(Closed) Asking for college savings instead of birthday gifts..rubbing me the wrong way..

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
  • poll:
  • Post # 31
    Member
    14985 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    It depends on what the min amount is.  $25?  Fine, I’d normally spend $25-$30 for a kid gift so if you want that in cash, no problem.  Money is being spent either way.  $100?  Screw that, they’re getting a toy.

    Post # 32
    Member
    119 posts
    Blushing bee

    What is the minimum amount requested?  If it’s about the same amount as a toy I would just do it, but if it’s more I would feel extremely uncomfortable. 

    i totally get why you’re upset tho. It’s rude of them and puts you in an awkward position. But I also believe in choosing your battles.  

    Post # 33
    Member
    176 posts
    Blushing bee

    People don’t get to dictate what you give them as gifts, and they especially don’t get to instruct you to give them money.   I would be annoyed too. 

    I would probably give a nice card and leave it as that. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    10649 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    That’s pretty bad!  If it was just a suggestion on the invitation, I would give it a second look, but would be much more forgiving.

    I know people who had the opposite issue – they wanted to set up RESPs for some kids, but the parents wouldn’t get SINs for them so it could be set up!

    Post # 35
    Member
    381 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I think asking for any gift is tacky.  People ask about gifts (esp for kids) all the time.  She could have mentioned it then.  Typically if my son gets a cash gift I let him spend half and put half in his college savings.  My mom has set up a college fund for him that she contributes to in lieu of gifts but no..no one should request a specific gift.

    Post # 36
    Member
    3208 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    1234sophia:  buy him a book and write something heartfelt in the inside cover. 

    Post # 37
    Member
    380 posts
    Helper bee

    1234sophia:  It’s rude to put a minimum amount, but I don’t see what’s wrong with requesting college fund donations.  You think it’s more fun to buy toys and clothes… but maybe the parents think it’s fun too. Which is why she’s bought the fancy cute clothes she wants for her baby. My baby is about to turn 1 as well, and I’ve gotten a lot of hand-me-down toys and clothes.  Which is great because I’ve saved a lot of money on this stuff.  But at the same time, when people give me new or used items, I don’t get to choose what it is.  And a lot of it’s not my taste or preference.  And I feel bad buying new clothes or baby gear I actually like for her when she’s got tons of gifted items that are functionally adequate. I’m very grateful for the kindness and generosity of friends and family, but I can really see it from the mom’s point of view.  She’s just being honest.  Rude, but honest.  (Also, sometimes more expensive baby items are just better quality and make the parent’s life easier.  Or they have a preference that doesn’t even occur to you might exist – like snaps vs. zippers on sleepers.  It’s not necessarily a snobby-ness issue.)

    Post # 38
    Member
    1406 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

     

    1234sophia:  Yeah, I understand why you are turned off by the demand. Never specified what people should give, but honestly money for college would have been much more useful than all the STUFF my child was given.

    Post # 39
    Member
    2192 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    We just had our daughter’s 1st and stated on the invite “Your presence is all the presents she needs!”  We don’t need more toys, more clothes, more anything!  We have a college fund started and contribute every month.  That’s on us!  Not on our circle.  People did ask what to get her and I would again say she has everything but for my immediate family they know to contribute to the fund, we all do it!

    I would buy him a book or a savings bond.  We give savings bonds to all the kids on their special days if we don’t know of a college fund. 

    This invite would really irk me.  I would specifically give something other than what they asked!

    Post # 40
    Member
    1152 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    The idea behind saying “please help with college savings instead of gifts” doesn’t really bother me.  A “minimum amount” bothers me.

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