(Closed) asking for an invite?? really come on

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yep a few friends of mine (not that close of friends) asked if they would “make the cut” I said No probably not. My bluntness really ended that conversation nice and quick! 

I cannot fathom asking if I was invited to someone’s wedding, even my own best friends! I’ll know if I’m invited when I get the invitation!

Post # 4
Member
5242 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Wow! Some people are really brave! I could never ask someone if I was invited to there wedding let alone invite myself!

Post # 5
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask if you’re close with someone.  We’re not doing printed invitations for our wedding for a number of reasons, and I would feel terrible if one of my guests thought they were not invited because they hadn’t recieved an invitation.  They all know exactly what our plan is and that they’re invited though.  

In the situation where someone isn’t as close to you and/or you are doing printed invitations I agree, that might be a little awkward.  I still think it’s better than having someone you inteded to invite not coming because they didn’t recieve the invitation though.  Sometimes things fall through the cracks.  Maybe you forgot to send all the invitations in a timely manner, maybe theirs got lost in the mail, etc.  I think even if it’s sometimes awkward, it’s better to ask and be sure.  That said, I think I would be uncomfortable asking unless it was a really close friend or family member.  Just try to handle it as gracefully as you can if it comes up again.

Post # 6
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@gonnabeMrsHH:  I didn’t realize this was such a faux pas. I joked with my coworker that I wanted to be her flower girl (obviously it was joking since I was 25 at the time!). I hope I didn’t offend her or anything lol.

 

Post # 7
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I work in a male dominated field.  A lot of my coworkers are older than my father.  On top of that I recently started a new job (about 3 months ago). 

A few weeks ago I was on a week long field visit and it looked like the project was going to need me to return.  I told the project manager (a 72 year old, dirty-old-man) that he should plan on me being unavailable Aug 5 – 18, I’d be taking vacation.  He told me his project trumped vacation (with a laugh), and I shot back “Not when I’m getting married!”  The PM, and his assistant both went “oooh! where??”  (Maine) “Can I come?” and “Where’s my invitation!?”

Now these guys were joking, and I brushed them off with a jab about “Your project won’t be finished, you’ll still be banished to the ends of the earth!”  But this has been an on going thing with coworkers.  It’s like they think invinting themselves to the small, family only wedding (over 2,000 miles from the office) is a funny joke.  I don’t get it.

Post # 8
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

one of FI’s friends invited another friend to our wedding and then told us… awkward since we werent even sure we could invite the first friend…

Post # 9
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

YES!!! I’ve had a few people do this to me. I mean, if they’re nice or whatever then I have no problem inviting them, but then again I do because first off I’m not the one paying for my wedding so I wouldn’t be comfortable inviting more than what we had expected if I don’t really know the budget. Sometimes I don’t even know if people that joke like that are actually being serious or if it’s just something for them to say. 

Post # 11
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

“Due to budget and venue restrictions, We’re having a small, intimate celebration. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to reciprocate the invitation.” (if you agree with that last sentence, or if not, say “I wasn’t able to extend invitations to co-workers”)

Post # 12
Member
533 posts
Busy bee

I had something happen a few months back. Someone we used to work with came in for a visit. Hadn’t seen her in months. Had a quick catch up and then came out and said “I better be invited to the wedding, I’ll get a babysitter for the kid!” she wasn’t joking :/

Post # 14
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I would feel really bad if she invited me to her wedding and I didn’t invite her, I don’t think I could do that unless it was a small affair and I wasn’t inviting anyone from work.

Post # 15
Member
1599 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yeah, people are awfully presumptious. (sp)?

I had a few co-workers at my former job do stuff like that, like, 2 weeks after I got engaged. We hadn’t even set a date yet!

I still “talk” to 2 of them via text/facebook, but my wedding is over a year away and I’ve had 2 new jobs since leaving that one and I think they still assume they’re invited.

But the thing is, my mom’s family is way too huge to have former co-workers on our guest list. And if I invited them, I’d feel obligated to invite EVERYONE from that former job (I had a lot of friends there) — but that’d be, like, 30 extra people!

I would just say: “Ugh, it would be SO nice to invite you and (other coworkers) but the venue only seats X amount of people and my/his family is sooo big.”

Just make it all about the numbers, even if that’s not the case. This way people don’t take it personally.

There have been a few weddings my parents were invited to but my sister and I were not invited to, and while I was a little surprised, I wasn’t offended. I know that a lot of times it IS about numbers/budget. 

Post # 16
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Yeah, we’ve had a couple of Rudey-McRudeys. 

There is a couple that invited us to their wedding a few years ago and the girl is my fiance’s uncle’s niece (his uncle is not a blood relative). I’ve met them a few times over the years so I thought we should invite them.  Well the girl has a sister that my Fiance knew way back in high school (I’ve never met her or her husband) and apparently she thought that she should be invited too. So much so that she told one of her cousins (who is invited) and he then told my Fiance “Hey, why isn’t so-and-so invited?”. Really? I think it is so rude to even pose this question, and I was tempted to take his invitation back.

Another time, we were at a birthday party a couple months back and this girl and her boyfriend (new boyfriend, never met him before this party) made a comment to us as we were leaving “See you at your wedding” and then the boyfriend said “Yeah, me too!”.  I just nodded and awkwardly smiled. This girl is so not invited. Both me and my Fiance can’t stand her and the only reason we see her every so often is because she is the sibling of one of our close friends.  I was so tempted to tell her right then that she would not be receiving an invitation, so no, I would not be seeing her at our wedding.

I’ve told my Fiance, that our standard answer should be “We wish we could invite everyone, but we can’t”. End of story. Weddings are so expensive and personal, and it really isn’t anyone’s business who we choose to invite. I’m not inviting lots of family members simply because we are not close to them.  Me and my Fiance have been together for 8 years, so if neither of us ever hang out with you or talk to you or know what is going on in your life and vice versa, why would we invite you to be a part of our wedding day?? Some people are just clueless I guess.
 

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