totally surprised (I specifically wanted a Christmas proposal, so it wasn’t hard to surprise me, haha). Maybe that would be a good compromise if you do feel things start to slow down.

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