Asking for grandmas ring??? HELP!!!!

posted 10 months ago in Traditions
Post # 2
8449 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

victoria07 :  

I’d just ask . Grandma, when you die can I have your ring , it would be a tiny compensation for losing you and know I’ve always loved it…..

Post # 3
11461 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

In reference to the prior poster’s suggestion, I would avoid using the phrase “when you die,” but instead note that, “someday” you “would love to inherit” the ring, because you “love the tradition and sentimentality behind it.” If she is still wearing the ring now, I don’t think you should directly ask to have it now. If it has been sitting in a drawer for years, then perhaps she will make the connection and offer it to you and your SO in the near term. 

Post # 5
88 posts
Worker bee

I think if you phrase it in a kind way, then there’s no issue in asking.

It doesn’t need to be when she dies, you could ask ‘when you no longer feel the need for it, I’d absolutely love to give it a good home for you’. Not sure if that’s appropriate with your relationship with her, but along a kind approach.

Post # 6
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - A vineyard

I’m not sure I would ask at all unless she has asked you prior if you wanted it when she passed or whenever she was ready to pass it on. She may have ideas already for who she wants it to go to.

I know mine is destined either for my daughter or a granddaughter or maybe even daughter in law that I think will be responsible with it.  And most of all, love it since the stone is from my own grandmother. Thus really important to me that it be treated well. And that woman may not end up being unmarried when she receives it as my husband thinks I need to wear it/own it until I pass or he passes 

However! If you have the kind of relationship where you feel comfortable asking then I like querty’s suggestion of how to ask. It’s less intrusive. Who knows. Maybe she is planning for you to have it and you just don’t know yet 🙂

Post # 7
1903 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I wouldn’t ask. I’d just admire it and tell her how much you love it and how to you, it’s what a ring should look like. She’ll get the hint without putting her in a position where she has to give you an answer on the spot. I have two daughters whom I love and I’ve told them for most of their lives that they’ll get my rings when I die. I’d hate for a beloved granddaughter to ask for it point blank. 

Post # 8
2658 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

victoria07 :  if I were you I’d go through the board here and find a post with the opposite sentiment, someone who did not want an heirloom at all, tell your grandmother about it, or read it to her in a gossipy way (maybe it’s not the same everywhere but the older people where I grew up love some good gossipy chats) like “grandma, I read this post by this girl and I just can’t believe it, listen to this” and then tell her how you are annoyed by the post because if how how much you would love to be offered an heirloom 

Post # 9
584 posts
Busy bee

I would just ask her for it. My one grandma passed years ago and I never asked her for her ring and always wanted it. I did ask her daughter who originally had it when she died and her daughter wasn’t getting married but apparently she can’t find it. It’s a shame, it would have meant a lot to me and I would have given it to my daughter as well. So I say just do it! It means a lot to you. 

Post # 10
4205 posts
Honey bee

Please don’t ask for it. It’s totally rude and classless. You can tell her that you’ve always admired it, but it’s her choice to whom it goes, and chances are she already knows who that is.

Post # 11
8866 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

 victoria07 :  I would not ask. She probably already knows that people want it, and who she wants it to go to. Do you know the story of how/why she received it?

Post # 12
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2020

I wouldn’t ask personally, she probably already knows who she wants to give to and that person is probably one of her daughters even if they are married. My grandmother gave her jewelry to her married daughters regardless of other female members of the family being unwed. You know you grandmother and know how she will react so it’s your choice, but I vote no because I believe ffrom my family experience there is a chance she already has a will written out and knows who she wants it for.victoria07 :  

Post # 13
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle

Another vote for do not ask and I can’t even believe people are advising you to do so. Heirlooms can go to anyone, married or not. 

Post # 14
363 posts
Helper bee

I think if you dont have a close relationship with her then its classless to ask. But if you’re close, as in you visit often outside of holidays, then I see no reason why you couldn’t ask. But dont go in there expecting it. Just say “grandma I love your ring and the tradition that it was passed down from your mother. I understand if you dont want to part with it or if you already chose who it goes to but I’d just like to say I’d be honored if I were the one to carry on the tradition.” I think PP arent thinking of this personally but in a sense of a stranger asking. It’s not classless, its asking to carry on a tradition. And who says you’ll have to wait until she dies? Many times if a ring is a heirloom it will be passed when the boyfriend plans to propose. 

Post # 15
1045 posts
Bumble bee

 As someone who just went through the loss of a grandparent and got literally nothing because of greedy relatives, I’d ask. But only if you’re close. I would have loved something sentamental to cherish. 

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