(Closed) Asking for college savings instead of birthday gifts..rubbing me the wrong way..

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
  • poll:
  • Post # 17
    Member
    6040 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

     

    1234sophia:  this is no different than giving a child a savings bond which happened a lot for me growing up. Plus if they have money, maybe they know the child already has enough clothes and toys and they feel he doesn’t need anything else at themoment. I actually think I would feel better about giving that kind of gift than getting some clothes or toys. it’s really no different. if you give clothes, it’s like your clothing a child and shouldnt they be able to do that on their own? so really this is no differen than them saying “DS wears a size 2T and a 12 in shoes, he is really into trains right now!” It’s not as if they are asking for cash in hand, which is totally different. They are asking for direct donations to his college fund.

    Post # 18
    Member
    1002 posts
    Bumble bee

    I don’t think that asking for donations to the college fund is tacky or wrong or problematic.  I do have a problem with the fact that they asked for a “minimum gift” amount.  That’s not cool.  Saying “I prefer cash, because I find it more useful,” is totally fine.  Saying, “If you give me cash, make sure you give me a minimum of $50,” is not fine.

    Post # 19
    Member
    685 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I got an invite kind of like that (without the minimum), didn’t really bug me.  I figured they’d already gotten toys, clothes and books themselves and didn’t need the extra clutter (probably the case here, too, since the girlfriend probably has all day to shop). 

    It was easier for me, too, I’m sure they can choose out something they want/like much better than I can.

    Post # 20
    Member
    758 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    1234sophia:  I would actually prefer it.  Kids have so many toys these days, it would actually make me feel like my money was being put to better use to go toward a college/unversity fund.

    The other side of it is that it also makes my life a lot easier when it comes to gift shopping 😉

    What is the minimum contribution thing? Is it a reasonable amount?

    Post # 21
    Member
    4854 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    ehhh I could kind of understand… kids get overloaded with toys. I don’t think it’s the most tactful thing… at all, but I have also seen a parents house stacked to the rafters with toys after a kids birthday party. There is a point where a kid really just has too much. I always give kids crafty stuff or gift certificates to an actvity. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    2585 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    1234sophia:  Asking for presents in general rubs me the wrong way.  However, I would MUCH rather give money to a niece/nephew’s college fund than buy them a toy that’s going to be discarded very quickly.  Whenever I give toys, I quickly imagine my money being thrown away, because that’s basically what happens the minute the child grows or moves on to another toy.

    Post # 23
    Member
    6432 posts
    Bee Keeper

    1234sophia:  I’m a big believer that just asking for money in such a way is rude.  What is that kid going to do?  That baby would prefer toys.  how old is he?  I’m asking because when I was born, I got several monetary gifts, but mostly toys.  My mother put all of htat money into a savings account for me (which ended up being the start of my own savings).  She put some of the toys away and over the months gave them to me (one child does not need 50+ toys for her birthday).  Family members sent her money, she did not request it and contributed to my savings herself.  As I got older I got the choice on whehter or not I wanted to use the money or put it in savings.  And now I am doing the same thing for my daughter, (well both my husband and I are).  We would never request or demand money.  Sure the money would be nice but would we ask it?  No.

    Post # 24
    Member
    889 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    i think it was rude to ask for a minimum amount–that’s rude no matter which way you look at it. honestly though, asking for college fund donations vs. tangible gifts doesn’t bother me so much. i’d rather put $25 in little johnny’s education account than to spend $25 on a toy that he already doesn’t need, he will break it or try to eat it in 10 seconds, and someone else probably got him one already anyway. i think stardustintheeyes:  made a great point in her post. 

    as in all cases of gift giving–if you don’t want to give the “preferred” gift/money, don’t. give what you feel comfortable with.

    Post # 25
    Member
    186 posts
    Blushing bee

     

    I wouldn’t be offended. If it were like…for the mother’s own bday or something, yes. But really, people get SO carried away with stuff for babies, and if they make enough money to buy stuff on their own and buy what they know they’ll like and use, why would they want you to waste your money on something the baby already has like, 18 of! Plus, parents have pretty strong feelings about certain brands/types of toys for various reasons, and it’s really their right to decide.

    Post # 26
    Member
    7884 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Minimum amount?  That is the part that really rubs me the wrong way.  I mean- sure- you can have too many toys or clothes- but to impose a MINIMUM?  Or am I reading this wrong?

    Post # 28
    Member
    1497 posts
    Bumble bee

    You made a comment about them being picky about clothes and brands and such… isn’t this the better of the deal? “Make a donation to the college account” vs “Buy him expensive Nike”

    If it bothers you so much, don’t do it. But honestly, I feel like it’s the easy way out if they’re going to turn their nose up at what you buy – put in $25 and everyone’s happy.

    Post # 29
    Member
    6040 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

     

    1234sophia:  My godparents got me nothing but savings bonds for literally every birthday I had growing up. Even some for christmas. I think you are looking at it the wrong way. I think you are thinking they are trying to get you (and other guests) to fund their child’s college fund entirely. when in reality, I would take it more like they just know he doesn’t need anymore clothes or toys so if guests want to give a gift, they are suggesting a gift that would be most helpful or useful for him. The only thing I think that is tacky is that they list an amount. And there was probably a better way to get their message across.  the gift itself doesn’t bother me, it’s their approach that was just all wrong. :\

    Post # 30
    Member
    1312 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: A very pretty church.

    1234sophia: (Wealthy) people pre-emptively turning their noses up at the potential gifts I may buy their child…then handing round the begging bowl?! Yeah, it would annoy me too. 

    The topic ‘Asking for college savings instead of birthday gifts..rubbing me the wrong way..’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors